75% Chocolate

Part II- Everyone Hates Flashbacks But Here We Are...

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Now it's the last day of grade 5. We all have our last class of the year and say goodbye to each other before getting our bags and leaving to start our summer vacation, knowing we'll be back in a few months to catch up with our friends.

Grade 6

I come in through the school doors and look forward to another year where I can do everything with my friends. Heck yeah. The school trips, recess, next year we all get to go to a different school together. I see Elliot and wave to him dramatically. He smiles in my direction and goes back to his conversation. Something's changed about him this year. He's gotten more confident I think. Maybe... but we'll see. We all walk into class and I see him watch Mia walk in and flush at the sight of her. Oh, wait did I mention that Mia transferred in grade 5? No? Ok now you know. I was pretty oblivious so I didn't really know that anything was going on.

I ended up as the teacher's assistant twice during that whole year and the class complained that I was being too good of a student. I just apologized before continuing to help my teacher.

~~~

It's around halfway through grade 6 again and I realized that my leftover feelings for Elliot have come up... again... It was at that exact moment that someone comes up to me and tells me that Elliot likes Mia and she likes him back. I stare at Elliot who's sitting like a desk away. 'This dude, why didn't he tell me? I could've helped man.' I think as I walk over to his desk. "Wow Elliot, why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you." I smiled evilly. "Don't worry I'll find a way...."

"Ok fine but don't tell anyone else."

"I swear most of the class already knows."

"Ah shoot."

I just give him a thumbs up and return to my desk.

~~~

One day Hannah comes up to me and asks who I like. I don't say anything. She jumps and exclaims that I like Kevin. I retaliate, "ew no, I would never like him!" Kevin looks over at me and acts like his heart's been shot. Elliot glances at me skeptically. Mia almost seems relieved. Our teacher ignores our strange antics.

~~~

We had a STEM competition and our teacher chose some 5 people to participate in it. Elliot, James, Lily, Thomas (from the other class) and I were chosen, and we worked pretty hard on our little project. We had to come up with a song that would play during our group intro. Elliot suggested something: "How about 'Hall of Fame'?" We agreed to it. It was his favourite song and I thought it really fit someone like him. He wanted to become a soccer player so it seemed fitting. We won first that day. I couldn't stop smiling when I got on stage. We even had our pictures taken and that was the first time I felt so accomplished.

~~~

My feelings really grew that second half of the year and I desperately tried to hide it. We were assigned an art project. Get into pairs and draw a portrait of each other. Everyone in class screamed at Mia and Elliot to be partners and of course I joined in with them. Their faces were red and I felt kinda accomplished because of that. My teacher still didn't bother to say anything...

Nearing the end of the school year, Elliot and I became really close and he would continue to tease me about Kevin for some reason. He would lightly throw things at me and tell jokes. We would hang out during recess in class cuz we didn't want to go outside. After some free time at the school library, he would always leave early and I would go with him to chat about stuff. We would laugh at anything and everything. Both of us weren't very physically affectionate, like some other friend groups, and were completely fine with that. I enjoyed his company as a friend but I was pretty much lying to him at that point. I tried.

~~~

Our graduation ceremony came along and I finally wore a dress for the first time. Everyone else looked really nice but I decided to wear something really plain and simple. I was eating cake when Elliot came up and said that they wanted to take a picture for the STEM team. But hey excuse me, I was stuffing my face with cake so I told him to wait a bit and I'll be there. We made small talk and went to take the photo. I later found that my mom had taken a picture of that moment but I decided not to delete it since I had a feeling I'd regret that choice in the future. I saw Elliot talk to Mia, and I somehow felt... disappointed. It wasn't the type of disappointment you get when you're jealous. It was different and I still can't pinpoint the exact words for it.

Next was the last day of school and everyone was just heartbroken. We wouldn't be able to see some of our friends ever again. From there on, Elliot and I... our friendship changed a lot.

It's too late now isn't it?

Bonus:

I went to China that summer to see my grandparents... and since it was summer, it was right smack dab in the middle of typhoon season. The city was right by the ocean so we were hit pretty strong with the wind and rain but anything was better than the heat. Over those two months, I messaged Elliot once or twice over Skype but probably should've done it more. I put up a skype status (is that what they're called?) saying "oh no the typhoons are coming." and forgot about that for a long time. I enjoyed the rest of my trip. I think my favourites parts were the food, karaoke and I can't forget the constant risk of heatstroke. I came back from my trip and noticed Elliot had sent a message on hangouts.

Elliot: Lol there's no typhoons

Me: That was in China idiot

~Seen~

He doesn't reply back and I start panicking. Shoot, did that come off as too harsh? I message again apologizing, saying that I didn't mean for it to sound harsh. He replies with a short, "it's ok." I left him alone a bit, having a feeling that he probably didn't want to talk anymore.

To this day, I still don't know why he just let our friendship die 'cuz of that one conversation but one thing's pretty clear-- I really fucked up.