I became someone that I'm not right after the "sweet" twenty. I was in the wrong place, I was not myself. I was lost. I switched off my feelings. It always wanted to come back, but I did not have the courage. I went to the wrong place that I thought was right at that moment. I tried to be someone that I'm not, which I really did. I became someone that I never thought I would be. I became fearless. Fearless stupid. I ventured out. I tried everything. I got a job, I became more independent because all I had was myself. My life seems so much easier, I have my own money, I can do whatever I want. But one thing that I regretted the most, I let myself becoming the girl that I never wanted to be. I became a girl that takes everything lightly "it was just a date" "it was just holding hands" "this is temporarily" "I'll just enjoy this nothing serious" "this is normal everyone does this". Stupid. I was stupid. I let go of my own faith, my own beliefs- faith in true love, where my touch was expensive , my time was priceless and not everyone deserve me. I let go of that. I was stupid. Stupidest time in my life. And If I could, I would go back in time and slap myself in face so that I didn't turned out like that. I regretted it. I really do that I wish I can remove that entire time from my life. Just erase that chapter from my life. But life goes on, I made wrong decisions in life. I regretted it but I took the lessons from. It actually makes me remind myself to never do that again, ever in my life. I would never be someone else, I would never lower my standards for temporary happiness. It wasn't happpiness. It's more like a shortcut get away from my "sweet" twenty tragedy which unfortunately became another tragedy. And I should never ever do that. But there's always rainbow after rain and I found my rainbow.
