You Make Me Strong

Ashton at the Stylin's

Ash:

I called Louis, asking if I could come over. Everyone else was asleep and I didn't want to wake them up. I knew Louis' family would be up on a Saturday night though. Right now it was about 11:45 pm and I couldn't sleep. I was asleep, but I woke up an hour ago because insomnia is oh so very fun. Louis said it was fine with his parents and that Liam was in his room doing something, so he didn't know I was coming.

When I got there, Niall answered the door. "Hi Ashton. It's been a while."

"Uh. Yeah I've been busy."

"Which is perfectly fine. Lou is upstairs in his room."

"Ok. Thanks Niall."

"You're welcome, but before you go up there, say hi to Harry. I think he might like it."

"Ok, where is he?"

"In the kitchen."

I go in the kitchen and Harry turns to me. "Hey Ashton. How have you been?"

"I've been good."

"That's great."

I nodded. "Uh. I'm gonna head up to Lou's room."

"Ok. Don't do anything weird up there." He winked.

"Ew no."

"It was a joke. Calm down."

"Ok Harry, whatever you say."

Lou:

There was a knock on the door and Ashton walked in. Boy did he look tired. I knew he had insomnia and how it affects him, but tonight his facial expression was different.

"How have you been, Ash?"

He shrugged. "Sleepy."

I smiled, shaking my head. "Come here."

He walked over to my bed and stood there.

"Sit," I told him, pointing to my bed. He sat down. I hugged him, pulling him to my chest.

"What're ya doing there Lou?"

"Snuggles," is all I tell him before pulling him back to where we are laying down.

He laughed at my actions. I missed his laugh. Not his fake ones he usually uses now. I mean his real one. It has been a while since I heard it.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head and turned to face me, still in my arms. "I like when you give snuggles."

He put his head on my chest. I held him closer. After a moment, I asked, "What's on your mind?"

I felt him shrug. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

Without moving from how we were snuggling, he said told me, "About my life."

I pulled him out of the snuggle and held his shoulders. "What do you mean by that?"

Silence. Then, after waiting a little, my answer was, "I don't really like my life."

"I'm always here to talk."

He nodded. "I know," he whispered.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

He shrugged and then took a deep breath. "Do you remember when you asked why I never show people my house?"

I nod.

"The reason is because of my dad." He hesitated to look for a reaction. "My mum died when I was at a young age, and my dad started acting differently. Beating me, calling me 'fag' or 'worthless'. I became distant after that. Soon, I got depression. Depression wasn't just depression after I was 12. It was depression, social anxiety, anorexia, and insomnia."

He stopped again, then started. "Ever since I was 12, I had a bully who was no better than my dad. When I got beat really bad I wouldn't show up at school. I started to cover up with long sleeves and lies." Towards the end he got quiet. He ended with, "Why me?"

I pulled him to me chest again. He clung to me, little sniffles coming from him. "Shh. It's ok Ash. I'm here for you."

Ash:

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his chest.

"Shh. Don't be sorry."

It felt nice to be in his warm hug. I was holding him because it felt nice and I didn't want it to go away.

"I know this might be hard to answer, but can you tell me when the last time you cut was?"

I shrug.

"Please."

"A few days ago," I whisper.

I pulled out of the hug for a second to pull up my sleeve. There was silence and I couldn't look at him. He tried to hug me again, but I pushed away and pulled my sleeves down.

"Ash, hey it's ok."

But I ignored him and walked over to a corner of the room. Sitting down, I balled up. I saw him walk up to me. He sat down and wouldn't let go when I tried to get out of his arms. After a few minutes of trying to get his arms off me, I gave up. He grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve.

Lou:

I pulled up Ashton's sleeve and he pulled his arm back. Then I gently pulled Ashton's arm back to me. After there was no movement from my friend, I rubbed the cuts. He flinched.

"I'll be right back."

When I came back, I had some rubbing alcohol to clean the cuts. While I was cleaning the cuts, Ashton rested his head on my shoulder.  After I was done, I asked if he wanted to go to sleep for the rest of the night. He nodded.

"Ok. Hang on for a second."

I went to bring the rubbing alcohol back in the bathroom. Ash was still sitting in the corner when I came back in the room. He was sleeping.So I walked over there and picked him up bridal style.

"Alright Ash." I walked over to my bed and layed him down gently.

I got on the bed and covered us up. As soon as I did, Ashton snuggled up to me.

"Can I get comfy and turn off the light?"

"Mmph nxdwqlxm."

"A normal person can't understand that."

"No I want snuggles."

"After I turn off the light."

He held me tighter. "No."

"Please. Then we'll snuggle."

He let go of me. "Mmph."

I turned off the light, then Ash instantly cuddled against me. We fell asleep quickly in that position.