His Touch (Book 1)

Chapter 42

We're not in a relationship, kaya awkward din.

"Haffai tara dito, upo ka." Sabi niya sabay turo sa tabi niya.

Panatag ako ngayon na wala akong makikita na kahit ano dahil siya ang kasama ko pero ang takot at pangamba ko, nandito pa rin, hindi nawawala.

I sat beside him. "Why?" I asked.

"Give me your hand." He said so I gave it to him.

"Alam mo ba na kung mapaglaro ang tadhana, mas mapaglaro ang buhay?" He said.

"Huh?"

"Life can really be playful. Some people can see ghosts and some are not. People who can see ghosts are definitely strong because they have that ability that they can handle and they need to overcome every fear and circumstances they'll face."

Nanatili akong tahimik, pinapakinggan ko pa rin siya habang hawak-hawak niya ang kamay ko.

"And to those people who can't see their life are probably calming and not that creepy but you know they can be someone's special person." He continued.

"People who can see ghosts cannot survive if they loose their special person, do you get me?" He asked.

I can't get his point, this is actually our situation right now. I don't know if one of my siblings told him about this.

Hindi ako sumagot, hinihintay ko pa rin siyang mag-salita.

"I guess you didn't get my point. Let's say I can see ghost and you are my special person, you're the one I need, Haffai I can't loose you." He whispered.

Wala akong ibang gustong gawin sa ngayon kundi umiyak ng umiyak pero hindi ko magawa dahil nasa harapan ko pa siya. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil kailangan ko pang itago 'to sa kaniya.

He's my special person, I believe on that and I am so much scared right now because I know there's a possibility that he might forget me and of course on that I will surely loose him.

"Hey you have tears, why are you crying? It breaks my heart." He said and simply wiped my tears.

I said I will spend my remaining time with him for us to have more memories but why am I hurting right now? Nasasaktan ako dahil parang mas nahihirapan ako kapag napapalapit kami sa isa't-isa.

I am not confident enough that I will finish my last mission in a good way, I am afraid to wake up next days knowing that Leie wouldn't recognize me anymore or I will disappear to their lives.

Johnson was right, I should just focus to my mission.

"Why did you say that?" I said.

Kung kanina lang ay nanghihina ako, ngayon ay may plano na agad ako.

"Nothing." Binalik niya ang atensyon sa kamay ko na pinaglalaruan niya. Binawi ko iyon at hinarap siya.

Sobrang gulo na ng sitwasyon ko, ayoko ng mas paguluhin ito.

Ayokong madamay siya kahit na alam kong connected siya sa akin, hindi ko lang kayang tanggapon na mawawala ako sa kaniya o makakalimutan niya ako. Magfofocus na lang ako sa mission ko kesa mangyari ang isa sa dalawang 'yon.

Tumayo ako at lumayo ng konti sa kaniya atsaka ako nagsalita. "Let's stop here. I'm confused to your words and I don't want anything about us." I said.

"What? What do you mean? Stop what?" He asked.

"Let's stop here, let's end everything between us."

"What?"

"Itigil na natin 'to. Nahuhulog na ako, nagugistuhan na kita ayoko nitong nararamdaman ko kaya please, tama na." Sabi ko sa kaniya.

Hindi ko na siya tinignan, instead I walk towards the elevator.

"Why Haffai? Ako ba hindi?" Sabi niya.

Napatigil ako sa pag-pindot ng button, hinarap ko siya kahit na may distansya na sa aming dalawa.

"What?"

He looked away first. "Ako ba hindi? You want to stop everything because you want to prevent your feelings? Ako, hindi mo ba naiisip kung anong nararamdaman ko sayo? Haffai mahal kita matagal na." He said.

Hindi ko 'yon sinagot, humarap ulit ako sa elevator at muling pinindot ang button.

When the elevator door opens, tumigil ako sandali para magsalita.

I will hate myself for saying this and I know he will hate me too but I have no choice.

"I didn't ask because I don't care, lumayo ka na lang sa akin please or let's just stay as professionals." I said and entered the elevator.

The door slowly close so I had the time to see his weak smile and little nods to me.

He's agreeing only because this is what I want, kilala ko siya, alam kong ginagawa niya lang 'yon dahil sa akin.

"Damn." Bulong ko sa sarili ko.

That's the right thing to do, ang layuan siya habang maaga pa. Kahit na gusto ko pa siyang makasama ng matagal, hindi ko kayang makasama siya habang naiisip ko na mawawala ako o makakalimutan niya ako.

Mas ayos ng i-hate niya ako dahil sa ginawa ko sa kaniya, mas okay na 'yon kesa sa dalawang posibleng mangyari.

I do love him but I am afraid of everything. I'm doing this not just for my sake but also for him, I want him to be safe all the time, ayokong mapahamak siya dahil madadamay siya sa akin. I'll do my best to protect him at all cost.

Our feelings can leads us to danger and I don't want that. Mabuti na rin na wala kaming naumpisahan officially, mas madaling itigil.

If I will continue to hang out with him, mas mahihirapan lang ako dahil habang tumatagal mas mahihirapan akong bitawan siya, hindi na ako makakapag-focus sa mission ko kung gano'n. This is my only way.

I went home, I went straight to my bed and cry my eyes out.

This is the only time I feel loved but why is this world so cruel to me? Am I that sinful?

I just want him to be safe all the time, 'yon lang masaya na ako.

--
SassyKylie