Flames in the shadow

Marinette

  Hello, everybody, My name is Cerusceral. I would like to thank you for reading this enjoy :). Opp's almost forgot. The plot belongs to me. The characters belong to DC superheroes and the creator of miraculous.

My hands are numb from the cold from the wind as the fight comes to an end. My fingers are stiff as I throw my trusty yo-yo to catch the corrupted moth of destruction created by Hawkmoth. It opens with raw pink-tinted energy and turns into pure light as I release the butterfly. I don't know how to explain it but the sight of the transformation warms me up and gives me hope for the future. I find myself telling it goodbye and wishing it luck in its life. I yell with all my might miraculous ladybug to activate the magic which heals the troubling evil which Hawkmoth incurred. Catnoior gives me a sad smile and says "the people of France are safe once again".

It's these moments that make me stop and think about my life. Few people know that it's my kwami Tiki powers that save the infected spirits so they can be purified. Since the race of Kwamis is a secret to society that can't be trusted by normal people ladybug and Cat Noir gets the credit. I wish things could be different, but it's not. The rules are in place for a reason and I won't challenge them just to make life easier. History has shown there is wisdom in this choice but deep down I know we don't deserve the praise given and it makes me sick inside.  It gives people the wrong idea about us as people and it feels wrong like were tricking them. We protect, yes, but were not the god-like people they think we are. 

Questions fill my mind. Would the people still love me without Tikis help? Would my moral compass be as strong as it is without constant help? Would Adrian and I had a chance at true love? I already know the answer and I think that's what really gets me down. It's ok to get guidance everyone in a while, but its another to always have help. It seems trivial, but it makes me really look at who I am and developed as a person. When the public sees Ladybug they don't see the teenage girl who makes mistakes and is unsure of her future. They don't see the fact I question if I do the right thing by living this double life and disappointing all the people who I care about. I have acknowledged the fact that Marinette has to live in the shadow of a ladybug. Can anything grow and thrive in the dark? I think the answer is no. All they see is the girl who will fix any problems that arise. Don't get me wrong I love being Ladybug and protecting my home and it's made me who I am today, but if I"m honest saving the people of France it's just doesn't feel like it uses to. 

Life has a way of changing for better or worse. Life isn't the same as it was when I first started high school and had a chance meeting with Master Fu. In the small amount of time, Master Fu made a decision about me and asked me to take on the cause against evil and protect the people all those years ago. He saw something in me and for the life of me, I don't know what it was. I wish I could see what he saw, but I can't. 

 Maybe there was a lack of candidates and a pressing time issue, maybe he originally thought I was someone else or maybe it was truly fate that lead us to meet that day but I will never know. Does Cat ever think of that day, does he ever question why he was chosen? What life's path would have been if we weren't placed on this path? I wish I could find the answers to the questions that burn my soul but it's not possible and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. It's my fault no matter how badly I don't want to face it, but it is. I Marinette Dupan-Cheng failed Master Fu and maybe even Cat Noir. I wish I could set the blam on ladybug but she had nothing to do with it, it was all me. It's a tragedy that I have had to live with these past few months and couldn't bring myself to face or talk about it, it haunts my dreams. I don't have anyone I can turn to not even my most trusted friend and partner Cat. It's the night when my life as I knew it changed and made me question everything that I stand for and who I am. I don't even know what's real anymore. I'm lost.

I turn my head seeing Cat walking over to Nadia Chamack to give her a quote for the news. I find myself smiling wondering how the public must view cat and his whimsical personality  I could never doubt what Master Fu saw in him and knowing he made the right choice. It always seemed he was born to be in this life and living in the spotlight, to be Cat Noir. Our pairing made sense and was a strong union in every way. He was strong where I was weak and I would build him up when he was down. It felt we could accomplish anything as long as we were side by slide. Us against the world. As partners, I thought we would be together forever, but I guess time and fate had other plans. It's too late to change what happened with too much standing between us. Everything has changed.

 A group of girls starts lining up trying to catch cat's eye and ask for his autograph. I felt my smile drift into a frown seeing how openly he took pictures and flirted with these fake girls like he was at a red-carpeted event. It hurt even worse when I saw how his eyes light up with each passing girl. Just seeing him with another girl was heartless and it seemed he didn't even care I was watching nor did he try to hide it. My gentle cat was gone replaced by a heartless soul. I need to stop thinking of him as my cat because it was clear that he was not. I should face the facts and call him by his name Adrian.  He was popular with the girls, but the amount more than tripled after his identity got out as Cat Noir.

 I couldn't take it anymore and I found myself running away before I had much time to think about what I was doing. All I knew was I was in pain and I needed to get somewhere else, anywhere else but there.  I ran as far as I could push myself harder and harder with each passing thought of Adrian. My pain fueled my speed pushing past my regular limits. It pushed me forward and making me feel numb to the physical pain I was putting myself through. 

Out of nowhere, I found myself bending over trying to catch my breath. I had no idea where I was or how long I had been running, but  I did see an ally a few feet from me and thought that looks like a good spot to hide. I was far enough away from prying eyes that I was sure I would be safe at least for the moment. I said Tiki spots off. I felt the subtle transformation and caught Tiki before she fell down from exhaustion. Tikki looks cool and calm as she sweetly but weakly smiles at me. I give her a cookie to eat and ask how she is doing. I waited a second looking forward to hearing some kind of encouragement that she manages to always say that makes me feel better and see the bright side to life. I see her mouth opening waiting to hear sweet words to only realize the conversation was about to take a dangerous turn for the worst.