What It Could Have Been

Chapter One

|QUINN|

To be completely honest, I don't even know how it happened. One second I was in such pain that I thought it would never end, then the next a nurse put a baby into my arms.

Everything changed in that moment.

She was real baby, I could touch her, feel her breathe, she could move her arms, legs, and head.

I had tried so hard to detach myself from her, thinking that it would be easier. But who was I kidding?

This squirmy, little person was mine, I was half of her genetic makeup. The other half looked over us with an expression of shock, yet relief. God only knew exactly what Puck was thinking at that moment, but I had a feeling we were on similar wavelengths.

"I can go tell everyone the news." Mercedes offered, after taking a long look at the baby in my arms.

I nodded my head, "Thank you."

My mother was strangely quiet, probably coming to terms with the fact that her baby had just had a baby—she was a grandmother.

She bent down to hug me, whispering in my ear, "I'm proud of you Quinny."

"I'll give you two some time to talk things over." my mom says after she straightens back up, looking between Puck and I, walking out of the room.

We sat in a strangely comfortable silence. Both Puck and I held a gentle, yet protective grasp of the baby girl.

She truly was perfect.

It amazed me how I couldn't look away from her, it was nearly impossible to think that I had to make a decision.

Puck moved a chair closer to the bed, so that he could more comfortably be holding on to the baby.

It was like this for a few minutes,—maybe longer than it felt, I was so entranced, that the time seeming flew—just the three of us, a little family, until a nurse—Martha, the one with the red hair—walked in.

"Hi," the nurse started, garnering the attention of Puck and I, "we have to run a few tests on the baby. It won't take to long, maybe half an hour, then she'll be moved the nursery. It will be up to you what to do from there."

My heart dropped, as I questioned if something were wrong with my baby.

"Tests? Is she ok?" Puck was quick to respond, already showing signs of how protective he was over the child that we had created together.

"Yes she's perfectly fine, from what we can tell. This is simply standard procedure." Nurse Martha calmed Puck's vocal concerns and unknowingly my silent ones.

Said nurse walked over to the bed and gestured for me to put the baby in her arms. I struggled with relinquishing my hold on her, even if it would be only for a little while. It was bad enough that I wasn't sure if that would be one of the only opportunities I would get to hold her.

Putting my jumbled up thoughts aside, I handed her to Nurse Martha, albeit reluctantly.

"Maybe you two should rest, it's been a long day." the nurse suggested as she put the newborn into the bassinet and wheeled her out of the room.

I hadn't thought that I was tired, but the second I allowed my body to relax on the uncomfortable hospital bed, my eyes closed with exhaustion. The last thing I can recall from then was Puck grasping on to my hand.

===

When I woke up, Puck was hunched over the bed, still firmly holding onto my hand. I had no clue how he found that position comfortable, but nonetheless he was securely off in a dream land. He seemed so relaxed,his face no longer tensed with fear and nervousness.

I soon came to the realization that there was a reason I had woken up, as my body began to feel achy and uncomfortable. I stretched my arm back and pressed the button on the wall that would call a nurse into my room.

One or two minutes later, a nurse with light brown hair—I hadn't seen her before, so I didn't know her name—came into the room.

"Did you need something Ms.Fabray?" she whispered, realizing that puck was asleep.

"Is there anything you can give me for pain?" I inquired, trying my best not to grunt in discomfort.

The nurse walked over to the end of my bed and pulled out my chart. She looked over it for a few seconds, before taking out her pen and writing something down in it and putting it back to where she had found it.

"I'll be right back with a dose of ibuprofen and that should alleviate some of the pain." the nurse said, before leaving the room once again.

===

"She looks like you," Puck said.

We were standing at the window for the hospital's nursery looking down at the baby girl whom was only a few hours old.

I absentmindedly nodded because I was too busy weighing the pros and cons of each and everyone of my options.

Was I willing to let her go?

Did I trust a stranger to take care of the most precious thing in my life?

Was I too young? I would have a support system though.

I could tell just by looking at Puck how much he already loved that baby, he would be there.

Was I willing to see him so often and not have him?

"Do you want to keep her?" he asked, keeping his word that he would support any decision that I'd make. Puck was in a trance, just watching our girl sleep.

I took a deep breathe before answering, "If we do, she comes first no matter what. If she sick, that means no parties. If she cries all night long, we still get up and go to school the next day. It would be hard, but maybe, just maybe we could do it."

Puck looked at me in disbelief, then smiled—it was genuine, it had been so long since I had seen one of those from him.

"Did you love me?" I posed on a whim.

Puck was once again looking at our baby.

"Yes," he answered without hesitation, "especially now."

I shifted my gaze to him and smiled, as he looked up from the bundle and turned his head towards me mirroring my expression, before blushing and looking away.

It was cute and innocent.

Thus, this was the first time those words were ever used to describe Noah Puckerman.