Stories About My Backyard that are Simply Not True

Open House.

Josh and Roger walk into the house. 

"This here place is nice I guess but it's far to booshie for me." Roger said walking threw the door. 

WIPE YOUR BOOTS BEFORE YOU COME IN!" Josh shouted pushing him back out the door. He pointed at the doormat. "Use it." 

"Alright calm down ye ferret get off me." He says wiping his boots on the doormat. 

"Happy?" he says walking back into the house closing the door behind him. "Yes, thank you." Josh replies.

 "Right lets go over some rules before we start." Josh says walking into the living room. 

"Rules?" Roger scoffed 

"Yes rules now sit down" 

Roger sits down on the couch. "Ok first rule. Please don't swear at my clients, keep it family friendly" "Yeah yeah family friendly got it." Roger says rolling his eyes. 

"Sigh, Two. Please don't touch anything just merely point to things, I can't afford something breaking. You got that" "Yes, are ye done now." Roger says "Wait there's one more thing. Don't try and scare my clients because they may go tell there friends and family not to come here. Then those people might go and tell there friends and family and so on, got that."

"Can I at least have a drink." 

"You may have water." 

"WATER! I ANIT A FISH" 

"I will not sit here arguing about this with you roger."

 "Fine. Lets get it done already" Roger gets up.

 "Fantastic! Now I'm mainly going to be in the house. How's about you help people in the backyard."

"Yeah, alright." Roger sighs and goes to the backyard. 

 Josh makes his way to the front door. Cars start to pull up and josh opens the door to start greeting people.   

"Hello everybody thank ye'll for coming, if you have any questions about this lovely home please feel free to ask." Josh says with a smile. 

Roger was sitting outside drinking some water when a couple walk by. "Lovely house isn't it" The man says. "Yeah, it's nice I'll give it that. Say. You ever hear about the man that was buried alive?" Roger says looking out onto the backyard. 

"No? what's it about?" The man asks nervously. "Well, along time ago a woman found out her husband was cheating on her with five different woman. After she found out she got so angry that she whacked him over his head and dragged his body to this here backyard. She started digging a hole and threw him in! Has she was starting to bury the man he woke up. But he was already to far buried to be able to crawl his way out. So he started to yell and shout for help but every time he did she'd full his mouth with dirt. They say it was the act of the devil and she'd been possessed. After that she got in her car and was never seen again... But other then that beautiful house. A great place to rise a family"  

The couple stood there in silence shocked by what they had just heard. 

"Ok... Well bye" The couple quickly walked away.

Josh saw the couple leaving quickly and stopped them.

"Hey there is something wrong, what's the rush? Anything I can help with?" He said confused.

"Uh, this house just really isn't for us." The woman said. 

"Hey! come back I have more stories to tell you" Roger shouted from outside snickering to himself. 

"Bye" The couple said leaving threw the front door and getting in there car and driving far away. 

"Roger." Josh said quietly to himself with an angry look. He went outside and saw roger talking to a small group of people. 

"The dog kept barking ya see but they didn't no at what. They thought it might have been at the birds but. It was no bird. Well kinda, what they saw that night was a big feathered creature that almost looked human with their dead son in it's mouth. The couple tried to run away but more of them came and they were picked up one by one. They say every year those creatures come back. Waiting, for a snack. 

The small group of people were horrified. 

Josh runs in. 

"No no. Theirs no bird creatures here haha, just a fun story we like to tell haha... Get up" Josh says with his teeth clenched

Josh takes Roger to the front of the house. 

"What did I say! don't scare my clients!"

"I just told stories it's not my fault if they get scared by em." 

"Damn it Roger! I new this was a bad idea."

"Oh don't get your bar in a twist Josh" 

"THATS IT. YOU ARE GOING HOME AND YOU ARE NOT TO COME BACK!" 

"FINE! I didn't like this crummy place anyway." Roger crumbled as he stormed off. 

It was around 10 pm when josh got home that night. Roger was sitting in the living room watching some fishing show on TV. Josh walked in and sat next to roger. There was silence between them until roger broke it. 

"How'd it go." He said still watching the TV. 

"Well... On the plus side I sold the house thanks to your stories. On the down side I think they worshiped the devil." 

"Ha, see I did help." Roger replies talking a sip of his beer. 

"So when do I start work."

"In your dreams." Josh scoffs. 

"I'm just joking, I don't wanna sell houses to some elbow lickin' rich people. However, I did love telling them stories."

"Maybe you should write books for our library! I know someone who works there, miss holly. She's a wonderful lady I'm sure if I spoke to her she'd let you." Josh said excitedly. 

"Sigh, I'll think about."

"Alright then." Josh smiled and got up from the couch.

"I'm going to bed now see you in the morning" Josh says walking down the hallway.  

"Wait" Roger says sitting up on the couch. He points at the TV

"Those. Are fish. I, am Human." 

"Sigh... I know that!" Josh grumbles.

"Clearly you don't. Roger replies slumping back into the couch. 

"Ugh, GOODNIGHT." josh says closing his door. 

Noise from the TV. And now lets see how these group of clown fish react when they're face to face with a great white shark. 

"Hey josh look you're on TV" Roger shouts pointing at the TV. 

"UGH." Josh groaned. 

"Haha!" Roger cackled.