I'm learning a lot about friendship lately.
I used to think: A best friend is someone who knows you better than anyone else.
But now, I'm learning a best friend is someone who knows you better than anyone else-and sticks by your side, anyway.
Truly great friends are absolutely priceless.
You don't need a certain number of them.
Just a number of them you can be certain of.
Certain they'll be the anchor to your boat, when everyone else just wants to party on it.
Certain they won't go radio silent the minute things in your friendship get uncomfortable or inconvenient.
Certain they will lift you up when you're having a bad day-sometimes, with an encouraging word, sometimes with a hug, sometimes with a listening ear.
Certain they will be excited-truly, genuinely excited-when great things happen to you.
Certain they'll follow through on the promises they make, and hold you to the same standard.
Certain that when they say, "I'm always here for you," you can really believe and trust it.
Best friends are people who call you out on your bullshit when you aren't showing up in the world as your best self. And they stay by your side as you fully learn the lesson, even if it starts with a lot of kicking and screaming.
Best friends are people who see you not just for who you are, but for who you are becoming. They don't hold the past against you. Instead, they hold you to your greatest future possibilities. Consistently. Even if it takes energy. Even if your season of discomfort is long.
They are the ones who tell you you're beautiful when you've got no makeup on. Or better yet, when you're balling your eyes out.
They are the ones who have the courage to say, "You don't make any fucking sense right now...but I love you anyway."
They are the ones who don't keep score. They'd give you the first bite of their meal. They'd give you the last dollar in their bank account if you needed it more than them. In a heartbeat, they'd hop on a bike, in a car, on a plane to come get you if you were in danger. Hell, they'd even crawl through a tunnel for you if that was the only way.
Best friends forgive you long before you ever forgive yourself.
And they don't do all these things out of resentment or a feeling of misaligned obligation. They do it out of pure, unconditional love for you.
I think we're truly lucky in life if we find just a couple of people like this. If you think about it, it's pretty rare to find the kind of friend who will stick by your side through it all. They won't glorify you when you're successful. They won't disappear when you hit rock bottom.
Instead, they walk steadily by your side. And they know you'll stand steadily by theirs. Because you will. Because that's just what best friends do.
Of course, it's not your responsibility to be a best friend to everyone, or even most anyone. You would be emotionally drained and exhausted and not such an awesome best friend!
But, do yourself an epic favor and choose a few. Several, if you can. If you want best friendship, you've got to give it first.
Who has been there for you through thick and thin?
Who matters most to you because of the person they are and are becoming-not just for what they can offer you right now?
Who can you count on to be the best flavor of best friend to you?
Who are you certain of?
Whoever is on that list, love the shit out of them. Be relentless in your patience, grace, thoughtfulness, and kindness towards them. They are rare gems. Hold them close. Keep them sparkling.
And if you're having trouble remembering who you should most be a best friend to?
Just remember this:
They are the ones who will love you, even-and, perhaps, especially-when you aren't very lovable.
They are the ones you're certain will, after a big fight, still end the conversation saying, "I still like you. I still love you."
They will play on your team, even if you're in the middle of a big losing streak.
Those are your true, platinum, best friends.
Love them back accordingly.
...Who are your best friends?
Go tell them.
