Missing Piece

23. Confessions

  Kylo had guided me to his private quarters, so we could talk without those all hearing stormtroopers bothering us.
  I sat in the same seat as the previous time, only this time it was day. So I had a view of the enchanting, snowy forest instead of a star-filled sky.
  "What is it that makes you feel upset (Y/n)?"
  I ripped my eyes away from the fairytale-like view and looked at Kylo. "It's just... it's so hard. I don't know if he told you, but I really like Matt. He's so sweet. And he has something special, something I can't quite put my finger on..."
I thought back of the shared kiss and all the feelings it brought up.
  "Don't you like him? Is that what's bothering you, do you regret what you've done?" Disappointment slipped into his voice.
  I quickly shook my head. "No, I don't regret it for a single moment. It's just that I feel bad for Hux, he had always been so kind to me. And what does he get in return? A stab in the back." I looked at my lap, not able to face Kylo. "Do you know if Hux is upset?"
  It was so strange to tell Kylo these things, I didn't even understand why he would want to listen.
  "I don't know. Hux and I aren't really... close."
  I nodded. "I've already heard something like that. Could you... take it easy on him, I don't want him to be more upset... I'd feel better, knowing that his life would be a little easier. Not thanks to me, though..." I scoffed at myself.
  Kylo wished he could stand up and take (Y/n) in his arms, shielding her from her problems... But he couldn't, he was Kylo Ren, not Matt. Instead he had to calm her in a less suspicious way.
  "Would you like a cup of tea? That usually helps with calming oneself."
I nodded a yes, having the feeling that he spoke from experience.
  Kylo came back with a cup of tea, as soon as he gave it to me he realised something. "I didn't ask which flavour you wanted." A robotic sigh left the helmet. "I instinctively prepared my special calming tea."
  I took a sip of the drink, immediately a soothing wave struck my body, warming me up from the inside. The different spices danced along my tongue.
  "Don't bother, it's delicious and really does help." I sent him a grateful smile. "Where did you learn how to make such excellent tea?" I tried to change the subject to something less depressing, or at least that's what I had initially thought.
  "It's... complicated."
  I put my tea down. "Do tell. You listened to my story, I am willing to listen to yours."
  Kylo sat back in his seat, lost in his thoughts. His voice sounded emptier than any voice manipulator could manage to achieve. "I was born under the name of Ben Solo. My parents are Leia Organa and Han Solo. My mother used to travel a lot for her work, visiting all kinds of places. That's where she learned how to make a special tea, which she later taught me." The knight paused. "I'll spare you the rest of the story."
  Kylo had told her more than he had told any (living) soul in the galaxy.
  I was, of course, pretty shocked by this unexpected twist, but I didn't show Kylo that.
  Just one little problem, I had no idea how to respond.
  Luckily Kylo did, after a while. "Matt made something for you. He wanted me to give it to you, as an apology for what happened." Kylo stood up, walked to a cabin and took a box out of it. He handed me the closed box. "Open it."
  Something made me frown, I just couldn't place what. When I opened the box I saw a pastry, covered with an exotic kind of berries. Unfortunately the pie was slightly burned.
  "This is a delicacy from his birth planet. The berries on top are Chandrilan grappaberries."
Ahw, he made me a pastry, just like I did. How sweet.
  I carefully took the pastry out of the box and took a bite. Sweat cream filled my mouth, combined with the taste of the sour berries. It was very tasteful, just a little burned.
Typical Matt.
  I finished the pastry, I felt Kylo's gaze on me.
  "You've got something..." he reached out with a napkin and carefully brushed the corner of my mouth, "...on your face."
  "Thanks." I stuttered.
  "And? Do you like it?" Kylo asked eagerly.
  "It's delicious, I love the combination of sour and sweet. And the idea behind the berries, feels very personal. Which I appreciate. It's just a little burned, that's all."
  Kylo nodded excitedly. "I'm sure that if you teach him, it will be better." Then he hastily added, "I heard you made him pastries once."
  I chuckled and felt my cheeks redden. "I'd love to teach him. He's got talent. And I wasn't aware that he's so impressed by my pastries, nice to hear, thank you."
  My mind started to wander while the both of us were quiet.
  Kylo was very nice, it almost felt familiar, but it also didn't. I didn't have to be strict while being around him, which was quite an extraordinary event for a member of the First Order. It was very strange, but it also gave me a good feeling. The idea of me being the only one allowed to speak with him like this. As if I was a special person... which was an idiotic thought of course. And apparently idiocy generated butterflies.
I felt my cheeks redden while thinking about all these nice things. That was until I realised how wrong it was. Very, very wrong.
He's my superior! And I have Matt, which makes me think; why don't I feel bad? And I've got issues with Armitage as well. God, this is all just so confusing... I might be going crazy.
My head began to ache again.
Without realising it, I had risen to my feet. "I ehm, have to go. It's lunch time."
Kylo nodded and stood up. This time he didn't use the Force to open the door for me, he held it open himself.
I mumbled a "thanks," before heading to the canteen, leaving Kylo behind.

I had finished lunch, alone, Matt was nowhere to be found. I was currently walking through the halls of the base, out of pure boredom, when all lights went off.
What the...
"Who let Matt alone by the shield generator?! How can we rule the galaxy if no one does their goddamn job?!"
I recognised Armitage's infuriated and stern voice.
My technician brain took over.