Soon You'll Get Better Performance

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Taylor sits down at the piano, her fingers resting on the keys as she attempts to keep herself together. The cameras are all set up and a light is shining on her, it's almost overwhelming. This moment will be one of the hardest things she's had to do live, in fact, she'd sworn she'd never do this. She's run through this performance so many times, trying her hardest to get through it without crying, trying to become de-sensitised to it, but that hadn't really worked. The only way she can get through this is by focusing on something other than the pain behind the song. Joe is standing behind the cameras, ready to record her. He knows how hard this is for her and has spent the morning comforting her, watching her play it over and over again. 

"You ready love?" His voice is gently, his eyes sympathetic. Taylor sighs, she's doing this for the world, for her fans. Hoping that this song might help them right now. She's lucky he's with her, his presence is comforting and she knows that this'll be over in a few minutes. Taylor takes a deep breath, nodding at him. He gives her a thumbs up so she begins playing. 

"The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair..." Taylor starts singing softly. She's holding herself together pretty well, considering. Throughout the song, she feels her eyes start to water, occasionally flicking her eyes up to Joe. She's careful to not think too much about what she's singing, although it's difficult, she makes it through the song. She looks up the camera and tries her best to smile, despite feeling as though she may shatter. Once the red light flickers off, she slumps down, pressing her back to the wall and closing her eyes. The pandemic has increased he fear for the situation, she can't help but worry about her mom every single day now. She knows that her mom falls into the high risk category, which is terrifying. Some days she gets so overwhelmed that she becomes afraid of her phone, flinches whenever it rings. She never wants to receive that phone call. She also knows she can't go see her mom, not wanting to put her in any danger. Taylor can vaguely here Joe shutting off all the lights, moving the cameras away, assumedly trying to make her feel slightly more comfortable. Taylor sits there, focusing on her breathing, trying in vein to not get worked up. That song just brings up so many emotions for her, it had been hard to even release that one into the world. She knows these feeling will probably never go away. 

She feels Joe sit down carefully next to her, her eyes still firmly shut. She's afraid to open them, not wanting to break down again. She feels him pull her body to his, arms wrapping firmly around her, allowing her to take comfort in him. Taylor buries her face in his chest and tries so hard to stop her tears that are threatening to fall. 

"You're allowed to fall apart love." He murmurs gently, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her. Her heart clenches with worry for her mother, her best friend. The only person who has been there for her, through everything. Since day 1. Joe rocks her gently back and forth, offering her comfort, silence enveloping the two of them. Taylor just hopes that hearing that song might have allowed fans to feel less alone. The whole reason she put the song out in the first place was realising that they're not the only family who are going through this. And now, it's too common of an experience. She knows so many people have lost loved ones, so many people know someone who is sick and are in danger. 

Taylor remains cuddled up against her boyfriend's chest, and him, trying in vein to make sure she's okay. Taylor feels so lucky that he understands the pain she's feeling right now. He doesn't expect anything from her, he just wants to help, wants to be there for her. Eventually, Taylor sits back, looking up at him and smiling sadly. She presses her lips to his, silently thanking him for being here for her. 

"It's just hard for me to not worry about her." She says softly, her voice cracking, a stray tear falling down her cheek. Joe quickly wipes it away with his thumb, gently cupping her face.

"I know. It's okay love, you have every right to worry. I know how hard that was. I'm always here for you, I promise." Taylor's heavy heart lightens a little at his words. He does get it. She finally has someone in her life that will support her no matter what, and recognises when she just needs some comfort, rather than facing himself into the situation. She wraps her arms around his neck, resting her head against his shoulder. His arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close once more. Slowly, she feels her body lighten, the emotional weight beginning to lift. Once again, she pulls away and presses her lips to hers. The couple smile at each other, content with being together, here, in this moment. Every day she feels so grateful to have met him all those years ago. 

"Better?" He asks, his fingers squeezing her shoulder. She nods, 

"Much, thank you." She entwines their fingers, leading him to the couch. They flick on the TV, Friends playing quietly in the background, neither of them are really that focused on the show, rather enjoying the closeness they're sharing. Quarantine has brought the two of them closer together, they've been able to spend so much uninterrupted time together and Taylor isn't sure how she'll ever go back to them being on opposite sides of the world. Joe's arm is slung around Taylor, her head rested on his shoulder. They both feel incredibly  appreciative that they are together during all of this, that they have each other, neither is able to imagine doing this alone. Being able to provide endless support when the other is having a bad day has been something Taylor will never be thankful enough for. Holding him when he's down is all she ever wants to do. She feels so overwhelming in love with him in this moment that suddenly she lifts her head up to face Joe, who immediately gives her his undivided attention. 

"I love you, so much. I know I probably don't say it enough, but I do, you really mean the world to me and I love you so so deeply. I can't picture living my life without you. " She becomes entranced with his eyes, which brighten up with every word she says. He grins, pulling her close and kissing her with his entire heart.  

"I know you love me, I love you just as much, if not more. You're really special to me Taylor." She smiles at him and blushes. He somehow manages to make her heart skip a beat still, three and a half years into this relationship. She knows she's never been in love like this, she knows he's the one for her and couldn't be happier about it. 

"I'm so happy you're here with me." She says softly, apprehensively, knowing he has family he could be staying with that he worries about as well. 

"I couldn't be happier to be here with you either love." He murmurs gently, running his fingers through her hair. They both grin at each other, resuming their previous positions, just simply enjoying one another's company. 

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