The Myths of Twisted Felix Katt (Book 2)

(13) No noose is good noose

If you're not willing to look stupid, nothing great is ever going to happen to you - Dr. Gregory House

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, and then generally it’s considered a sport. In this case, I was facing off with most of a woman; although parts of her were post production manufacturing and I stared at her eyes and tried not to go cross eyed. It’s actually harder than it sounds when you are staring at one almost pretty hazel eye and one metal screen. I wondered if the Mods had started to replace a lost eye, or if she had willingly had the orb plucked out to have it replaced with wires and vid screen mesh.

“You really think I am dumb enough to let this Blooded brat go to try and duel with you just because you taunt me?” The marauder leader asked with a disbelieving laugh in her voice.

“Yes. You certainly look dumb enough. I decided to give it a shot. All it did was cost me some breath. Insulting you is astonishingly easy.” I fake whispered the last part as if it were a secret between just us sword wielding women. The look on the woman’s face (who I had already started to mentally call Cyclops Barbie), was a combination of angry disbelief and shocked outrage. As if I had simultaneously mooned her and slapped her across the face. Remind me to try that next time; I’m sure I could figure out a way to actually do that…. “Hey, you asked the question. Good rule of thumb: don’t ask a question that you might not like the answer to.” I jibed a little more.

There is a method to my madness. Sometimes. Mostly. On occasion. But this time there honestly was, I promise. As I was blathering on and generally making an arrogant boob of myself (not exactly a hard task I have to admit), Rorick and Van had stayed back and out of sight, and were now taking the time I was buying them to gain the high ground. Remember how I mentioned that it’s a bad idea to shoot a gun inside a space ship? It really, really is. But sometimes there were no other options. So my crew were climbing into the right place to shoot into the invaders without as much risk to the science team or my ship. Or me for that matter. I’ve worn enough ricochet bullets to my ass to last a lifetime, I really didn’t want to add to the collection of scars on my hide.

“Are you trying to get me angry so I’ll do something rash?” Cyclops Barbie demanded, and even though her words were saying that she was too calm and collected to fall for it, the grip on her sword was white knuckled and told me to keep prodding.

“If I was afraid of you I’d be negotiating. But you look about as scary as the average pimple so instead I am just trying to cut to the chase so we can get the big fight scene over with. You bore me. I would like to get the trash taken out so I can clean up the bits of your crew that are littered over my ship before it starts to stink the place up. So do you mind if we just get to this already?” I asked, putting as much scorn and irritation into my voice as possible. Cyclops Barbie had metal and electrical enhancements to give her voice a boost and make her seem better than she was. I had none of that. Instead I had the formative years of my life been all about how to use my words as a weapon, and a lifetime after that honing the skill into a veritable whip of ‘piss off my enemies’. Poor Cyclops Barbie didn’t stand a chance against me. And we hadn’t even started to beat on each other yet.

“Meredith, hold the Blooded bitch for me. I’m going to carve this tit of a Captain into bite sized pieces.” Cyclops Barbie hissed to the rather mannish looking woman next to her. It had to be Meredith and was likely her second in command to boot.

“Hold on tight Ugly, I’ve heard that this Blooded Lady here has some spunk to her. I wouldn’t want you dropping her like a bar of soap from those big gorilla hands of yours.” I taunted out and actually saw Temperance glare at me a little. Poor little idiot couldn’t figure out my game yet, good Goddess she was sheltered growing up. Maybe Mother didn’t want to make the same mistakes with Temper that she made with me, you know, like teaching me to think for myself. I thought scientists are supposed to be rather intelligent!