Last of the American Girls

Last of the American Girls Part 5

5.

The realization that Claire wanted to give the baby up for adoption stung me. I didn’t like the fact that our child wouldn’t know who we were. To give up something so precious. But it wasn’t my decision to make and Claire and I were far too young to be having a child. I still couldn’t believe we were as careless.

Though we couldn’t turn back time, regret wouldn’t help us now. Especially with telling our parents. I know it would be hard on Claire, since I hadn’t formally met her parents. They’d want to kill me and I wouldn’t blame them.

It’s been a week since Claire told me her news and I hadn’t seen her yet. She was traveling to Spain that week with her parents and was coming home soon. I really hope she enjoyed her trip because she had been under a lot of stress. It killed me inside to think about what she’s going through.

I missed her so much and I couldn’t wait to see her today. She had gotten back last night. I eagerly drove to her home and saw that she was standing outside, waiting for me. She was beautiful as ever. Her eyes bright with anticipation. Maybe she was eager to see me as well. I hope she was.

Claire hoped in my truck and hugged me tightly. “I’ve missed you.” she says and kisses me on the cheek. “I’ve missed you too. How was spain.” I say, diving to the nearest bistro. “It was amazing. Though I wish you were there.” She said. “I wish I was there too. How are you feeling?” I ask, looking at her tummy no signs of a baby in there yet. “Oddly enough, I feel fine. I haven’t experienced any morning sickness.” She says. “Maybe it’s too early.” I continue driving. “Maybe. I hadn’t told my parents yet.” She said. I glance at her. “When do you want to tell them?” I grip the steering wheel, I was nervous with the outcome. “When I have an actual baby bump.” She says. It’s obvious she wants to enjoy the free time she can. “I see. I will be there with you every step of the way.” I say and take her hand. She just squeezes mine.

“So I’ve scheduled a doctor’s appointment for next Saturday.” Claire says as she eats her sub sandwich. I stare at her. “that soon?” I say. “Yes to see if we have a healthy baby.” She said, taking a drink of her water. “oh sorry I just don’t know about any of this.” I said and continued eating. “It’s alright we’ll get through this.” She smiles reassuringly.

I continue eating in silence. It seems like Claire has been dealing with the pregnancy better now. I guess she accepted it. I still couldn’t believe it. I don’t think I could until I actually witness her giving birth. The thought frightened me. I quickly push it away.

Claire and I have been together every minute of every day. Enjoying what we had left of happiness and freedom. Once we told our parents, destruction and misery would come. Destruction. It was my name. Abbadon. Though I hadn’t known why my mother given me that name and what it meant to her. Maybe I was a destruction to her life. She did have me when she was young. She was in the same dilemma as Claire and I. Though I never asked her why. I just assumed she liked the name. But now it makes me wonder, maybe ill ask her later.

I dropped Claire home and went home myself. My parents were asleep when I got home so I went to my room and pulled out an unused sketch pad. I sat at my bed and began to draw. I drew Claire. I hadn’t drawn her in a while. I drew her smiling, joy in her eyes. Hopefully one day I could show all my drawings to my kid. It would be nice to share it. My heart ached at the thought of adoption. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want my child to wonder and think we didn’t want him or her. Maybe I could tell Claire, though she knows we can’t raise a child. My job at Music Macs wasn’t going to support us.

I frowned. It was for the best. We couldn’t take care of a baby, let alone ourselves. The image of my mother and father appeared. They had gotten through it. Maybe there was still hope that we could make it too.

§§§§

Claire and I waited in the waiting room to see the doctor. I could tell she was nervous and I was too. She bit her bottom lip. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. She gave me a smile and kissed her cheek. I was so glad I had Claire. She kept me happy and at peace.

Finally the nurse comes out and calls our name. I stand up, still holding Claire’s hand. We walk down a long hallway, till finally the nurse leads us into a cramped room. “We’re going to check your vital signs alright” The nurse smiles and starts to take Claire’s blood pressure. “How have you been feeling lately?” she asks Claire. “Fine actually.” Claire says in a soft voice. She was shy and nervous. She didn’t like to talk to strangers. “I see, any morning sickness? Nausea?” The nurse has a clipboard, writing down Claire’s results. “Nope.” The nurse nods and writes. “I see, I’m gonna need you to lift your shirt a little, we’ll listen to the baby’s heart beat.” The nurse says and takes the stethoscope off her neck and places the ear pieces in her ear. I watch the nurse as she places the stethoscope on claire’s tummy. Claire shivers as it touches her. The nurse frowns. “Are you sure you’re pregnant?” the nurse says. I frown. Why would she ask such a strange question? “Yes. I’ve taken multiple tests and they came out positive.” Claire said with concern. “I see. I don’t think baby made it.” The nurse frowns. “What do you mean?” I say. I was confused. “I’m saying she got a miscarriage.” The nurse says, her tone sad. “How is that possible?” Claire says. “It could be that your body can’t host a baby. There are multiple things that could prevent you from having a child.” The nurse stands and leans against the counter. “I see.” Claire said. I knew this destroyed her. Even though the pregnancy was unexpected, it saddened her that the baby died and maybe in the future, she wouldn’t be able to have a child. I was just as sad as her. I walked over to her and gave her a hug. She wrapped her arms around me.

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