A Gap To Be Bridged

"Goodness, hija, why are you doing these? Ano naimpluwensiyahan ka ng bulakbol mong barkada o nag-iinarte ka lang?" Mataray na singit ng tita Elsa niya na agad ininom ang tubig na malapit sa kan'ya.

Lalo siyang nahirapan sa pag-iisip dahil sa sinabi ng Tita Elsa niya, hindi pa siya nakaka-upo nito tapos ganito na ang salubong nila sa kan'ya.

'Di niya magawang tumingin nang diretso sa mga mata ng kan'yang magulang at mga tiyahin.

Ngumiti na lang siya nang malumanay.

"I don't want to disrespect you all but I have to leave—m-magpapahangin lang po ako. Now, if you'll excuse me" paalam niya sabay alis sa harapan nilang lahat.

"I can't believe na may kapatid akong tumigil ng college. She's such a disgrace to this family" Rinig niyang pahabol na sinabi ng kanyang ate habang 'di pa siya nakakalayo.

"Nakakatawa na hindi nila ako maintindihan, sabagay kahit ako hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit ako ganito." Bulong niya sa kaniyang sarili

"Nakakasawang mabuhay kung ganito lang din naman palagi. Titignan ka nilang parang napakawalang kwenta mo, laging sila ate ang the best para 'kila Mommy, paano naman ako? Saan ako lulugar?" Wala sa sarili niyang sambit.

She went to the balcony ready to take her life away. She was about to jump but she heard a voice behind her.

Lumingon siya,

She saw her cousin, Grazel, standing there.

"Don't" Grazel said immediately noong nakitang nakatingin lang si Noreen sa kaniya. "Stop whatever you are planning. You can share your problems with me. I'll listen." dugtong pa niya

"Why would I tell my problems to you? You're just going to judge me. It's better to leave quietly, wala namang may pake." Mapaklang tugon ni Noreen sa pinsan niyang babae.

"I won't. I promise."

She was hesitant at first but when she saw the sincerity in her cousin's eyes—something she haven't seen for years—she gave in.

So Noreen told her problems to her cousin.

She told her every details of her story, even the smallest ones. She never skipped an information, not even the worst and the most embarassing ones. She can't stop herself from crying while telling her everything—every word was filled with pain, every phrases served as a stab on her gut—bawat pangungusap ay tila ba isang bangungot na karanasan—karanasan na gusto na niyang kalimutan. Every conversations she had with her family, she included. Noreen shared how humiliated she was when they laughed at her, how little she felt when they berated her. Kasabay ng pagpatak ng luha sa mata niya ang pagbuhos ng hinanakit na tinago niya sa kaniyang puso.

After she's done spilling her emotions, Grazel who was smiling empathetically left her with a meaningful advice—

"The best advice that I could tell you is to pray—have faith in him and yourself that you can overcome this. Suicide may be the only thing that you can think right now but it will only provide you with temporary solution to your problems—after doing it, what will happen? 'Di naman natapos ng pagsu-suicide ang problema mo... I advise you to seek professional help. You can overcome this, I believe that you will. " She whole-heartedly said.

"It is not a matter of who got it worse—your problem is still a problem, no matter how insignificant it is. If you feel sad and pained—even if it is a degree lower than those what others felt—your feelings and emotions are still valid. Don't lose hope, Noreen. You'll make it through." Grazel added.

"Remember, walang binigay si God na problema na 'di natin kayang lampasan. Keep fighting! Cheer up! Better days are coming." 'yan ang huling kataga na lumabas mula kay Grazel, she patted her cousin's shoulders before leaving her—giving her a time for contemplation.

Dahil sa narinig mula sa kaniyang pinsan ay natauhan siya. A sudden wave of realization comes to her mind, Grazel was right. This is one of the challenges that she must surpass in her life. Hindi siya pwedeng pangunahan ng emosyon. Hindi siya pwedeng magpadala sa ganitong sitwasyon at gawin ang bagay na hindi tama.

She stayed on the balcony for almost an hour bago niya naisipang bumalik sa hapag-kainan. Habang naglalakad pabalik ay nagpapagpag siya ng damit, nagpunas ng pawis, mata, at inalis ang bakas ng luha mula sa kaniyang pisngi. 'We must be strong for situations like this, overthinking won't help us escape from this reality.' she thought.

Pagbalik niya sa dining area ay nakatingin silang lahat sa kaniya—sadness was evident on their eyes and she was stunned by their reaction. Then her gaze fell on Grazel and saw how she smiled at her.

Lalo siyang 'di nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan noong biglang tumayo ang Ate Yannie niya at niyakap siya. She's crying. "Noreen, I'm sorry", bulong niya sa kapatid kaya lalong naestatwa ang dalaga at nanlabo ang kaniyang mga mata mula sa luha. "Noreen, I deeply wanted to say sorry to you, sa lahat, sa lahat-lahat. I'm sorry" at nagpatuloy ang kaniyang ate sa pag-iyak.

Hindi niya maintindihan kung ano ang nangyayari hanggang sa may panibagong bisig ang yumakap sa kaniya. This seems like a group hug. "Anak, patawarin mo kami. Kung sana mas inisip ka namin kesa sa pangalan ng pamilya natin" naramdaman niya ang lungkot sa boses ng mama niya.

"Noreen, you're indeed a strong woman. You're definitely my princess" saad ni papa at hinalikan ako siya sa noo.

Ilang minuto pa ay humiwalay na sila sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya. "H-how c-come? " yan lang ang lumabas mula sa bibig niya. She's too stunned by the turn of events.

"Grazel told us everything, every detail. She enlightened everyone, she enlightened our minds" at niyakap siya muli ng kaniyang ina.

Even her other relatives, they all apologized to her.

Lumapit siya kay Grazel and whispered to her cousin's ear her gratitude then hugged her tight.

"Walang problema ang makakatalo sa pamilyang mas matatag pa sa puno ng Narra. Naisip ko na it's better to tell them since wala kang lakas na sabihin. I'm so glad na okay na ang lahat." bulong ni Grazel at mas lalo pang hinigpitan ang yakap ni Noreen dito.

After that day her mother brought her to a professional doctor to cure her depression, she resumed her studies, home school nga lang para makaiwas muna siya sa problema ng reyalidad hangga't hindi pa natatapos ang treatment niya with her psychiatrist.

It is indeed the darkest before the dawn,

And for the first time in several years, Noreen can finally see the glimpse of light hiding behind the gloomy skies of her life—

A rebirth of hope.

A new chapter of her life is about to start—and this time, she knew that everything is going to be alright.