This relationship is medium-term and intimate. You first want to consider if moving in with them would be a smart choice. You want to determine how they’re likely to respond when you bring it up in conversation. Important factors that you’ll be considering are their body language, preferences, impulses, how they speak to you, and extensive. information about their personal life and past experiences.
In addition, their drive, points of concentration, and how they go about fulfilling their needs are vital points to consider. It can be helpful to consult friends and family to acquire more insight.
4.) Your relationship with your mother is a bit unstable. The relationship
between you two is long-term and intensely involved. Your goal is to
mend your relationship with her and try to figure out the origin of the
complications between you two. Things to consider are her body language,
preferences, impulses, the way she speaks to you, extensive information
about her personal life, her points of concentration, and how she fulfills
her needs. The most enigmatic factor that you need to determine is her
motivation.
In all of the above examples, the three main factors to be considered are the
extent of your relationship with that person, their motivation, and what information and insight you have about them as a person.
These three things will define how you can put the acquired information to use, which will be elaborated on later in the book.
A good way to put this into practice is to think of three people in your life that understanding them better would be advantageous. Consider the type of relationship that you have with each of these people, why you want to gain more insight about these specific relationships, and how these points will influence the information that you already have in order to properly analyze these people.
The Three Fundamental Factors of Practical
There are three main components of practical psychology that are enormously accommodating in regards to deciphering how people’s minds work.
1.) Fear is the most prevalent factor that holds us back, and is one of the most important emotions that we are capable of. Although it mostly has a negative connotation, fear has actually had an enormous evolutionary benefit; without it, humans would never have been able to arrive where we are today. If humans were fearless, we would never have protected ourselves from factors that could prove deadly, such as predators or natural disasters. Thanks to this evolution, however, fear is no longer a vital component that contributes to our continued existence. Nevertheless, it is still present and has been instinctually engrained into our minds, and can cause a wide range of emotions from slight trepidation to intense terror.
Understanding fear itself is a key component to understanding people. There are two main versions of fear that most commonly affect the world’s population today: the fear that we are inadequate, and the fear of
not being loved. These are fears that have been present since humans were
first around and that have evolved along with us. Back in primitive times,
there was the fear that we would not be quick enough to catch an animal to
provide for our families; this has now evolved into fearing that we will not
optimally perform at work, we will get fired, and likewise not be able to
support our families. Whereas earlier we would fear being shunned or
outcast from our village and left to fend for ourselves in the wilderness,
we now fear the people around us shutting us out and thus feeling rejected
and isolated. These fears may seem unreasonable, yet they are still present
and the majority of people struggle fighting and overcoming them.
However, while trying to fight or distance oneself from the fearful
situation is the common instinct, it is actually much more effective to just
roll with it. For example, imagine a man and a woman are ballroom dancing, with the man representing fear, the woman representing you, and the dance itself representing life, which must continue until the music ends. Until the end point, you must remain present and face-to-face with your fear, which is intended to lead and control the dance. The more you try to pull away or fight it, the more disorganized and unsmooth the dance will go. However, if you just follow the fear’s lead and cooperate with it to
reach the end of the dance in the smoothest way possible, you don’t exert
excess energy dragging it out and advancing the negativity, but calmly
approach the end with a more positive resolution. Usually, facing our fears
and working with them instead of fighting against them is the most
effective way to overcome them. Once this is achieved, we can really start
living our lives to their full potential.
2.) The significance and emotions that we connect with certain events greatly steers and decides the quality of our lives. There are three factors that define the values that we assign to specific events, the first being the physical impulses that are instigated by an event. These impulses can occur either deliberately or unintentionally, such as keeping our gaze downward or holding a bad posture. Low-energy physical actions link low-energy (negative) feelings to an event, which is immediately evident
to others around you.
The second factor is the verbal things that we say to ourselves, either out loud or in our heads. These can either be negative or positive things, like self-pitying remarks versus self-empowering ones. You can either tell yourself that there is no hope, or you can ask yourself how you can use what you learned to improve in the future. What you tell yourself about a certain event can either bring you farther down or help you develop.
The third factor that determines how we assign meaning to events is that of our focus and what elements that we emphasize in certain situations. If we concentrate on a negative point in a situation, that is where all of our energy goes and we thus correlate the situation with negativity. However, if we can pinpoint a positive element in the situation and focus on that, we can conversely channel our energy into associating the event with positivity. People experiencing depression and general unhappiness tend to constantly pick out the negatives in their lives and
focus on them, such as feelings of void, unsuccessfulness, and non-fulfillment, whereas more optimistic and generally more cheerful people focus on bright prospects or things that they are appreciative of. Keeping.these three factors in mind when analyzing others can help us achieve a more innate comprehension of how they see and react to situations and scenarios in their lives.
3.) There are six basic needs that humans possess, all of which determine
how we react to the world around us. Understanding these six
requirements is necessary in order to properly understand another person’s
views and behaviors. These needs will be further elaborated on later in this
book, but in the meantime, the list of human needs are certainty,
uncertainty, significance, connection/love, influence, and development.
Applying This Knowledge in Your Own Life
Define your fears and how they affect your behavior towards others, and also
how they have been withholding you from positive things in life. Do this also
with someone who you are close with. Consider what you think they fear the
most, and how this fear may have influenced their behavior, both in the past and in the present. Conversely, think about a scenario that you find yourself in
regularly that usually brings you feelings of happiness, satisfaction, amusement,
or any other positive emotion. Also bring to mind a scenario which generally
brings you feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, boredom, or other negative
emotions. Consider both of these scenarios and the three factors that define the significance you associate with these events:
Ask yourself what your body language and physical tendencies in these
situations are.
Ask yourself how your verbal expressions are altered, either to yourself or to others.
Realize what your focus points in these scenarios are. Is your mind racing, or are you having trouble thinking?
Are you concentrating on what is lacking in the situation or what is in front of you?
Learn Yourself to Learn About Others
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