I Need A Gangster

chapter 2

Jinhwan's POV

I looked at the closed door, wiping away the tears from my eyes.
Did I really hurt him this bad...?

We used to be so close. He would tell me everything which bothered him. But suddenly he started ignoring me. Why is it wrong of me to feel hurt too?

I acted normal because I didn't want him to hate me. I thought I was doing a terrible job as his older brother so I tried to do better.

"June..." I mumbled softly as I sobbed.
I really was a terrible brother.
I hurt his feelings... I hurt him so bad that he started drinking...

I'm a pathetic excuse for a brother or even a friend.

"June... I'm sorry..."

I started to cry, putting a hand on the door.I know he won't let me in now, but I couldn't help it.

The way he looked at me... he looked so hurt and desperate. And it's because of me. It's all my fault.
What am I supposed to do now?

If I'll try talking to him now, he'd say I only care about him as a brother. He kept repeating that as I tried to calm him down.

I took a deep breath, wiping my tears as I continued sobbing. I'll give him his time.

He needs to calm down and I need to think about what he told me. But I won't let him ignore me again. I'll confront him.
We have to talk.

I walked to my bathroom to wash my face, looking at myself in the mirror.

I gently brushed my fingers over my lips.

'I want to be Jay hyung's first kiss.'

Junhoe really said that.
For how long was he thinking about it? How many times have I made him feel uncomfortable by being too close to him?

Why was he avoiding me? Is it because he felt guilty about his feelings? Or is it because what his family made him go through?

I had so many questions it made my head hurt.

Should I talk with Seungri about it? No, but then he'll ask why Junhoe acted this way all of sudden.

Youngbae wouldn't be much help either I guess.

What am I supposed to do then? Try to solve it myself?
How can I know I won't make a mistake again?

I sighed deeply. I need to think about what I feel for Junhoe.

I walked into my room, dropping myself on the bed.

It's true, I always saw him as my younger brother. I felt so sorry for him and tried to cheer him up.
I wanted to show him not everything can be bad.

'I'll protect you hyung!'

When Junhoe said that...
It surprised me.

He was still young, and he's been through a lot. And still, he promised he'll become stronger and protect me.

When exactly did he start liking me?

Well, probably when he started to ignore me. That'll explain his sudden behavior change.

Junhoe...
He changed a lot. He's still quiet.
He doesn't trust strangers so easily. But he's more confident of himself. He grew to be stronger...

Junhoe, Yunhyeong, Donghyuk... They all are my younger brothers because they are younger than me.

We are not related in any way, but as the older, I see it as my responsibility to care for them.
If I'd stop seeing Junhoe as my younger brother...