a delicious dish is made up of fresh ingredients and a well-thought-out recipe, right?
welcome to 'recipe'! wherein chef mae carefully analyzes the recipe of your preferred dish to help you make it more delectable and pleasant to eat!
in other words...
-i'll be detailed with talking about some grammatical mistakes that i have noticed in the prologue and in chapters 1-3. these are all based on what i've learned in school so i may be wrong in some parts, as for errors beyond chapter 3, i'll summarize them with no screenshots.
(ps. this is gon be long af so prepare yourself whoopie)
prologue:
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1. in the first paragraph of your prologue, the statement 'her beautiful hazel eyes, chocolate brown hair in a ponytail with a simple casual outfit' sounds incomplete. maybe join it with the sentence before it. something like 'it seems that a new student, with her beautiful hazel eyes and chocolate brown hair in a ponytail, has entered the classroom'. 'with a simple casual outfit' feels unnecessary?
-after introducing herself, luna caught the class's attention as a whole, meaning an apostrophe and s is required.
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1. the first sentence, again, sounds incomplete. you started that statement with 'as', which supposedly makes it a dependent clause that needs its independent clause. 'as taehyung and his group of friends, who called themselves bts or bangtan' then what? what about them? did they enter the classroom or do anything? it leaves us hanging because it's lacking something.
2. the second paragraph is definitely one very long run-on sentence. it'll sound better if you try to break it down to shorter yet complete sentences.
3. the phrase 'not long after' seems like it needs a verb after it. something similar to 'not long after, luna broke down into tears'. a suggestion is 'not long after, a new student transferred to the school bts attended and she seems to always be happy and smiling. secretly, she too has a dark past that no one knows about'. i may not be correct though, it's just a suggestion.
