Now or Never

Chapter 19 ~ Nicky?

Dad places Maximus back down and he hops up on the couch once again and cuddles next to me. This dog helps cure my depression.

"You should come to the meeting today. Maybe it'll help to get it off your mind." Dad says.

I shake my head. "Nope. Every time I go there it just makes my depression worse than it already is."

"(Y/n), you're coming. You need to talk about this." Dad says.

"Oh, do you hear that?" I ask as I grab my phone. "Sounds like my boss is calling. I think he has another dead body for me to examine." I say as I get up.

Dad takes my phone and looks at me seriously. "First off, you're off today so your boss isn't calling. Second, you're going to that meeting." He says sternly.

I groan, knowing I don't have a choice. "Fine, but Maximus is coming with," I say.

"Deal." Dad nods. He then sniffs the air. "Do you smell something burning?"

"Maybe the pancakes you left on the stove," I say as I see smoke coming out of the kitchen.

Dad looks around alarmed and runs to the kitchen. The smoke alarm starts going off and I walk into the kitchen to watch Dad frantically opening up all the windows and trying to get the fire alarm to shut up. I laugh at him and he looks back at me.

"You could at least help," Dad says.

"But this is funnier," I say as Maximus trots up to stand next to me and watch Dad struggle.

He finally gets the alarm to shut up and looks up at us, who are still looking at him.

"How about we order some takeout?" He asks.

                                                                              ...

Dad and I walk into the dimly lit room, small chairs were formed in a circle. I sit down next to Dad with Maximus in my lap as I pet his fur. Others are gathered around too as the meeting starts.

"So I, uh... went on a date the other day. It's the first time in five years. You know? We're sitting there at dinner. I didn't even know what to talk about." A man with glasses tells the circle as we all listen intently.

"What did you talk about?" Dad asks him.

"Same old crap. You know, how things have changed and... my job, his job. How much we miss the Mets. And then things got quiet... then he cried as they were serving the salads." He tells us.

"What about you?" Another man asks.

"I cried... just before dessert." He admits. "But I'm seeing him again tomorrow, so..."

"That's great," Dad tells him. "You did the hardest part. You took the jump. You didn't know where you were gonna come down."

I sit silently as Dad continues to speak.

"And that's it. That's those little brave baby steps we gotta take to try and become whole again, try and find purpose."

I decide to speak up. "You know it's kind of hard to try to find purpose in life when you know a mad titan wiped out the whole universe and I couldn't do anything to stop him. None of us could. And then Roy, my best friend... he admitted that he always loved me right before he turned to dust in my arms." I pause as everyone looks at me. "And you know I have my depressing moments, which are almost all the time, and sometimes I wonder why... why I don't just put an end to my suffering. Put a bullet in my head, but something always stops me. I think it's because I have a glimmer of hope that they'll all come back." I tell the group. Some look at me shocked at how dark that got so fast and others nod in understanding.