THE OTHER SIDE / s. todoroki ✓

ten. the other side

HER WORDS REPLAY OVER AND OVER INSIDE YOUR MIND.

And you are shakily uncontrollably at her bedside, your trembling palms still encase hers, and it provokes a mixture of emotions within you to know her hands still feel familiarly warm. Why do they still feel alive even after death? Despite the tears that blur your vision, you look at her for one last time. Longing is written in your expression, from the tears eyes to the shaky lips. And god, you have the power. It's right there within you, lurking inside, and it yearns to explode and cause mayhem.

But she doesn't want it, you tell yourself. She doesn't want it.

"(First name)?"

Shoto says behind you, but you ignore him. He is standing in the doorway, and per usual, his expression is composed and calm. You lean forwards, and open your mouth to try and speak to her, as if she could still hear your pathetic pitiful voice, but nothing except sobs come out. Your vision is disoriented, smudged as if colours had blurred together, but still, your mum remains clear in the midst of the moment.

If you could describe death, in this very time and place, the essence of your heartbroken soul could do nothing to fathom the complexion of such a nature. You look at your mother, and you know she is dead. But her body is still next to you, but you wonder if her soul still lingers, if maybe it was tangible enough for you to feel it. Because as you hold her hands, the warmth of her palms provoking bile to rise in the back of your throat, it repulsed you how the dead felt so alive. You want to see her one more time.

Because her death has broken down all the walls built around yourself. And you cannot help but feel yourself trapped in the moment of living and dying. Because when she died, you felt a part of yourself leave too. If you slowly slid open her eyelids, would you be met with those autumnal browns? Why can't you see her alive for one more time?

You close your eyes, because now you cannot take it anymore. She looks like she is sleeping, a peaceful expression rests on her tired face, and her arms have already turned limp, her fingers loosely rest on your palm, lifeless.

For a moment, the sadness has engulfed you whole to the point where rational thoughts dissipate from your troubled mind, but then you hear the music playing from your phone. The song that she died to. It's still playing.

"Younger me thought this'd be more bittersweet. But we never noticed how long it'd been. Got too caught up in the life we were living."

Slowly, you lift your head, and shakily look one last time at her body. And then you look up at the white ceiling, as if you could see past it and into the azure blue sky, with it's alabaster clouds. She's in the other side now.

Shoto places a hand on your shoulder, recognising your grief and choosing to support you but also keep his distance. And instinctively, you turn and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. His body, the slouched shoulders, his spine and hands fill the void, and you cannot help but sniffle as you press your face against his shoulder, pushing your nose more into his soft jumper.

Slowly, he runs his fingers through your hair, his eyes linger on your mother, and he feels overwhelming loss and sympathy tugging at his normally unemotional heartstrings. He rests his head on top of your own, and embraces you as you weep in his arms, listening to the sound of your cracked voice. Even wobbly and hushed in whispers, your voice remains beautiful to him. And he doesn't feel any awkwardness, any feeling of not being supposed to be there. He feels your heart beating against his rib cage, and it's almost like he can hear it fracturing and breaking over and over again. But it only makes him love you more, and in an act of affection and care, he leads you to the sofa in the corner of the room and the two of you rest on it, stretched out together with your body on top of his.

And you are slowly starting to stop crying as you drift to sleep, your head pounding from the strain and your eyes puffy red. Meanwhile, he listens emotionally, feels his heart give out to you in unwavering support, and also hears the final few lines of the song playing in the background, also falling asleep eventually.

In the ten minutes between Nurse Akira arriving to find you and him curled up together, and your mother 'sleeping', it is just you two, and your mother, whom you know now watches you from above. And she wants you to start anew, to live your own life, a life that is not tethered to her and this place (which is really all you ever knew.)

She's in the other side now.

author's note: the end. this fic was poorly written in my opinion, i did shoto nasty :(