Sunshine mixed with a little Hurricane

||6||

Dear Diary,
Just fuck off.
I am pissed and my life is a shit but here is the thing, its sort of a funny story because if inviting problems in life was an art I would have been an exclusive artist.
But then it is what it is and yeah things always doesn't work out the way they are supposed to. We still manage to get over with it though. I mean experiences and patience just does the trick.

Perhaps it's hard to have a fresh start when the past doesn't get out of your mind. It's impossible actually.
It's time that I introduce my ex in to this story. Well he isn't important but if I am telling my story, it's important that I mention it all.

You remember that one ex you thought you might end up with. Yes that's it, it's him. My ex a desperate human being born in early 90's was hell of a ass.
Well now you see I am saying this but I was the one who was head over heels for him. It's fine actually. It just defines how I always have been.
A description of what I had?
Well then here it goes,
It was quite good actually. I was really happiest when I was with him. Regular morning texts, those little concerns and efforts, long paragraphs, pictures, movie dates, road dates, intimacy and romance.
Yeah everything was on point. I was never this happy before. I so wanted this to end like some classic fairy tale.
But as you know it was too good to be true. Everything was going fine until one fine day he texted;

'Listen we need to talk. '

'Yes we need to. Where were you? From last week I have been trying to reach you and you don't even care to answer my call back. I texted and called you so many times. And now it has started to freak me out. '

'Look here is the thing. I don't think we should go out anymore. '
'But why? '
'I don't know. I don't feel about you that way. I mean I thought I do maybe. But I don't. I never did. It was spontaneous and I randomly approached. I didn't think about it then. But now I do.
We can't be together. '
'But... '
'Please. I don't want to talk. I don't love you. I was just saying it. I don't feel it though. '
'Hey we can talk it out. I love you okay. Just tell me what is it that  is bothering you.'
'I don't know I am still in love with my ex. I miss her. I can't get her out of my brain. I love her and I cannot love anyone the way I loved her.Plus I think it's better if I focus on earning money because that's all that matters really. Emotions never really mattered than money did so I think it's better off this way. '
'Please.. Give me a chance to sort this out. '
'I don't want to. Please leave me alone. Just leave.'
'But.. '
'Bye I don't want to talk. '

One and a half years of relationship and this is what I got. My heart got shattered in pieces. The world seemed dim and bleak. But hey life hurts. It always will, the catch is to survive it.

And here is the thing after our break up....
He never really seems to go away. Like he always comes back and talks with emotions and how he did a bad thing of leaving me. But the thing is he never seems to change and it's turning out to be a bit ridiculous now. Like he is always on the verge of having sex. Always justifying his cheating and stuffs and also his 3am texts about how much he loves me.
But here is a fun fact, he has a girlfriend and he finds the peace in me. And he doesn't want a relationship and yes he is a fuckboy.
Yup you guessed it absolutely right.
Like he doesn't move on and he never let's me do that as well. Lol.
People are really strange to be honest and the thing is I don't know what I path I am going to enter now.
No one knows that until they do.

Anyway it's Tuesday and college is on.
As usual Ayan chose to leave early for the sake of tution he doesn't even attend just to be sure. Tuesday is the day with the most classes so bravo I have to spend most of the time out of home. Basically a peace escape.

By the way last week I tried talking to Mayank. Here is the thing, he is one hell of a flirter even if he seems the most innocent one. I tried talking about Mithi and that if he is interested or not.
Seems he isn't interested in her or at anyone else for that matter.
At first I thought I might tell her but I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not. So I decided to leave it on the flow and fate.
Everyone had to leave but you know how stubborn Mithi can be to attend the classes. So I decided to give her company and some lameass advice of course.
The last class was about to happen after almost one and a half hour. So we got plenty of time to talk shit. We sat on the last benches of the gallery and there we were talking things that don't even matter.

'Sam can I ask you something? '
'Sure. Shoot. '
'Are you okay? You seem upset. '
'I am fine. What would I be upset for? '
'Umm! You know how Professor's wife is pregnant. '
'First of all we don't if it's true or not.
Secondly he is just a crush not an obsession.
Thirdly what the fuck? '
'Was just checking. '
'Lol. '

*giggles**
*more giggles**
*dies of laughter****

A text popped up in my phone and I checked it out while I was running outta breathe because of some lame thing I cracked.
It was from Mayank.

'You guys are dying or what? What so funny? And if it's that funny tell me what is it. '
'None of your business really. Plus jokes are not for you kiddo. So just go back to sleep. '

*he looks back from the fourth bench with a smile**
*more smiles**
*my inner shyness shows up my face**

'Okay freak that's it. '
'I am a freak? Then who are you? '
'Whatever. '
'Yeah whatever. '

*again he looks back with a smile**

'Hey stop smiling looking at me. It's weird. '

*again looks back**

'Looks like somebody is embarrassed. '
'I am not. '
'Yes you are. '
'Will you stop. '

*random staring comes to an end**

'Sam? Hey Sam? What's going on? '
'Just him being a freak. '
'Aww looks like someone is being shy. '
'I am not. '
'Tell me something. '
'What? '
'Will you say yes to him if he approaches? '
'I don't know. '
'Don't be diplomatic queen. Just answer the damn question. '
'Maybe.. I don't know yes maybe. '
'I see someone is getting a bit of crush on someone. '
'No it's not like that. It's nothing. It's just you know. You know what right. '
'Lol. '
'His smile is cute though. '

*awkward smiles**
'I think I should go now. It's getting late. '
'Yeah girl. '
'You know that I love you right? '
'Yeah I know. '
'Bye bitch.
'Bye weirdo. '

Walking down the stairs our eyes struck over each other. We smiled. My curiosity grew with him hiding deliberately.
You know that smile when it hides the slightest amount of affection.
Not going to lie. That day I didn't feel like leaving that room at all. I felt connection. I was finding reasons not to leave that old faded room. The room which was never my favorite, but the moment there caught me in full and I was smitten.
Yes I wanted to wait for him. Yes I wanted him to look at me. I wanted him to notice when I am not around.

Yes this was the beginning of the disaster coming in few months about time.
But still the moments are something that you can hold on to.
The road seemed less complicated than ever. The rain didn't seem to bother me. The crowded roads didn't left any mark on my mind. But he did and his damn smile did.
I was finally happy again and nothing in this world can ruin it.
Well almost nothing but chaos never seems to go out of my way so fuck em with some jelly beans.

*laughing tracks**
*some more**
*yeah some more**
*yeah a little more**
*finally burst out with cocaine stuffed in a lunatic women**

Not going to see you around so just buzz off.

                              ~🌸❤~