Voir Dire (N.H.)

thirty-four

As they entered the house, Niall directed Krystal to the guest bedroom on the first level. He hadn't wanted to bring her here, but after the ER visit she was still very anxious, and he knew that being alone tonight wouldn't be good for her or the baby. 

Everything was fine with the baby- thankfully. Just some cramping, the doctor had told them, normal as the baby grows and the uterus begins to stretch. They had gotten an extra ultrasound out of the visit though, and Niall couldn't believe how much the baby had grown since the last time they'd gotten to see him. Him. It was a boy, the ultrasound tech had told him today.

Niall thought he would feel relieved, that everything would be okay. Instead, his worries had shifted back to Kelsey, who he had abruptly left on their evening in. He hoped she would understand why he needed to be there, and why he had brought Krystal back here.

When Niall got to his bedroom door, he saw Kelsey's body, curled onto one side facing away from him, her chocolate hair sprawled across the pillow. He climbed onto the bed, setting a hand on her shoulder gently. "Are you awake?" he asked, his voice just louder than a whisper. 

Kelsey hesitated for a moment, before responding. "Yes." 

"Are you upset with me?" Niall asked, but he already knew the answer.

"You tell me," Kelsey stated rolling over to face him and folding her arms in front of her chest. Her lips closed in a firm line.

"I'm sorry I missed dinner," Niall said softly. "But it was an emergency. I wouldn't have left if it wasn't. You know that."

Kelsey stayed quiet, her face blank. For a moment, she considered simply biting her tongue and keeping all her concerns locked up inside her head. If she stayed quiet they could go to bed and keep the night from being totally ruined. 

But the night was already ruined. And this wasn't something that would happen once. This was something that would happen again and again over the course of Niall's future child's life. She sat up in the bed abruptly and Niall can tell by the look on her face that she's not about to say "it's okay."

"Are you sure about that? Because you seemed really quick to answer her phone call. You didn't even hesitate. You didn't even say, 'hey, I'm having dinner with Kelsey, you know the girl that I'm supposedly in love with," Kelsey's words were sharp.

"That's not fair Kelsey," Niall sighed. "You know I love you, it's just..." Niall scratched his head. "We are having a baby you know. Things like this are going to happen. Emergencies are going to come up. Krystal's never done this before, neither do I. We are still learning."

"I get an emergency, Niall. But why in hell would you bring her back here?" Kelsey's voice raised in volume. "Did you think to yourself, you know what I've already ruined my girlfriend's dinner, might as well ruin the whole night while we're at it huh?" Kelsey spat. 

Niall felt a pang in his chest. He hadn't intended to make Kelsey upset. He was just trying to balance things. He was trying his best.  "I..." he paused, knowing that no reason he gives for bringing back Krystal was going to please Kelsey. "I was just trying to be there for her. I'm really sorry that I ruined our night. It won't happen again. I promise." He tried holding Kelsey's hands, his eyes pleading with her that this wasn't something he planned on repeating.

"Can you promise that? Can you really promise me that you aren't going to drop everything for her when she calls?"

"I'll try to be better. We have to set boundaries. The time that we spend together is important to me. You are important to me. I don't want you to ever feel like you are second choice, because you aren't. Not at all. You are my girlfriend Kelsey, you always come first."

"And what about when the baby comes? Who do I become then? The evil stepmother? The weird aunt?" Kelsey was yelling now, and Niall worried that Krystal would hear them from downstairs. 

Niall began to see that this conversation hadn't only been triggered by Krystal's call, but had been brewing for a while. It was Kelsey's worst fears being brought to light. Her coming to terms with exactly what this relationship would look like once another person entered it.

"Of course not Kels," Niall replied. "I just...I don't want you to feel like the outsider." Niall was at a loss for words. Because what could he really say? He couldn't expect her to jump into this role of parenting if she didn't want to. 

"Are you even sure it's yours?" Kelsey asked, finally speaking what had been on her mind since she first found out about the baby. 

"'Course it is," Niall didn't hesitate.

"Do you have the paternity tests to prove it?" Kelsey challenged.

Niall stared at her blankly. There'd never even been a question that it was his. He shook his head.

"You've got to be kidding me Niall, that's the first thing you fucking get!" Kelsey shook her head in her hands.

"Krystal wouldn't lie about that. If there was a question about who the father was she would have said." Niall's irritated now too. Kelsey always jumped to conclusions when Krystal was uninvolved. It was like she was unable to see Krystal as anything but a villain.

Kelsey sighed, knowing that this was going nowhere. Niall was too trusting- and that's probably what had gotten him into this whole situation in the first place, back to the very first contract. She looked at him, his blue eyes filled with concern. She could tell he's remorseful. She wanted more than anything to lean over and kiss him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, that this was just a minor disagreement. She wanted them to go downstairs and have those brownies she'd baked last night for dessert and come upstairs and snuggle up on his chest to watch The Office on Netflix. 

But she couldn't do it. And Krystal and the baby weren't a contract that could get waived or a record label that could be left. This couldn't just be ignored if they wanted their relationship to work. And Kelsey wanted it to work, she wanted it so badly to work. Maybe that's why she'd failed to see how much Niall being a baby daddy would impact her own relationship with him.

She sighed, lowering her voice back to a normal tone. "Niall, I love you. This doesn't change that. And I know you are trying to do the right thing. I know you are trying to figure things out too. I really thought I could do this. I really thought I could handle it, but after tonight... I just need some time to figure out my place in all this." She stood up, grabbing a pair of sweatpants out of Niall's drawer and sliding them onto her bare legs. 

"Where are you going?" Niall questioned.

"To Becca's. I need to think," she moved towards the door. 

"But this was supposed to be our night. This was.."

"Niall, this hasn't been our night since you chose to pick up that phone," Kelsey snipped. She didn't wait for Niall's response before opening the door and making her way down the stairs.

"Kelsey wait!" Niall exclaimed, but he's too late, Kelsey's slammed the door shut with a wall-moving bang.

Niall climbed down the stairs towards the kitchen, trying to comprehend just how his perfect night had ended so badly. Instead of being met by Kelsey, it's Krystal that stood at the bottom of the stairs. Her face was pale, scared almost, and Niall instantly regretted bringing her back here to get involved in this mess.

"Sorry, I was just getting a drink," she muttered, averting her eyes before Niall could say anything else. And as she walked away Niall wondered just how much she had heard.