taste // billie eilish

nine

"not always though, some have came from past experiences i've dealt with, some experiences other people have dealt with, but majority come from dreams. also some of my songs are completely written by my brother, some completely written by me, or they are 50/50" she answers. "and to answer your seconded question my last name is o'connell. eilish is my middle name but i liked the sound of it better so i have it as that"

"now done talking about me, tell me about yourself baby"

"baby now huh?" i ask making fun of her a little.

"force of habit. i call all my fans baby" she replies defensively.

"remember, i'm not your fan" i say as a small grin grows on her face.

"and about me, literally nothing. like i'm the most average person i swear"

"stop lying, i know you are hiding something, tell me about school or something like where you are going to college"

the word hiding triggered me a little and caused me instantly to think of my dads use. but i shake it off and continue to answer her question.

"school, uh. i'm your average student not like crazy smart but not stupid either. college isn't a issue, luckily i'm really fortunate to have enough money that will last me a life time. it's my kids that have to worry. oh and i danced my freshmen and sohpmore year before they kicked me off the team for seeing a video of me drinking and i remeber being so sad about it but now i just look back and laugh at it" i say smiling thinking of my old high school memories.

"i used to dance too before i got injured and than i started to take singing more seriously, but go on, tell me about your friends" billie says never taking her eyes off mine like she seemed genuinely interested in what i had to say to her.

"uh, i don't really have like a close group of friends or a friend, i kind of just fuck with everyone" i say thinking about my last real friendship i actually had. "i don't let people real close to me" i say not even really meaning to say it. "in fact i don't even remember the last time i had a sleepover" i say in all honesty knowing it made me sound week.

"really? why don't you let people close to you?" billie asks in a soft tone that made me feel safe.

as safe as she made me feel i didn't want to answer or talk about it so i just shrug and i think she understands when she changes the subject.

we talk for awhile just about random shit. i became so much more comfortable around her. i don't really know what it was but she made it easy.

"people like you i wouldn't really think i could be friends with, preppy rich white girl, but your different" she adds.

"i'll take it. thanks" i smile.

"when was your last serious relationship?" billie than asks changing the tone of the room.

"uhh, this girl sophomore year. we had a thing for awhile and then dated for a month and she told me she loved me, it just scared me for some reason and i didn't feel like i loved her back, i told her this and it just kinda ended naturally" i said thinking about avery. "shit a lot of my high school trauma was from sophmore year" i say laughing a little.

"i've never been in love" i than say to break the silence. "plus, fucking around is fun. you get the pleasure from the sex without the responsibility of having to text them or worry what they are doing"