Still

Prolouge

"Let us have Miss Cataianna Sanchez, MD. from the Neurology Department." The Emcee announced.

I gathered up my courage as I walk unto the stage.

Stage fright had always been an enemy of mine before. But when I entered medical school, those frights had disappeared leaving me with only seconds of anxiety attack before I give a talk which eventually fades away. I am a neurologist afterall. I should be an epitome of courage to young people.

Everyone in the auditorium gave me a round of applause as I walk towards the podium. These audiences were the Paulinian students of St. Paul University System, and they are having their Paulinian Youth In Worship in St. Paul University Iloilo, my Alma Mater.

"Good morning Paulinians," I greeted. All of them greeted me back and some smiled. "As you can see, I am an Aluma of this Institution and luckily, I became one of the faces of MTH. And I, am here to share to you how I survived my College days. And since our topic is about love, and relationships, I will be sharing with you one of my inspirations to achieve my dreams." The Marian Hall-the place where we are having a talk- , beamed with excitement as some students strated teasing each other and others grinned. "Well, it seems like almost everyone can relate." I smiled.

"Sabi nga nila, love can be the most powerful weapon in the world and even the most dangerous, if wielded by the wrong individual. But, we have to know that love itself can be used, manipulated and controlled. It really depends on the person.

I met love when I was very young, younger than anyone of you here. We entered in a relationship but I ended it because we can't be together. Time passed and we met again in our senior high school year. He became a different person, less cheerful more problematic, konti na lang at mahuhulog na siya into depression. It was a struggle for me. I want to understand him but I don't know how.

I was an ABM student. Science courses are way out of my league. I detest science the most, I hate memorization. But then, love taught me how to bargain. I really want to understand him, kaya instead of Business Administration course, I applied for BS Psychology. Everyone expected me to be a business minded person, not someone na magiging psychologist, kaya nang malaman nila, they were really shocked and disappointed. I have to convince everyone that I am serious with the course, not because someone told me to take it para payagan akong kunin ito.

In college, I exerted a lot of effort to my studies. I have to understand everything and to help him in any way I can. My research was made for him. Some of my projects were also for him. But when I was in third year, I have met this man. He was the guest speaker for our forum. He told us that we must not let love control us. His speech made me realize that my choices were not for me anymore, but for the person I love. And that was the time that I came up to my senses. I realized that my world should revolve around me and not around him. Since then, I changed my ways. I studied harder for myself and for the people around me. I decided to let go of him and not worry about his situation. I will wait until he ask for my help before helping him.

Love had manipulated me, almost turning me into a different person but thanks to God, I have returned to who I really am. I continued to be a psychologist and attended my medical proper at UP. Luckily, I became successful. It was all because of my hard work but still, I am thankful for love. Without it, I will never experience the things I am experiencing right now. Hindi ko ikinahihiyang nakontrol ako nito noon, I am proud because I learned to break from that manipulation and live on my own."

I shared a lot of advices about my experiences both in love and in work in a span of 20 minutes. And I am happy that as I ended my speech, I have inspired some of them. "I hope you guys had learned from my experiences. Thank you, and have a nice day. Caritas Christi Urget Nos." After saying our mantra, I smiled and bowed at them.

Palakpakan silang lahat hanggang sa nakaupo ako sa speaker's lounge sa stage. Tinawag na ang isang guest speaker and He had shared his own experiences na love and work related, just like mine.

"The table is now open for questions." Soft whispers filled the Marian Hall as people began sharing their supposedly questions to their seatmates. Nahihiyang tumayo ng isang estudyante hawak ang isang maliit na papel. Her group cheered for her. "And for the first question,"

"Good morning po, I am Kylene Domingo po from St. Paul University Dumaguete. My question is for the three panelists. What is your greatest downfall? How had you handled it as a Paulinian?"

Unang sumagot ang guest speaker na nuna magbigay ng speech niya sa akin. As miss Montenegro -the famous News Anchor- ended her answer, the host looked at me signalling me to answer next.

"Well for me, my greatest downfall is when I changed my ways and inspiration to study. A lot of things happened in between those paces and some things really made me loose my interest on studying. I was devastated that time and my only hope is to tall to someone who can at least comfort me. Well, Sr. Cely introduced me to St. Thomas Aquinas, the patron saint of catholic education. Whenever I felt sad, I always seek comfort from St. Thomas Aquinas in Jaro Cathedral by praying. I always share whatever I felt and luckily, I always feel light after sharing my burden. That's how I handled it, through prayers."

Mr. Isaac Morgan, a pilot from Quatar Air also aswered after me. He was the third quest speaker.

Marami ang mga nagtanong at nasagot naman namin lahat. Most students are curious about balancing relationship and studies.

"And down to our last question?" The Emcee announced. Tinanguan niya ang isang lalaki para magtanong.

"Hello, I am Jonathan Cabaral, from St. Paul University Iloilo. This question is for Dr. Sanchez po." The guys smiled and looked at me. "Doc, I am a big fan of yours po. Actually, almost all of us from Psych Department are your fans." Almost everyone cheered. Napangiti na lang ako, kilala pala nila ako. "This is kinda out of your profession po, pero we're dead curious. Last time po, sa vlog ninyo, you mentioned na hanggang ngayon, mahal nyo pa yung ex ninyo pero hindi na kayo gumagawa ng paraan para magkabalikan kasi hindi kayo pwede. At nabasa ko rin po dati sa magazine kung saan na feature kayo, isa lang po yung naging boyfriend ninyo since birth."

Napahinga ako ng malalim sa nasabi niya. Am I being roasted in this hot seat?

"Yung tinutukoy nyo po ba sa speech nyo, yun po ba yung ex nyo na hindi kayo makapag move on? Ano po yung dahilan kung bakit hindi kayo pwede? And lastly, siya po ba si Atty. Florentine?"

Parang hindi ako makagalaw sa kinauupuan ko. My eyes opened wide in shock, and my heart was beating fast. Napuno ng bulong bulongan ang hall. The Host and my fellow speakers looked at me in horror, of course, alam ng halos lahat ang nangyari sa akin.

I am one of the famous doctors of UP-PGH and an influencer. Kilala rin si Atty. Florentine dahil sa galing niya sa korte. Last year, a friend of mine accidentally talked about us in her vlog. Naging laman kami ng social media for how many weeks, at maraming talkshows ang humingi ng opinyon namin. Atty. Florentine was open about our past, but we never really talked about it in public. And now, he was my topic for my speech. Hindi ko inasahan na naaalala pa nila ang tungkol sa balitang iyon. But I guess, I have no choice. I must be honest.

"Uhm, Doc, you may not answer tha-"

"No, it's fine." I smiled at her and looked at the guy in front. What was his name again? Oh. "Hi Jonathan, first of all, I would like to thank you, and your department for being a fan. And because we're Paulinians, I will be honest with all of you here." Huminga ako ng malalim bago ako nagsalita ulit. "Attorney Diego Florentine and I, had a past. Yes, he was my only boyfriend. We never did try to deepen our relationship, simply because."

A deafening silence filled the room, or was is just me? Tanging tibok ng puso ko lang ang naririnig ko.

"He's my second cousin." Finally! Naamin ko rin ang isang bagay na dati ay hindi ko matanggap-tanggap.

Yes, Diego Florentine was my first boyfriend, my first love, and my second cousin.