SAY CHEESE

1.Camembert

GRAYSON

I woke up to the motherfucking alarm that I don't usually set on a weekend but still my drunken self yesterday was conscience enough to set an alarm but not enough to save myself on wasting my five thousand dollars for a shitty lap dance. I am so not getting drunk anymore. Oh who am I kidding the next time I spot a hot bartender or a stripper or a waitress in a strip club wearing slutty clothes wanting me to give my life savings to her as her tip I just might ,you know I am not picky in any way .

Yesterday was my brother, Ben's last day in the world..okay that's an exaggeration its his last day on earth as a bachelor and in my book that is his last day because why the hell would you ever settle for one type of cheese when you can have the whole variety of cheeses..hmm and cheese here being girl my brother and soon to be sister in law didn't understand my reference and had ordered for me five different types of cheese for the wedding. That is the only reason why I didn't set him up with that hot waitress who was totally giving him the gaga eyes. My sister in law, Marianne really does know me well enough to know that she can buy me with a piece of cheese. She doesn't really play fair you see .

Last night was his bachelor party and guess what he wasn't even in it. He went home just after eleven pm. Before he met Marianne I was the one who had to drag him out of the bar but now ever since he got that chick he looks at her like she is the one who had invented cheese.

I got out from the bed and when I had put my feet on the ground I slipped on the motherfucking lego block and slipped and fell face first on the floor. That's it I am never babysitting Luka for Ben and Marianne again. This is the fourth time I am slipping on the same damn lego block and every single time I kick that thing away it comes right back to stab me in my foot. I swear the damn thing is haunted and I can't risk having my face and my feet getting injured because you know it's the face that girls like and some even have foot fetishes , weird, but I think that just comes as an occupational hazard of a player. You've got to keep the women happy cause you know there are so many men who make them unhappy and this guy ain't one of them.

I still have body glitter on me from yesterday so I take a bath to wash it off and I make my way to the kitchen grabbing a piece of camembert to eat. I heard some knocking sounds no more like someone was trying to break my front door down so I quickly went to open my door to see which motherfucking lunatic was trying to break my front door.

When I opened the door, the knocking stopped and the first thing I saw was suitcases then I saw the hot girl behind the suitcases. Then I cleared my throat so that I could get her attention and when she looked up I just gave her one of my panty dropping smirk the one which girls love but she just gave me a glare and started talking, " who the fuck are you and why are you staying in my fucking apartment?" Huh think I am staying who swears as much I do is a girl after my own heart but then I heard her mentioning something about me staying in her apartment so I started defending myself, "Why the fuck do you think I am staying in your apartment? I just moved here three weeks ago."

The pretty girl opened her mouth and said some shit but all I could think was how I could just kiss that nice shade of lipstick from her face. I was brought back to my senses when she started poking me in my chest to make her point but when she noticed that I was without a shirt she blushed for a second but when she saw me watching her she turned her face into some angry face of some sort and she gave me a pointed look and seeing that she was expecting an answer from me I just told her, "can you repeat that for me?" she then gave and exasperated sigh and repeated , "I was asking you how could you move in to my apartment when I specifically told the Mick that I was going for a family emergency?" I said, " I don't know little lady but this is my apartment now, so ciao" And when I was about to close the door she stuck her feet in between the door and told me that she won't go unless I move out.

So I told her, "Be my guest honeyboo. The day I open this door again it will be day I move out," and I closed the door on her face. I know this may seem rude and it might probably not make sense because I have to go to ben's house later today but she was getting on my last nerves and I wanted to have a dramatic finish. I made my way to my room to put on a shirt and went I went to the kitchen to grab another piece of cheese I heard her crying and wailing banging on my door saying some shit like she was pregnant with my baby and that I kicked her out or some shit like that. I really tried to ignore her but after a good twenty minutes she was still there and since the rooms are really close to each other in this apartment complex , I have a feeling that Mr. Riggins, my next door elderly neighbor who was as old as when they invented cheese wouldn't really appreciate this and I had to learn this the hard way. So I went and opened the door before she made my life any more difficult.

When I opened the door she had a smug expression on her face like the one I have after I have scored a busty blonde. She then said, "Ready to move out Gatito." Her eyes were challenging me to speak up and what's up with gatito does it mean dick or some shit. "Guess what little lady I've had my share of bichitos knocking at my door and I know exactly how well to handle ya'll."

Well don't expect me to give up like them after you've have banged them seven ways till a Sunday," This girl was getting on my nerves and I doubt my mother would appreciate me kicking out a girl or punching her in the face, so I decided to be the bigger person and suggested to go meet Mick the building supervisor to end this for once and for all.

I went inside to look in the mirror to see I was presentable enough ,I know Mick is a stonehead but you don't want not to have a good impression and seeing this girl beside me, I doubt that Mick would even give me a second glance. I just went and grabbed a piece of cheese cause you know its never not a good time to not to have a piece of cheese

I went outside and saw her squatting beside her suitcases doing some shit when I called her out, "hey Little Lady lets go, we don't want to be late, do we?" She then stood up and damn seeing her up this close does wonderous things downstairs if you know what I mean but I think it's a pain in the ass today. I raced downstairs ahead of her and I took a minute to readjust my pants so that she won't call me out being a pervert or something.

While I was doing this she tripped over one of the suitcases and rolled down the stairs and fell right beside me. She is lucky that the stairs have only three steps or else she would have gotten hurt. I gave her my hand so that I can pull her up but she just swats it away and got up on her own. When she stood up I asked her with a smirk, "Jeez, its been only twenty or so minutes since we have met honeyboo and you have already fallen for me."

She gave a huff and went downstairs without me. I raced downstairs to meet her.

Well I think the girl is on her period. The woman folk are such mysterious creatures

A/N
This is kinda my first book and I didn't actually knew writing was so damn difficult but still I have got more fun ideas I would like to incorporate and maybe after finishing this i would maybe upload the real first chapter of SAY CHEESE. I know it's a cheesy (get it cheesy) n name but until I have a better name this is the book's name. I am open to suggestions and I love writing really long one shots so if anyone want to have some one shots dedicated to you and your crush please message me on wattpad.

I HOPE YOU ALL STAY HOME SAFE AND SOUND DURING THIS QUARANTINE

-BITCH OUT

TRANSLATIONS
GATITO - KITTY
BICHITO -BUG

Email:joeythewriterandsinger@gmail.com