we all wear masks [ p.p ]

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Betty's words banged against your skull all day, and then all week, and all you could think about was the prospect of losing your hero to one of his co-workers. It was odd, thinking of him as having co-workers--he was a teenager--but the news app on your phone was restless, telling you all about Spiderman and Black Cat and their missions and late night hang sessions.

Fine, maybe 'hang session' wasn't the exact term the news reporter used--but in your head, that's how it played out.

They were out late, full of adrenaline, playing hero, catching the bad guys, going to a rooftop to wind down, talking, getting to know each other, bonding.

It drove you practically crazy to think about it. And you hated that. You hated that you cared so much and you hated all the things you said to him and the way you behaved and you hated that Peter didn't make any advances towards you in the days that followed your caffeinated olive branch. You were well aware of the fact you did not deserve any advances to begin with, at all, but it still hurt. You still wanted him to try. You still hoped he cared.

Then Betty said something else, introducing it as a warning she just had to tell you, about some things Peter shared at Ned's house the night before. Talking about how special this black cat was, and how she cared about people and wanted to save them--about how he hated her guts but he knew that no matter what, when the guns started shooting--Black Cat would be by his side.

You cursed under your breath, but sent Betty a smile nonetheless. You couldn't possibly compete with something like that.

Every night you thought about him, about how much you missed him and how much of a bitch you were to him these past few months. You didn't know how you could fix it, what you could possibly say to him to make him forget the names you called him--and the ones he called you back. You just wanted to make him remember the better things; the kisses and the promises and the giggles in between your interlocked lips.

That's how you found yourself setting your alarm fifteen minutes earlier than you normally would have, just to make sure you didn't look as sleep deprived as you felt, and so you could find the best outfit your closet had to offer, and so you could make up a story on your way to school--an excuse to talk to Peter. Maybe you needed help with homework, or maybe you saw a crime being committed on your way, or maybe you just really needed to tell him something.

You were never creative enough, and every morning as you saw him load his locker into his backpack to prepare for his classes that day--you blanked. Found nothing to say to him, and so you never approached his figure lined perfectly by the lockers, you turned your head as soon as you spotted his messy brown hair. However, you never spotted his brown eyes as they scanned the crowd for you--and a look of longing on his face that said he wanted to make up something to talk to you about, too.

You decided Peter hated you. Oh, you knew that for a while, but now you understood it. He threw your coffee cup on the floor (sure, you threw his first) and he never came to talk to you anymore, and after your talk with Betty you knew why. Peter found a better girl than you to spend his time with--one that was extraordinary like he was. You just needed a chance to prove to him you weren't such a bad person, and perhaps you didn't have superpowers to save people like she did, but you could do good with what you had. Couldn't you?

You knew there was nothing you could do, no situation the world would put you in in which you could prove to Peter that you weren't always against him--that you, too, could be on his side.

*

It wasn't out of the ordinary for MJ to find you at lunch and drag you to Peter's table. Betty was usually there, sharing her chips with Ned, and they all sent you a small smile. They had stopped trying to interfere, and get the pair of you to talk, but they all liked each other's company--and you couldn't lie and say it wasn't the highlight of your day, to sit in front of Peter. Sure, you would've preferred him to actually acknowledge you but baby steps were all you had right now and sitting across from his in silence wasn't the worst starting ground.