you're half drunk and i'm in love ✔️

tear myself apart

"can you see my hands shake?
heart is now an earthquake
i'm left alone to tear myself apart
you make it look so easy
turn around and leave me
i'm left alone to tear myself apart"

*****

I slipped out of her house around 5 in the morning. But I only made it a few blocks from her house before I had to pull over. My body was still shaking, and my mind was in pieces and scattered.

"Breathe," I said to myself. "For fuck's sake breathe."

This happened every time. She would call me in the middle of the night, drunk and horny. I would rush over, desperate for a taste of her. We would spend the next couple hours naked and under her covers. I would leave before she sobered up. And then I would have to stop on the way home to calm my nerves.

I've tried to quit. Tried telling her no. Telling her I'm tired, I'm busy, I don't want to. But she can see right through the lie.

She knows the exact words to say to make me come over. The exact places to touch to make my back arch. The exact clothes to wear at school, to remind me I can never have her outside our midnight meetups. She knew exactly what she was doing.