Wings of Butterflies

6. The Terror of Knowing

     As the thoughts of her occupied my brain and drenched out the music, I smiled. I knew that I was in way too deep with this girl but I couldn‘t help myself. There was just something about her that I couldn‘t put my finger on. She was unpredictable, fearless and absolutely gorgeous. A lethal combination. Since she was also reserved by nature, it wasn’t easy to figure out what she was thinking or feeling. This was a part of her charm, since spending time together never got dreary but at the same time it made me afraid. Would I ever really understand her completely? I was at this time already back in my dorm when my thoughts got interrupted by a knock on the door and my eyes now wandered to the clock. It was barely 6:15. Who could be looking for me at this hour? When I opened the door and saw who it was, my heart started pounding like I never had stopped running.

     “Gabrielle, you’re here!” I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. If I was going to get her to stay, I knew that I couldn’t pressure her. “I mean, after yesterday I thought.. Maybe you need some time to yourself?”

     “Time alone is the last thing I want now.”

     She smiled and I noticed something different about her. It looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and her green eyes almost sparkled of joy. But behind the gladness, I saw something else.

     “What I need is to talk to you.”

     I stepped away from the door to let her in and truly realized how happy I was to see her again.

      “Sure.”

     I sat down on the bed but she was still standing in the middle of the room.

     “I also need you to keep a very open mind about what I am about to tell you. And it is extremely crucial that you do not interrupt me.”

     I nodded and started to wonder what she was so keen on talking about. Most of the time, it was always I who took the initiative to speak.

     “Is this about last night? Because if so, I would like to talk to you first.”

     Since she had freaked out the other night, I felt like I needed to tell her that there was no pressure from my side.

     “A part of it is about yesterday, but I need to speak first. Please.”

     I nodded once again and decided to stay quiet. A few seconds went by and then she started to talk.

     “I have not been truthful with you. With my motives about starting dating you and a lot of other things.”

     I began to feel the cold spread throughout my body.

     “But before I say something more, I have to tell you how much I care for you. Or else I would not be here, but on the other side of the world.”

     If she had not mentioned the lies first, I would probably have been thrilled that she finally had shown some of her real feelings. Now, I was only waiting with dread for the truth to come out.

     “To make you understand everything, I guess I have to start at the beginning. I had turned twenty-one two months earlier and me and my sister..”

“Marc, say something.”

     I heard her voice loud and clear, but I had no power to give a response. Everything that she had just told me made my brain stop working. Several minutes went by and all I was able to do was to sit frozen on the right side of my bed. I flinched when I suddenly felt her hand on mine. It was like this move had woke me up, because it made me get up on my feet and finally speak.