Once There Was A Twist

Epilogue

They say love was a wonderful thing. It cannot be explained by words alone. It has different meaning but it was never wrong to love.

Some say love was boundless. It has no end. It has no limit. Love can conquer all.

Love never nurse hate, cause if you love someone, you will only want the best for them. It is selfless and giving. It can give all, even freedom.

Love was also pain. There are no assurance, and your heart was always at risk.

Pero kahit gano'n, nagmahal ka pa rin. Kahit alam mo na isang iglap maaaring mawala ang lahat.

Sumugal ka, paano ka ba naman mananalo kung hindi 'di ba?

Just like an old saying: No risk, no reward. No pain, No gain.

I felt a tear escaping from my eyes as I remembered him again.

Pinagmamasdan ko ang mga ibong lumilipad sa kalangitan.

They are so free.

Maganda ang panahon at maliwanag ang sikat ng araw pero hindi ito masakit sa balat.

Nakakagaan ng pakiramdam kahit papaano ang tumambay sa pantalan.

Kalmado ang dagat at ang mumunting alon ay paminsan-minsang nag-iingay.

"So, when did you start liking me?" I asked Vaughnn. Nagluluto siya ng hapunan namin at sobrang cute lang niyang tingnan. Color pink pa kasi na apron ang paborito niyang isuot.

"Mahalaga pa ba 'yon?" tanong niya. Napasimangot ako at binato siya ng hawak na sibuyas.

"Aray!" Napalingon siya bigla.

"I got attracted to you first sa bar. Tapos nakita kita ulit sa Jollibee, kasama ko si Lance no'n. Mabuti at kilala ka niya and it was destiny's work, okey? Leave it like that," sabi niya.

Really? Was it fate? I made a bitter smile.

Hindi ko napigilang humikbi. I let my tears fall and watched the waves carry it. Napahawak ako sa dibdib dahil sa sobrang sakit. I questioned myself for almost every day. It was my fault.

Just like what her mother said, I should blame myself. And I do blame myself for it! Kung sana hindi ko siya pinilit, hindi sana mangyayari 'to. But I can no longer undo the past and here I am, suffering the consequences. Hindi nga ako makatulog nang maayos.

Kasalanan ko.

Kasalanan ko talaga.

Ako ang dahilan.

I would wake up at the middle of the night and cry. Araw-araw nadaragdagan ang bigat sa dibdib ko. How can I survive like this?

I miss him. I miss him so much!

But I cannot come to him.

I cannot see him.

Napahagulgol ako at marahang tinatapik-tapik ang dibdib ko.

Masakit. Napakasakit. Hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag but it is killing me. Every day, the hole in my heart is getting bigger and every time I remember his face, I felt something squeezing me from the inside.

"When will we ever break up?" I asked him one night. Nasa labas kami ng apartment, nakatingin sa langit.

There are stars above, plenty of them.

"When the sun stops shining," he answered. Napatawa ako. Those were exaggerated. Hindi titigil sa pagsikat ang araw, unless end of the world na.

"Nice try, Mr. Lover boy,"I teased. Pero seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa akin. He mean that?

"When I could no longer see the sun's rays. Maybe that's it. But for now, I'd like to think, we are gonna get old together. I'm gonna see you with a wrinkle face, white hair, and our sons and daughters will take care of us," he stated. He was full of hope and his face brightened while saying those.

"Ilan ba ang anak na gusto mo?" I asked.

"Konti lang naman. How about 10?" My eyes grow wide! Ten? Akala ba niya madali lang umiri? At higit sa lahat, hindi madaling mag-alaga ng mga bata. Geez this man.

Napangiti ako. "Ten? Gagawin mo akong baboy no'n?" Isang patak ng luha ang kumawala sa mata ko.

The memories are hurting me but those are the only things I have left of him.

I will remember his smiles till the time we will meet again. If fate, permits.

Still I am hoping and praying that I could hug him, that I could touch and feel his lips again.

Sana, hindi na sa panaginip.

I closed my eyes for hours, feeling the breeze that is touching my face. Maya-maya ay naramdaman ko ang pagtunog ng cellphone ko.

I slipped my hand on my pocket and pulled out my phone. Apat na tao lang naman ang maaaring tumawag sa akin.

Si Fretz,Natasha, Jimma o Lance.

Those four was my source of strength at times that I'm really down. Naging sandalan ko sila sa mga oras na hindi ko na talaga kaya. Without them, I might have gone crazy. I survived each day without Vaughnn because of them.

Palaging nasa bahay si Natasha at si Jimma naman, doon na nakatira. Kapag may oras naman si Fretz, dumadaan siya at nanood kami ng palabas o kaya ay gagala. Lance was always hanging out with us too. May sarili na siyang negosyo ngayon, nagpatayo siya ng sariling Lattè at kadalasan doon ako nakatambay.

Months have passed by, but the pain is still the same. I owe those four my life,they gave me strength to move forward though I was still looking for a reason to live for.

Para silang mga lalagyan ng sama ng loob ko. They listened and comforted me at all times.

Tiningnan ko ang caller. Si Natasha.

Sinagot ko iyon. Sigurado, nag-aalala na siya. Kanina pa ako nawawala.

"Where are you? Are you okey?"bungad niya kaagad sa akin. I smiled, faintly. Kahit papaano ay naiibsan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Some people cared for me, though I am not worth it.

"Saan daw siya?" Narinig ko ang boses ni Jimma. Magkasama rin sila. Sabagay, alas-singko na ng hapon. Pero maaliwalas pa rin ang kalangitan.

"I'm just breathing fresh air. Enjoying the quiet sound."

"Ask her where she is!" Lance demanded. So, three of them are together.

I bet mag-aaway na naman 'tong tatlong 'to. They always do cat fight and it became an entertaiment for me to watch them.

"I did already, you dumb?" Natasha's voice raising up.

"Stop, stop okey? Let's find, Han first," Jimma stated. Hula ko, siya ang referee ngayon.

"Don't worry, I'm just relaxing at the beach."

"Beach? Wait I think I know where," Lance said. Pinatay ko na ang tawag at muling itinuon ang paningin sa tubig.

Whatever I do, the pain is still there. I forget for a second, and remember for an hour. A sweet torment. Katatapos ko lang umiyak, naiiyak na naman ako. It is really a sad thing, I guess happy ending is not for the both of us.

There will always ba a space im my heart for him. Mahirap talaga, kasi sa lahat ng bagay na nakikita ko, naaalala ko siya.

Vaughnn was the best thing that has ever been mine for a short period of time. But he wasn't mine to keep.

It hurts when you've been given a chance to taste what love is and then the next day, before you know it, it's gone.

Iniisip ko na lang na ang mga ala-alang 'yon ay regalo n'ya sa'kin na dadalhin ko habang buhay.

Another tear.

Titigil pa kaya sa pagluha ang mga mata ko? Hindi ko alam. Siguro, hindi na.

Napatingin ako sa palagid.

The waters look enticing and I thought, will they be able to take my hurt away?