taste // billie eilish

Two

"what the fuck. what the FUCK. this can't be happening." i say pacing back and fourth around the room.

"sorry bil" jude says getting up from the couch to put his popcorn bowl into the sink.

"how the fuck is he gonna throw this whole relationship away? how the fuck long do you think he has been doing it for? this is such bullshit bro i swear to god" i say punching the couch as hard as i can before slumping onto it.

"told me he loved me everyday jude! everyday and i beileved his bullshit" i say as the anger starts to leave my body as sadness takes over.

i feel a tear fall down my cheek and more start to come after that.

"billie it's ok" jude says sitting down next me rubbing my arm.

"it's not f-f-fucking okay!" i say back.

i know jude is just trying to help but i'm a mess right now.

jude puts his arms out for me to hug as i cry into his chest.

"shit, i really didn't realize how serious you guys were.  i'm so sorry. i would be pissed if i caught my girl cheating" jude says rubbing my back.

i don't reply and continue to cry into his chest. considering we arnt that close i gotta admit it's pretty nice of him to be doing this for me and being there for me right now.

after a couple more minutes of crying i finally compose myself and pull away from judes grip.

"wanna smoke? it'll get your head clear. make you calm down" jude suggests.

i never really liked smoking nor have i ever done it. plus the smell is nasty. but i know drinking is worse then weed and i've gotten drunk countless times at partys zoe, drew and brandon have taken me too.

"sure" i say wiping the wet tears off my face with a sleeve.

jude gets back with weed and a blunt and begins to roll it before lighting it and taking a hit then handing it to me.

i was a little hesitant but hit it needing to calm down instantly coughing.

"first time smoking?" jude asks laughing.

"yeah" i say back.

"that's surprising considering you have been with Q for almost a year"

"he was good about not doing it around me" i say which makes me a little sad but the cannabis is doing it's job and makes me way less tense.

after a couple more minutes of silence i'm almost completely calmed down.

"i still just can't believe it" i say finally breaking the silence handing the blunt back to jude to hit.

"yeah, when you gon confront him bout it?"

"tomorrow. i'll tell him to come over" i say anxious of the thought of seeing him.

"and what you gonna say? you not gonna rat me out right?" jude says with a nervous tone in his voice.

"no. i'm gonna tell him i asked you what was up with your girlfriend and you said nothing then asked you to have him call me but you said how you thought he was with me" i say thinking about the conversation already.