Deafening Silence (Larry Stylinson)

Twentyeight - You can't promise me that

Trigger warning, mentions of ptsd, anxiety/panic attacks, past self harm, bullying.

Harry looked up at the sky, wielding back the tears that burned his eyes, pleading their escape. He huffed out a shakey breath and watched as the cold September air carried it's misty smoke in the prickling wind. The sky above him was painted a beautiful blue, but the hue was nowhere near as beautiful as the colour of the eyes of the boy that sat beside him. Harry let his gaze trail across the white clouds that littered the otherwise imperfect blue. He knew that this would be hard, he knew that one day he would have to tell his story again, he even knew that Louis would have found out sooner or later, but what he didn't know was how Louis would react. If the older boy could even look at him the same once he finally knew- that's probably what terrified Harry the most.

"The day of my fourteenth birthday, I lost my hearing." Harry confessed quietly, letting his gaze drop from the skies above him back to the older boy. Louis bit at his bottom lip, trying to hold back his own emotions, he hadn't realised that this was where the conversation was headed. Sure, he wanted to know more about Harry's hearing, he had a million and one questions he had wanted to ask ever since he had found out about it but he had never wanted to push the boy. Now that Harry felt like he could finally tell him, Louis was almost scared for what was to come, and from the way Harry was reacting to the topic he knew that he should be worried.

Louis just nodded softly in hopes to reassure the younger boy. Harry looked down at his hands briefly, playing with the cold metal rings that covered the majority of his fingers, before shrugging, "It's hard to talk about, I haven't, um, told many people my story. It's not something I like to relive but I think you deserve to know- to understand. I just hope it doesn't change things between us." Harry's jaw tightened at the very thought because he really hoped that it wouldn't, Harry couldn't picture losing Louis, not now, not ever. The thought actually pained him and he quickly blinked back the unshed tears that were now welling in his eyes once again.

Louis immediately reached for the younger boys shaking hands, eagerly wanting to comfort him in anyway he knew how. Intertwining their fingers Louis could feel the tremors that radiated off Harry, Louis frowned as he caught Harry's gaze, "It won't."

Harry chuckled lightly as he shook his head, he knew that Louis was being honest but he just couldn't bring himself to get his hopes up- not when Louis had no idea of what was to come. "You can't promise me that."

Louis desperately wanted to argue, to tell Harry that it wouldn't change anything, that he wouldn't let it, but instead he could only watch as the boy rubbed at his face, seemingly trying to calm himself down. Louis wanted to remove all of the boys worries and fears, he wanted to see Harry smile again, but he knew that this was something Harry had to do, this was something he had to hear.

"Growing up I was always- I don't know- a target, I guess? Kids always like to pick on the weak, I had curly hair, painted my nails pretty colours and wore fucking flower crowns, so I stuck out. I was okay with it at first, I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, but I still had my sister and my cousins, and a few girls in my class, so it made things a little easier. When I was around seven or eight, that's when the kids at school started to isolate me, I mean don't get me wrong I had friends, but some people went out of their way to make sure I felt excluded. It started out with name calling, a little bit of pushing and shoving but nothing I couldn't handle. I think the names hurt a little more than I'd like to admit, some are still engraved in the back of my mind. It really fucked with me, I was this small kid, I was supposed to enjoy school and learning but it just seemed like such a cold and lonely place." Harry breathed out quietly, his focus still on his ring clad hands that were now covered by Louis' much smaller, daintier hands. Harry wanted to beam at the warm gesture but he couldn't bring himself to do anything but try and keep his tears at bay. He knew what he was about to say would change things, it would change the way Louis viewed him, the way they worked, their dynamic. Harry wasn't sure if he was ready for all of that to disappear just yet, Louis had already become such an important part of his life and he knew that if Louis rejected him it wouldn't just hurt, it would kill him. For the first time in years Harry finally felt alive, and he knew the reasoning behind it was mostly due to Louis. The older boy was such a wonder, Harry couldn't bring himself to be anything but intrigued, the very first time Harry laid his eyes on Louis he knew that the blue eyed boy would be something special.