Cassidy and Carter

Chapter 24: Carter

I'm ripping out flooring in the living room with Benji and Dean as Cassidy brings in pizzas. It's only been two days since her attack, but she seems almost okay? I don't even know how to describe it, but the depressed and unsure woman from the last month is slowly fading away. She seems more herself and I'm a little worried because she killed someone.. and then I killed someone and now we are replacing the blood stained flooring and she just keeps chatting on about the light grey being a great choice. Is she broken? Did killing a man snap her sanity in half?

She claps,
"This was a great color choice."

My eyes widen at Benji in a 'help me, my girlfriend killed someone and now she's taken up diy projects like a deranged psychopath.' He and Dean both watch her with looks similar to mine. Is she acting? Is she trying to convince us she's fine?

"How about someone just asks me what you want to know instead of sharing secret looks and staring at me." She looks pointedly between the three of us.

Dean speaks and Benji and I blow out simultaneous breaths of relief. He's way tougher then me.

"You're acting like a psycho." He tells her with a straight face. I make a noise of distress and Benji clears his throat. Well he's not tougher, just stupider.

"How so?"

"You were almost raped, you killed someone and then your boyfriend killed another someone. In your living room."

"Obviously I'm aware of that Dean. That's why we are replacing the flooring." She huffs like she's annoyed with him. I squint my eyes at her. She's probably going to fucking kill me in my sleep.

"How do you want me to handle this? You think I should be curled up in a ball crying? I cried for a month straight after Carter was shot because I love him and him dying would be like a part of myself dying."

She looks to me and I put my tools down to focus on what she's saying.

"Those men deserved to die. They were going to take something from me I wasn't willing to give. They could have hurt my sisters, or worse. I was prepared to fight him to the death before he touched me in that way. You know what crossed my mind when I had that revelation? The revelation that I might die on my living room floor..."

She looks between the three of us and we shake our heads no.

"I was relieved that Ella and Mia had Carter." She looks to me.

"And you, Abby and your parents." She looks to Benji.

"And you, Naomi and the boys." She finally looks to Dean.

"As fucked up as it sounds I was relieved that I wouldn't be leaving them here alone like I was left alone after loosing my Mom. They would never heal from my loss, but they would survive it and all of you would have helped them."

She looks back to me and there is a tear streaming down her cheek.

"You would have taken guardianship and they would have been yours. You would have raised them and protected them and they would only know love and loyalty from you. They won't ever be alone again."

"And neither will you baby. I'm not going anywhere." I say to her with my hand over my heart.

"I know." She gives me a small smile. "This world is so fucked up. I live everyday worried about loosing everyone that I sometimes forget they're still here. I laid on the ground under him thinking I spent the last month focused on my pain and anger and I could have been focused on loving you because you're here."

She looks between the three of us.

"I can't live everyday scared of what bad things could happen, or I'll miss the good things. I can't keep living in the past, or I'm going to miss the future."

She sniffles and wipes her tears.

"Thank you for being here. For always being here and for literally saving my life." She gives me a big smile now and I give her one back as a tear streaks down my cheek.

"You gave me a second chance Carter and I don't intend to waste it. I'm not okay and I won't be okay for a while, but I'm alive and I have you here. All of you. I have a family and people who love me. People who love my girls. I've been focused on existing, not living. But you are worth living for."

I'm up and holding her before she finishes her last sentence. I'm breathing her in and thanking whoever the fuck wants to listen that she is standing whole in front of me. She's so much stronger then she gives herself credit for. Even over the last two days she has put her sisters first. Reassuring them that it was a break in and the police arrived to take the bad men to jail. They've all three had sleepovers with Naomi and her boys and tomorrow they will finally come home and we will start to heal. As a family.

I pull the ring box from my pocket and kneel in front of her. I'm kneeling inches away from where a man's blood soaked through her floor, but that is only a reminder of why it's time I do this.

"I have been carrying this in my pocket since the day I moved in. Benji told me it was too early to ask you to marry me then, so of course I had to buy a ring anyway. There were quite a few times you were very close to finding it, but luckily you were distracted by a bigger treasure." I wink to her and she giggles while Benji and Dean grown in unison.

"I figured one day I would just know when it was time. I've had my own revelations many times over the last year with you baby. I knew the moment I met you that I was going to love you. I knew the first time I saw Ella and Mia at Sunday dinner that I wanted to be a part of their life. There was a night we were in your bed helping the girls with homework shortly after I moved in." She nods her head understanding which night I'm referring too.

"I knew that night that I was never going to be able to part from the three of you. I knew without a doubt that every one of my last days would be spent by your and your sisters sides. You didn't know that at the time, but I knew for the both of us. I felt it. I was meant to find you Cassidy."

She collapses into me and I grip her to me. She's crying into my neck mumbling she loves me over and over again. We sit like that for a few moments and I can't help but let the tears fall along with her.

"I love you baby. Marry me?" I whisper into her ear and she nods her head while she pulls back to look at me.

"Yes, yes, yes. Thank you Carter, for everything. I love you." She kisses me hard and then pulls back to sit on her butt and puts her hand out. I slide the ring on her finger and Benji and Dean clap and shout.

"And you just knew that you needed to propose in the middle of a crime scene?"

She's smiling through her tears and I kiss both of her cheeks.

"I just knew."