Hidden behind her eyes

The spiral of depression

My alarm clock begins to blare into my ears, interrupting my somewhat peaceful sleep.
Sighing, I rolled off of my bed and sauntered into the small bathroom of mine.
I took a quick shower and then brushed my teeth and hair.
I put on a thin coat of mascara and slipped on a pair of black leggings, pulling a huge grey sweatshirt over my head.
I rested my nose in the fabric of the shirt and breathed in the scent of what my dad used to smell like.
He always smelled like charcoal and lemons.
He was a baker and she loved to cook all sorts of food, but his favorite was lemon bars with powdered sugar on the top.
It was the only thing I had left of him and I cherished it to death.
I grabbed my bag from my desk in the corner of my room, and slugged it over my shoulder, feeling my stomach pinch in hunger.
When I near the bottom of the stairs, I hear my mom swearing at someone on the other end of the phone.
There was cigarette smoke filling the air, gagging me.
It was no surprise to see an empty vodka bottle laying on the kitchen counter.
The room smelled strongly of liquor, just like somebody had stored a bar in the lower half of the house.
There were clothes everywhere.
I decided that there was a party last night and my mom was drunk, as she was holding the phone upside down with the majority of her clothes off.
"Avery! Get your ass over here." she mumbled
"I have school." Is all I say closing the door behind me and walk out to the bus.
"I am not finished with you young lady!" She calls out the front door throwing a full bottle of vodka to the pavement.
She kneels in the ground and began to drink what was left of the vodka from the pavement.
I swallow the Nile in my throat and climb the stairs, finding my way to the back of the bus and sit down.
-
Gym class was the last period of school.
My least favorite.
After I had changed into my gym clothes, (black leggings and a sweatshirt) I sat down in the bleachers in front of the teacher.
When the bell rang, the teacher ordered us to sit down.
She began to talk, explaining what we would be doing for our next unit.
"Today we are starting the soccer unit." Mrs. Dani said
She was the only teacher I liked. Probably ever.
"Avery, come up here and help me demonstrate." She smiled kindly at me
I force a smile and join her up in front of the class.
She passes me the ball and I trap in below my right foot.
"That is called trapping the ball. When you pass the ball, you use the inner part of your foot."
As she explains, I pass the ball to her and she successfully traps the ball.
To ushers me to move away after passing me the ball and towards the goal.
"To preform a goal kick, use the top of your foot and get a running start."
The ball goes in the upper right corner of the net.
Mrs. Dani instructs the class all of the steps for soccer and lets us get outlet own balls to try it out.
Most people partner.
I am left alone.
-
After half an hour, we begin a scrimmage game.
Soccer was my favorite sport, so I was pretty good at it.
My teammates cooperate with me and pass the ball.
Each goal was my doing.
When I play soccer, everything leave my mind so I am in the zone.
I stole a ball from my old friend Jessica and made a goal.
"Bitch!" She yells
I ignore the comment and continue to play.
-
Mrs. Dani announces that it was time to change.
The rest of the class and I head to the locker rooms and I change quickly.
Just as I am about to leave, I am shoved into the lockers.
I know exactly who is was.
"Let it go Jessica. It's a game." I snap and stand back up.
She slaps me.
It didn't faze me, but only pissed me off.
So I turned around and punched her in the face.
She stumbled into the lockers dumbfounded.
I left her with the entire locker room laughing at her.
"Sources the bitch right." I hear a girl mumble
I couldn't locate the person who'd said it, but I let a smile kl creep into my face.
A real smile.
-
The bus dropped me off at my house and I throw up my hood to disguise the redness of my face.
Unfortunately it didn't work.
Of course it didn't.
"Wait a minute. Put down your hood." my mom demanded
If sighed and did as she said.
Even if I had said no, she would have forced it off my head herself.
"Someone else hurting you? And it wasn't me???!" She screeches
See what I mean? Psychotic.
My eyes widen in fear as I try to climb the stairs fast enough to escape her.
But I miss one step and fall down the staircase.
I feel a stab in my back and I turn around, imagining her face was a soccer ball, and drop kicked her face, instantly knocking her out.
I climb the staircase and lock myself in my room.
A oozing substance slides down my back and it triggers pain.
I reach my hand behind and yank whatever it was out of my back, finding a fork.
I throw it across the room and burst into tears as I go to my bathroom and find my med kit.
I numb the area and stitch up the wound.
-
Hours pass while I lay in bed, the tears falling.
My back stings and my heart hearts, stomach is gurgling, and I am planning an escape route.
When somebody cracks, there is no fixing them.
Staying here was doing nothing for me.
It was doing nothing for my mom.
She'd cracked and she's been hurting me.
Somebody can only take so much before they can't take anymore pain. 🌹🌹🌹