undercover | kylo ren / ben solo

ix.

She paced around her room in disbelief. How did this happen? How did Kylo Ren trust her enough to be in command? Of course, this was only part of their plan, but she did not expect it to happen this quickly. 

She was worried, within a second she could be on the battlefield leading a fleet whose main goal is to destroy her friends and everything she has stood for her entire life. She could be the hero the resistance needed or could be the one to destroy all of the progress they have already made. 

There was already so much pressure put on her just because of her heritage. To say that her grandfather set the standards high was an understatement. And not only that, but she had the honor to train under the amazing Luke Skywalker and fly with the best pilot in the galaxy, Han Solo. 

She wished she had her friends and Leia along her side, guiding her in what she should do next, she's never been that lost before. She was now on enemy grounds and the hardest thing would be to blend in, not that she's had trouble so far but with greater power and responsibility in the First Order come new and greater pressures and obstacles that she will need to overcome. 

She tried to sleep and although exhausted from earlier events, she was unable to catch some rest. Except, it was not her thoughts that were bothering her. Her head was a jumbled mess of words bouncing off the walls of her brain. She suddenly felt the feelings of anger and loneliness, something she as a Jedi should not experience. There is no room for hatred in the Jedi heart. Yet, she knew exactly what these feelings were, even though she has never experienced them this strongly before. It was as if the person experiencing this great mental agony was somehow connected to her as if she knew them almost as well as she knew herself. 

Suddenly the same noises she heard the other night filled the ship. She couldn't understand what was bothering him, but she knew deep down that anyone who has turned to the dark force was deeply damaged. She was sad that Kylo Ren followed in his grandfather's footsteps, wanting power no matter what it took. Leia told her thousands of stories about her son and Gara felt her heartbreak. Deep down she has hoped that one day he will return to the light, just as his grandfather had done and balance will be restored once and for all. 

If she could she would take all of this away from him and he could return to his family, but she knew she couldn't change him. She just wasn't powerful enough but she failed to realize that being conquered is not what Ben needed to resurface once again.