lost [editing/rewriting]

𝚘𝚗𝚎

After I've wasted all my time at River Bay university and partying at least thrice a week and passing out from a Xanax overdose every fucking day for four years, I'll be thousands of dollars in debt, and if I don't have my life together by then... well, I'll go for the heroin, I guess.

You really know you've done something right when you're 22, addicted to two drugs and taking another one regularly enough to consider if maybe you are addicted to that as well. With countless hospital visits and arrests under my belt, I frankly don't know how I'm even alive anymore. It's like god just wanted me to stay here and suffer. No wonder, considering I fucking hate him. Apparently he hates me too, but that was his words through a pedophile priest's mouth so I don't know if that's a reliable source.

Reliable source. Those I'll probably learn a fuckton about in the coming four years and also completely forget since I'll be high as fuck or sleeping on my table.

So why go to college if you're that much of a mess, some might ask.

And the answer to that is I don't know.

And I'm here now, so it's too late to change my mind.

Well, not really, but I don't have anywhere else to go. My salary doesn't cover an apartment, especially not when you spend hundreds of dollars on drugs (which, admittedly, is a stupid decision). Also, new friends and lots of parties for the exchange of failing every subject and laugh cry at myself in the mirror at the end of every term for how much of a failure I am? I'll take it.

The university's reputation of being absolutely terrible isn't visible on the outside. It's a normal brick building with a normal little yard in front of it, a non-functional fountain and a few benches and trees, and of course the dorm houses surrounding them. Four, to be exact, symmetrically placed in a way that almost makes it look like it's not the pits of hell.

Because it most definitely is. Let me tell you; River Bay High was an experience, and I've heard so many people say the university is even worse.

Someone might question that too. Why go to River Bay university if it's terrible?

Because River Bay (and the neighbor city Nettlefield, but we usually pretend that place doesn't exist) is in the middle of fucking nowhere. Once you're here, you're here forever.

Your friends are here. In the rare case that you still have a family that likes you after you turn 18, those people are here. All your hobbies are here. Once you've lived in River Bay for more than a year, your roots are buried so deep that leaving would be leaving a part of you.

On a less dramatic note, I'm pretty sure they don't read through your applications. You failed High School? Well, at least you went to middle school, welcome to River Bay University.

Also, I'm pretty sure this town is cursed. Wandering down the stone path to the fountain feels so lonely, but it never feels like you're alone when you are. Never. It's like ghosts are haunting this place, the entire city.

A large area completely empty when you're expecting people there usually is strange, I get that, but it's everywhere. Hell, I'm surprised we've never had a ghost sighting.

Did I mention I'm high? I'm high.

I round the fountain, to the left, and then right, praying to the God I hate that my roommates are somewhat like me. Well, nothing like me, but have the same intentions as me. If they're like me, I don't know what I'll do.

I put the code in at the door—9342—and have to stand at the entrance for a moment, getting used to the dark red entrance that kind of reminds me of a movie theatre. I was here earlier today, leaving my shit when no one was here and went off to get high with some friends.