exercises of the mind

for her. 22 May 2020.

Thank you for being here. I felt I took your time just for you to come here. You know, I had a crappy day dealing with my own insecurities, and you took some of your time off to visit me. I feel like I'm mostly undeserving but thanks for dropping by. I really appreciate it.

I want to know how your day went, Jewel.

You told me to sit down as you made hot cocoa for two. I would rant about my problems that rooted from poor choices. You told me that I'm human and it should be better for me to keep going. We watched videos of our favorite musicians, and you asked if I'm good at you staying longer.

I closed the window blinds in my bedroom and opened humidifier. We spent minutes laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling. I let out a deep sigh, to which you responded.

You're beautiful.

You knew what was going on my mind. Mostly scars from the inside out, a couple of what ifs, and the mere fact of me being unable to label what I am.

You laid your left hand on top of the back of my right, and looked at me. Slowly you slid yourself nearer, and faced me. I looked away, and this was the last time I fought what I felt.

Don't be ashamed.

I faced you and embraced you for the first time. I can feel your warmth flowing into my arms, as I was enclosed in your slender arms.

You ran your fingers through my hair as you kissed me in my forehead.

I love you.

Another trail of thoughts passed into my mind. I don't know how to do relationships. This is my first time in one. I am bad with girls. I haven't even tried asking one out.

You hugged me tighter than before, rubbing your left hand against the back of my head. All my vulnerabilities turned into murmurs, and all I can ever hear clearly are your comforting words.

It's fine. You're fine.

I finally replied: I love you too.

I angled for a kiss as if I was proud of going against the norms. But I was proud. I finally let my walls down, I'm finally with the girl who makes me valued, I'm finally free from my own judgment.

I finally am me, because you let me.

And I thank you for that.