unattainable (tony stonem/chris miles)

Episode 1.1

"What?" I snapped down the phone while clutching a towel around myself.
"I'm sure that's not how you greet someone when they ring you. Maybe try 'hello'?" Tony's arrogant voice was intolerable at this time of the morning. "What's your problem?"
"I was in the fucking shower, Tony." I complained, feeling cold and still having patches of shampoo in my hair.
"And you got out just to answer the phone to me? That's so cute."
"Tony, can you -"
He cut me off again with his overly confident voice. "And that must mean you're naked too, right? You have treated me this morning, Cleo." 
"Right, goodbye, Tony."
"No, no, wait." Tony insisted. "Can you go in and wake your lousy brother up?"
"Why?" I questioned.
"We have a plan to lose his virginity tonight, he needs to meet me to talk about it, and he can't do that when he's being a lazy twat in bed."
"Fine." I groaned.
"And if you feel like some entertainment this morning, I'd come if I were you. Café. Half an hour. Don't bother putting clothes on if you don't want." I could tell he was smirking on the other side of the phone.
"Tony, I swear -"
I was cut off by the sound of the line ending. "Dick." I muttered.

"Do you have to dress so fucking scruffy?" I whined at my brother who wore a stained hoodie and his usual beanie.
"If you don't like it, you don't have to walk with me." Sid rolled his eyes.
"I'm only coming for entertainment purposes." I told him.
"Yes, of course, because everything thinks it's so bloody hilarious that I'm still a virgin." Sid rolled his eyes again.
"It is a bit." I shrugged. "But I still can't believe you're actually allowing Tony to plan you losing your virginity. You know for a fact he'll set you up with a complete skank."
"I'm not really allowing him, am I? Tony gets an idea in his head and he doesn't give a fuck what I say." Sid had a point. "Anyway, I'm sure it won't be that bad. I think he's got it under control."
"I'd be apprehensive if I was you. He's probably been in every girls pants within a one-hundred mile radius at this point." I scoffed.
"Yeah, well, thankfully not yours."
"I know. And it winds him up every day." I pointed out.

"I'm crap in the mornings." My brother admitted.
Sid, Tony and I were sat in a run-down café.
"You're always crap." Tony corrected. "But tonight, we're going to a party and you're finally popping your cherry."
"Fuck off. 'Finally'." Sid scoffed. "It's perfectly common for someone of the age of sixteen to -"
"No." Tony interrupted him. "It's embarrassing."
Sid looked at me for reassurance and I simply shrugged and continued to sip my milkshake.
"Fine. How?" Sid played along.
"Okay. We go to the party and we get a girl catastrophically spliffed up. In her confused state she comes to believe - however momentarily - that you're attractive enough to shag." Tony explained.
"You're such a twat, Tony." I told him.
He laughed. It didn't even slightly have an effect on him, I'd told him too many times.
"You'll fall for me one day." He promised.
"Yeah, clearly. Because it's only been ten years of you trying and me not being even slightly interested." I shrugged but the cocky smile didn't leave his face.
"Who's the lucky girl then?" Sid wondered.
"I think you're going to like this." Tony smiled.

Just then, I noticed Michelle strutting in her usual manner directly towards the cafe.
"Michelle?" Sid's eyes lit up.
I frowned. I was sure Michelle wouldn't stoop low enough to shag my unhygienic brother.
"Hang on, Sid." Tony confirmed my thoughts with his equally confused face.
"I'm going to do it with Michelle!" Sid exclaimed.

Just as Sid dipped his head to attempt to wipe the food off his chin, Michelle entered the cafe and latched herself onto Tony's face.
Sid looked up with an amusingly disappointed face to see Michelle passionately kissing Tony when he'd thought that he was being set up to lose his virginity with her.
I stifled a laugh. "You're an idiot, Sid." I told him and he rolled his eyes.
I cringed at the sight and sound of Michelle and Tony kissing in the middle of the cafe.

Sid sighed as he watched Tony and Michelle.
"Are we getting me laid or shall I just start filming and take it back for private time?" He asked and I laughed.
"Who's stupid enough to fuck Sid?" Tony asked Michelle.
"Cassie."
"She's still in hospital, isn't she?" I asked.
"No. They let her out. She's just not allowed to handle knives." Michelle filled me in.
"We're going to need a lot of drugs." Tony continued. "Get an ounce, Sid. We'll sell it at the party."
"Hang on. I've got to get an ounce of spliff?" Sid seemed unhappy.
"Yeah. There's this guy who'll sell on tick. You can tell him we'll pay tomorrow." Tony casually said.
"Can you come?" Sid asked me.
"No." I told him and he groaned.
"Why?"
"I don't want to." I shrugged.
"Fine." Sid turned to Tony. "What's this guys name?"
"It's all on there." Tony passed Sid a note and Sid and I both stood up.
Sid unfolded the piece of paper before we exited the cafe and showed it to me.
"That's this guys name? Mad Twatter?" Sid questioned Tony, but it was clear that Tony was preoccupied with Michelle stroking his crotch under the table.
I made a disgusted noise and stormed out of the café.