look at me {l.s au} | boyxboy

Chapter 19: Ship Lost At Sea

~Harry's POV~

Once I got to the front door I knocked and then looked back at my mum who blew one last kiss whilst she backed up. I then turned around as the door opened. I glanced at Louis and smiled, "Hello Louis.."

~Louis' POV~

"Your out early?" I asked.

He nodded, "I guess so.."

"Come in." I spoke up as he walked into our house. I took a look at him and felt like crying. He was so skinny. It was something I didn't realize when I saw him last. Harry turned around and faced me.

"How are things going?" He asked very awkwardly.

"Better. You?"

"Much better. It's good to be home." Harry said as he sat down on the couch.

"I bet. I couldn't imagine.." I walked over towards him and sat down on the other side of the couch.

"Louis. Can I actually talk to you?" He replied, his tone very stern but emotional.

"Sure."

"Well. I just want to apologize first off. I'm sorry for what I said to you when you came to visit me. I really am sorry. I was just caught up in what was going on and my thoughts were clouded. I love you very much Louis..and I hope you know that..I will always love you.." Harry stopped as he tried not to cry. I looked at him and held back the tears myself. "I've been selfish and thought about myself. I shouldn't have kept you a secret. What I should have done was kept you closer. You are something that only comes once in a lifetime..."

"Harr-"

"Louis. Listen. I really love you."

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't care if you don't feel the same way anymore. I just want you to know.." He then stood up and walked upstairs. Harry looked terrible and I'm pretty sure he knew that.

It was all pretense. The whole "I don't like you" act. I absolutely despised acting like I hated Harry and as if I had "moved on". When in reality I haven't moved on. I love him and as he said I always will.

~Harry's POV~

I walked into my bedroom which looked just like when I left it.

A mess.

Books scattered around the room, the bed wasn't made. Clothes all over the floor some were even Louis'.

I trudged over to the bed and curled up into a ball. Holding onto my knees tightly. I might as well still be in rehab locked up like a rat in a cage. I probably sound and look like a pathetic excuse for a man. But, I couldn't help my feelings and that's what I hate the most.

Eventually I just cried myself to sleep. I felt like I just wanted to die.

~

*A month has passed and they have now started their world tour*

I pulled my shirt on and glanced over at Louis who was getting his hair done. He glared at me then looked away quickly. Rolling my eyes I walk over to Niall.

"Hey." I spoke up whilst placing my hand on Niall's back.

"Oh, hey, how's it going?" He asked with a snug smile.

"It could be better. Yourself?" I removed my hand from his back and placed it on my hips.

"Great. I'm stoked to perform." He replied. I could tell he was excited he was practically bouncing off the walls.

"Me too. It's been awhile." I laughed. "Maybe a little too long.."

"Definitely. Well good luck tonight mate."

"Thanks you too." Niall went the opposite direction. I turned my head around and glanced over at Louis. Without paying attention Cal, the photographer, ran into me. "I'm so sorry. You alright?" I said as I tucked my curls behind my ear.

He looked at me and smiled, "I'm fine Harry. It's okay."

"I'm sorry again. I didn't mean too!" I apologized again.

"It's okay. Don't worry." He smiled.

"I'm sorry that I keep apologizing I can't help it..I'm sorry..I'm just going to go.." I then pointed to a direction and began to go the way I pointed. I hung my head low and walked into the dressing room.

I then began to talk to myself, "Pull it together Styles it'll be okay. Everything is alright. Your alright. Just breathe.." Liam then walked into the room.

"Hey you okay?"

"Yeah, um, I'm fine." I shot a small smile hoping he would buy it.

"Okay. Good luck." Liam replied as he patted my back.

"Thanks you too." I then looked in the mirror and stared at my body. It was disgusting.

I wiped my eyes quickly as I heard a knock at the door.

"Hey, Harry. How are you?" Lou asked as she pulled me into a hug.

"I'm fine. Yourself?"

"I'm great!" She pulled away and looked at me with a smile on her face. "How was rehab?"

"Terrible to be honest.."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that..are you at least better?" She asked.

"Not really.."

"Hm, so the 'I'm fine' thing you gave me was a lie?"

I nodded, "Pretty much.."

"Come here.." She hugged me once more, this time I couldn't help myself. I began to cry as I hugged her back. "Sweetie..it'll be okay."

"N-No it won't.." I croaked.

"I know. You feel like it's not going to get better, but it is. Now, tell me what's going on..is it Louis?"

I nodded, "Y-Yeah.."

She sighed quietly, "I'm sorry..have you told him how you feel?"

"Yes..I have..plenty times..but he doesn't listen.."

"That means you just have go show him." She pulled away and smiled.

"W-What?" I replied as I wiped my wet eyes.

"Show him you love him. If talking doesn't work then put those words into action. Make him feel the love you have for him." She said as she handed me a tissue. "It might work. Give it a try."

"Are you s-sure?" I asked.

"Yes. If it doesn't work then there are always other options." Lou gave me a reassuring smile. "Now let's do your hair and clean you up."

I walked over to the chair and sat down.

~

The one thing I noticed was Louis' performance was different. He wasn't putting any effort into it. To be honest, he seemed just as sad as me. I'm not sure why, he seemed happy earlier. I mean, he's with Eleanor. A girl that can actually have kids. Something I could never do..

No matter how hard I tried to avoid Louis I couldn't help but stare. Because I love him. Without him I'm lost and it's shown a lot while I performed tonight. He was my compass. He showed me where to go. Always reassuring me that I'm okay. But without him, I'm not Harry. I'm just a ship lost at sea with no direction.

~