Poetry And Fuel

COLLIDE

You step outside from all the noise along side Van. All the fumes inside where getting to your head they were just too much. You were at the well known 'Hurricane' it was the roughest club in Manchester and everyone knew it, that's why it was always jam packed on a Friday night as they could all get away with smoking all sorts of drugs in there as 9 times out of 10 the security were off their faces as well. You were there with Larry and Van and your mate Kate, and you were all stoned as well as everyone else in the club, to the point your minds were over taken by all these vision tricks of colours and weird shit but you were still just about grounded enough to make wise(ish) decisions.

You Van and Larry were best mates and had been living together for years. It was only recently that you and Van had began sleeping together probably near on a couple of months. But it was almost for a bit of comfort really you were still best mates that didn't change, nothing more, nothing less no strings attached, well so you thought.

You didn't stand together when you were having a smoke in fact it just so happened that the lad who had been catching your eye all night had stepped outside too so you made your way over there to try and see what he was all about.

He was dead funny, and gorgeous as well. He said his name was Dan and before you knew it you were kissing like a couple of teenagers behind the bike sheds at school, you didn't plan for it to happen (although you kind of wished it was going to) you just got so lost in his beautiful brown eyes and couldn't resist, to be honest you forgot all about Van.  After all in the first couple of weeks of you sleeping together he was seeing other girls so what was the harm in this?

When you and Dan broke the kiss to allow yourselves to breathe, you looked around and noticed Van wasn't there anymore.

You wasn't what people would call a 'slag' as you wouldn't normally kiss someone that quickly or easily but the drugs was obviously starting to have more of an affect and almost began to control you.

Before you could wonder anymore where Van had gotten to he came storming out, pace faster than usual with Larry following behind.
"Fuck you Y/N are you fucking insane?" Van shouted, the venom in his voice hurt.

"What were you thinking?" Larry piped up a little quieter than Van.

Dan was looking from Van, to you, to Larry and back at you, obviously very confused and thinking he had just put his foot in a situation he shouldn't had, he slipped away back into the club which was probably for the best.

"What are you on about Van? I don't get it." You were just as confused as Dan was wondering where the hell this sudden burst of anger had come from.
"You don't get it? You don't fucking get it?" He scoffs and laughs with a thick layer of sarcasm in his voice.
"I dunno what's worse the fact you were eating that random gezeer's face off right in fucking front of me or the fact you don't know what you've done wrong." He shouts and laughs again, this time turning around and walking away.
"Van don't walk away, we're meant to be adults...Mature and all that but at the minute you're acting like a 12 year old who can't handle their drink." The anger in your voice came accross maybe a bit more harsh than intended and didn't get the desired reaction from Van who swiftly turned around on his heels.
"You want to talk about maturity right now Y/N? You have no leg to stand on. Now fuck off back in there and leave me to find a better way outta here that's not with you clinging onto my arm." He was really angry, you just didn't get it, the fact he told you to 'fuck off' hurt, it's not like it was the first time you heard him said it, but normally it was being directed at someone else or as a joke when you were being a tease in the bedroom.

You just didn't understand what you had done wrong, you weren't in a relationship, far from it in fact you were just having fun. As far as you were aware you were someone that would help Van pass the time until he was next on tour as well as some comfort for eachother.

You were left in the cold and you saw Van and Larry clamber into a taxi, you rang Kate who said she had left a little while ago with some lad, so you didn't bother telling her what had happened you didn't want to ruin her night.

The thing that made issues a little more awkward was the fact you were living with Van and Larry, you had been for a while, way before you and Van began to sleep with each other that was something that came after and it just happened one night and seemed to be a re-occurring thing.

You had no where else to stay, your family lived hours away so the only place was back to the cottage you shared with them two. God knows what would happen when you walked through that door. Like Van and Larry you clambered into the back of the taxi and slurred your address to the driver, the alcohol and the masses of weed now taking full affect.

You reached your house, paid the driver and decided to text Larry that you were outside rather than knock, you wanted to create as little fuss and noise as possible as hopefully Van had gone to bed so it meant to wouldn't have to argue with him anymore tonight.

To Larry: Laz I'm outside can u let me in please x

You didn't even need to wait two minutes and Larry was already opening the door, you were shivering it was freezing and Larry gave you a hug as you fell into the doorway. He was Vans best mate but he was also yours so he'd always find common ground during arguments with you two, despite this one being a lot more heated then any other Larry was still there for you and you loved him for that.

"Laz I just don't get why he's mad. If it's over that guy it doesn't make sense, we agreed at the beginning of all this we were just friends no matter what-" you whispered but got cut short as the tears began to fall, you hated arguing with Van it very rarely happened and would normally just take an hour or so and you'd both be over it, but this argument was different it was spiteful and you could tell it wasn't going to be fixed over night.

"I think you should of thought it through better Y/N, I don't see how you were so blind to Vans feelings, it's obvious he's head over heels for you the whole band can even see it and they're the most oblivious lads you'll ever meet." Larry let on while looking at the floor, he obviously wasn't meant to tell you that about Van, it made you cry even more, feelings was something you didn't even consider when you started sleeping with him you kept a barrier up for that exact reason as you were the one to catch feelings way to fast
"Wh- what? Where is he?" You asked still sobbing you mascara and started to leak into your eyes making them sting like mad.

"He's in bed. You've got a lot of explaining to do Y/N. I love ya and I always will but you've hurt me other best mate and you know I'd be sticking up for you if it was the other way round but he's a mess, I've not seen him like this since. Well since I can remember." the fact Larry was even upset with you made you realise just how bad you had fucked up. You got up and began to make your way upstairs to go and talk to Van.

"Y/N don't! Neither of you are in the right frame of mind to talk to each other right now wait til' the morning when ya both sober, you two are stubborn at the best of times let alone when you've had a bit to drink." Larry continued. He was right, you both needed to be sober to talk this through. Although putting it off until the morning meant you were going to be up all night worrying about it all, it was a wise decision.
"Thanks Laz, I'm sorry... I fucked up. I just- I honestly had no idea, you know I wouldn't set out to intentionally hurt no one. Especially not Van." You cry sitting on the stairs, Larry came to sit next to you and you rested your head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around your arm.
"We all make mistakes Y/N, we'll sort it in the morning." His words seemed to put you at ease a little bit, he really was the best mate you could ever have wished for, he helped you up into bed as you were too drunk and overcome with emotions to do so yourself.

He left your room and you let out a massive sob into your pillow, you were so annoyed at yourself for not realising the fact that the boy you could spend the rest of your life with was really standing right in front of you this whole time and you could've just fucked that all up in one night with one stupid kiss with someone who meant nothing at all to you...

To be continued...
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(I wrote this at 1am so please excuse it if it's a bit sloppy but I needed to publish something and I've just seemed to go mind blank during the day so this will start us off and they will get better. I promise ya's)
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