Mum, I thought, this is for you.
And with that new found hope, I followed a huddle of people onto the train.
***
I boarded the train in silence and sat down at the back of the carriage.
One arm was clutched around my bag as I bit my lip and channelled my thoughts on what lay ahead.
All of a sudden, fear struck me deep in my chest. I was now homeless...
Homeless: I tested the word on my tongue in a frightened whisper.
That's right. It finally sunk in - the results of my brash and sudden decision were being overturned like tarot cards.
I had nowhere to turn to. What if I couldn't find anywhere to stay at this time of the day? Where would I sleep?
Resting my head against the glass, wary of the old lady sitting on the seat to my left, I let silent tears flow; a cry for help, perhaps. I berated myself for being so mindless - what hotel would allow in a scruffy, thin looking 18 year old at this hour?
Trying to calm my frantic breathing, more like panting now, I decided it wasn't worth the worry. For now, or at least another 30 minutes, I could get a little rest.
Soon enough, my mind was away with the fairies.
***
5:10pm read the digital red clock at the front of the carriage.
My head was leaning against the cool window when I felt the train stop.
Following the dozen people flooding out of the train, I walked out into London.
I gazed around at my surroundings.
Strangely enough, the city was still relatively busy. Office workers carried briefcases in one hand and tapped away on high end phones as they rushed through the 5pm hustle and bustle of the city. This was nothing like Milton Keynes, but nonetheless, I began to like it.
Dad wouldn't find me yet, so I hoped.
Despite the colourful generations all in one place, my initial judgement was that it seemed a bit dated; as if it still held memories from the past.
My blue eyes watched on, frozen in place with awed surprise.
London was definitely a change from the council estate I lived on all these 18 years of my life.
***
A man passed me by as I tried to figure out where I could go. For a big city, I couldn't find many sign posts. "Excuse me?" I called. He turned around, "Yes?"
"Um, do you know which way the nearest café is?" I asked sheepishly, aware that some people were turning to look at me.
I didn't understand the fascination: maybe they could sense I didn't fit in here.
"Of course, love, you just follow the path straight down, turn right, you should come to a small town centre. In there you'll find a string of cafés." He explained, smiling at me warmly.
I returned the smile, getting used to the feeling, "Okay, straight ahead, right turn. Got it. Thank you very much, sir."
Cutting our interaction short, he saw a taxi pull up and dashed towards it.
I began my shaky descent deeper into London, wincing every so often from the strain on my back which made itself known once again.
My eyes pooled with water unintentionally; God, was I weak. Would I ever manage the troubles of my past and combat my demons, or was I a coward for turning away from it?
Chapter 2: Lights
Começar do início
