Touch [Bedelia Du Maurier x Reader]

Touch

Touch gives the world emotional context.

The touch of others makes us who we are.

It builds trust.

Speaking from the view of others, you were not in a relationship.

Despite knowing the opposite to be true, your friends and family often expressed their doubts if this person was the right one for you. Some who were merely more than acquaintances were as bold as to say this person was just a thing of imagination.

You forgive them every time. You can't blame them, really.

They all saw you with your previous partners. They've knew you your whole life, or most of it. They know how affection you are, how clingy you can get. They know how much you enjoy showing off your partner.

And yet...

Although you are, you claim to be, with your partner for over two years already, none of the people closest to you has seen them. All you told them is that they make you happy. That seemed to satisfy them at first, but it has been a long time after all.

Curiosity is one of the things you've come to understand quite well. How wonderful and destructive it can be. But you don't tell them, because it was Her who taught you.

Some of them have met your partner. They just haven't realized it. You don't blame them.

In those moments, after all, you yourself barely believe you truly are dating.

Walking down the street or talking at a conference, your conversation is purely professional. You write down her words to your notebook or record them. If you're lucky, you might take a picture of her. Nonetheless, it is all very sterile. No one suspects a thing – more than that, it would never cross anyone's mind. Which is kind of the point.

Actually, that is also up to debate. One of your colleagues did joke once that She was exactly your type. You gave it a thought and made some excuse as to why he was wrong. You knew he'd forget the exchange before you got into the car, but your heart was racing for the rest of the day. It still does when it just so happens that you find yourself working with him somewhere she is.

It is challenging. You don't know whether your job is a curse or a blessing. You get to attend the lectures and presentations with her, only not with her, you get to interview her. It's better than not seeing her at all but it's all professional. You need to keep your distance. It's hard. It's hard when you're jealous of everyone she looks at, because she won't look at you on point and you know it. It's hard to see her shake hands with someone she meets for the first time because that's more contact than you got that week. It's just hard.

There's a good reason for all these precautions, you know. Maybe not the exact reason, but it's enough. You trust her. She only wants to protect you and the best way to do so is to keep your relationship a secret. One little slip up could cost you both dearly. She made that abundantly clear.

Still, you loathe the people swarming around her at conferences. She's charming, wonderful. She's radiant and breathtaking. You're painfully aware of all that. There's of course nothing to worry about unfaithfulness-wise. However, the underlying problem is that even knowing that gives you barely any comfort.

You just miss her. Yearn for her. Ache for her.

Calling and texting are hardly options. Too easy to trace should anyone try. You wonder, sometimes, whether if perhaps you found a bottle small enough to pass through the tap and big enough to carry a letter you might reach her that way.