leave a message ↬ finn wolfhard

december 31, 2024 - vancouver

IT SEEMED AS though Finn had been in a sort of mood the moment he woke up. It took a good several minutes for him to even realize it was the last day of the year. He convinced himself it was because he hadn't had a blink of sleep, but the true cause was because of the same reason he couldn't silence his thoughts after the phone call: Y/n was gone.

That morning, Y/n had entered the Vancouver International Airport to board a plane that took her over 2,000 miles away to New York City. She took the bus because she couldn't find it in herself to ask for a ride — all part of her intention of quietly slipping away. Naturally, her friends went against her wishes and showed up at the airport anyway to give a final goodbye in person. Finn decided to stay home rather than see her off like the rest of their friends. However, he made sure to call Jaeden to pick up Y/n's gift, asking Jaeden to give her his apologies for not being able to make it. Lucy, as doting as ever, chose not to go either, believing her partner to be deeply saddened by the departure of his close friend.

Seeing Noah's video on Instagram of everyone waving goodbye to a tearful Y/n was what cemented the looming feeling Finn had started noticing the night of his party, when Lucy told him matter-of-factly that Y/n was moving — an inexplicable ache.

The sensation didn't falter once throughout the whole day. Not when he got up to eat the wonderful breakfast Lucy had made; not when he listened to enchanting holiday songs while the two of them cooked and set up the place; not when all their guests began to trickle in and excitedly joke and chatter. He shoved the feeling to the back of his mind, but he couldn't help but notice its presence, a persistent nipping.

Finn felt like a spectre amidst the cheerful atmosphere of his friends. It was as if he was aimlessly wandering about, his mind somewhere else, disconnected from his body. He joked and laughed with his friends, but it all felt superficial. His heart wasn't in it, and fortunately for him, no one picked up on the insincerity of Finn's joy. He supposed everyone else was feeling pretty down, too.

The worst of it was when everyone gathered in the living room to watch the live news broadcast as everyone counted the seconds down. Rather than the antsy jitters Finn normally felt during the final seconds of December, he felt...nothing. He couldn't seem to bring his spirits up to the level of his friends. And as everyone called out a chorus of 'Happy New Year!'s, the kiss Lucy gave Finn didn't feel any different. It didn't have the usual magical quality a New Year's Kiss should. Nevertheless, he clinked glasses, hugged, and smiled along.

After the initial buzz of the new year, everyone began to slowly settle down amongst the cushions and carpet. They took to sharing memories with each other, reminiscing on their favourite moments together. There would come the occasional mention of Y/n, and a pregnant pause would follow where everyone seemed to take a moment to imagine she were there with them. Finn dreaded those couple seconds of sombre silence. He had the irrational feeling that a person or two (but it really felt like six) would automatically look to him, as if in accusation.

It was no secret what happened between Finn and Y/n, and although his friends had since gotten over what he did, he couldn't help but feel irreversibly guilty. It took the girls especially — Millie, Sadie, Sophia — to stop giving him the cold shoulder. Although Finn felt they were totally justified, was it reasonable to blame him for her decision to move? Y/n did tell him that it had nothing to do with him, that she had been thinking about it since she went to New York in July with Wyatt and Sophia, but that's when all the what ifs started to surface.

What if she was just saying that?

What if I tried harder?