Billie Eilish Imagines

Not so uncomfurtable now, huh? (Pt.3)

****

     "Wait so how is busing working, Justin?"

     "Jessie! Can you grab me a bottle?"

     "No bro I swear, this is going to be everywhere-"

     There was so much conversation going on around me yet I couldn't seem to concentrate on any of it. I was sitting next to Billie who was in deep conversation with Finneas and Claudia about some new game on their phones. I pulled out my phone to check on any recent messages... fucking like one million from Kat and Alya. Jesus. I love them but, can't they understand all of this is fucking crazy for me? I go from living in a one bedroom apartment to touring with Billie fucking Eilish. Well, dating? Even that is questionable. I felt Billie's hand squeeze my thigh, "You okay?" I jump a little and look over to her, "I guess so, just everything kind of getting to me." She nods her head, pressing her lips together, "Common. Let's get away for a second." She takes my hand and leads me out of the greenroom and literally out of the building into the fresh nights air. "Billie! What if someone sees us!" I said frantically. She shakes her head and takes my hand, "Don't worry, they all wait for me by the buses." We walk a little bit and stop in front of a wall, leaning up against it. I sigh and hug myself, looking up at the stars, "I don't know how people can go from 0 to 100 and just be okay with it." She stays quiet for a second, "I guess they aren't. They just end up hiding it very well." I nod my head, "I know. I just didn't imagine my life playing out like this." She smiled, "Well hey, look at it this way. You got me to fall for you." She reaches out for my hand but I declined the offer. She frowns and I sigh, "Billie how could you love me so soon? How are you so sure you will love me? Every part of me? How can you determine that so quickly?"

     She looks down and chuckles before saying nervously, "I guess I don't know you well. But I want to. I feel like I know enough of your personality to know that I could be in love with you." She looks up at me with hopeful eyes. I could see past them; she's been hurt before. What was she looking for in me? I stopped leaning off of the wall and bended my knees as I said, "Billie you literally have been my love for so long. It's so hard to believe that you want to love me."She laughs, "I'm so in love with you-" "But how?? How are you going to love me knowing that I have sleeping problems-" I said. "-I have that too-" she cuts me off, walking closer to me as I continue, "-or the fact that I can't sing-" "Never said you had to mama-" she says, getting closer to me. I huff, "What about the fact that my mother is trying to contact me after so many years of telling me I'm a fucking failure? But now that I've made it she wants to call me? And for what? Money for drugs?" My voice cracks at the last of my words as I look down, hoping my tears would clear up. I look up and take a deep breath in, tears still forming in my eyes and even starting to roll down my cheeks, "All my life, I have never known what it meant to feel loved by a mother or father. My mother was a fucking drug addict who slept with guys for money; and my dad left when I was 9 months old." I tried to hold back myself from crying; she needed to hear this. No matter how painful it was for me. I started to bend over from the knott that was forming in my stomach, "Sometimes, the guys she would invite over.. would try and uhm," I started to cough from holding back tears.

     Billie immediately wrapped her arms around me and started to rub my back as she said, "Woah it's okay. You don't have to tell me everything right now. Bits and pieces mama, its okay." I turned into her shoulder and hugged her as I cried. I haven't talked about this in such a long time, the pain was overwhelming. I wasn't sure she could take it. "Let's sit down," she said. We took a seat up against the wall as I leaned up against  her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me and rubs my shoulders. I looked up and laughed before turning my head towards her, "I'm one damaged sensitive bitch. You sure you still love me?" She sticks out her lower lip before nodding, "Of course I do. I love you even more, knowing you're my strong sensitive damaged bitch." I shook my head and smiled, "What the fuck does that even mean?" She took my hands and started to play with my fingers nervously, "Does it really have to mean anything?" I could tell the thought of labels scared her. Something happened before that ruined it. I wasn't going to push the issue; she needed to come to me about it. I nodded my head, pulling her in for a hug, "You are by far the most- wow I can't even explain you and it pisses me off."