Tiger Lillies (TodoDeku) (Depressed Deku)

Part 4

August 27th, 2017
My dearest family,
I deeply apologize. I cant do this anymore, please try to understand. I love you guys so much. I'm sorry things had to end like this. I was looking forward to seeing where life would take us. I'm just not as strong as you guys. I'm sorry, please dont let this bring you down. I love you for infinity. Goodbye.
Signed, Shoto Todoroki <3

I gasped. What the hell? I noticed a tear drop down onto the paper as my hands shook slightly. I quickly folded the paper back up, putting it back as I wiped my eyes. I picked up the blades to put the paper back underneath them. "Ouch," I said as one of the blades sliced open my finger. I watched as it began to bleed a little and put the blades back. I closed the lid on the box and placed it back in the cabinet in it's spot. I wrapped a bandaid around my finger and took the key back to Todoroki's room. Why has the box moved recently? Did the key also move? I didnt pay enough attention to have noticed if it did. I put it back in it's spot and went back into the kitchen, checking the time on the stove. It was 12:16. I took a deep breath and sat at the kitchen to take in what I've just seen. Do I confront him about it? He would find out I was snooping. He would hate me, kick me out. He would never talk to me ever again. I decided I wouldn't question him about it. It was for the best I didn't tell him what I found. I should have minded my own business anyways. I'll try to sneak glances at his arms though. If they were bad, then I could just say I saw his arms. I technically wouldn't be lying then. But wait, I've seen his arms before. Last time I saw there were scars but nothing new. Has he done something since I've moved in? Was it because of me? I shook my thoughts as I stood up and cut the brownies into slices, placing them onto a plate. I took one and then placed plastic wrap over top of it. I ate the brownie and then washed the pan, which was still a little hot but nothing I couldn't handle. Well then. I baked. What next? I googled a few options and entered them all into the wheel decider that Todoroki used. (AN: I used an actual wheel decider to decide) I watched it spin until it came to a complete stop. "Poetry?" I shrugged. Huh, havent written poetry in a while. I guess I could. But what about? I grabbed out an empty notebook and laid it on the desk in my room and laid out 2 pens and 2 pencils. I had no clue what to write so I just began.

His tender lips, soft and red
The memory of kisses looped in my head
Longing for his touch and loving gaze
The feeling forever, not a phase
Hold me close, forever and more
My dearest, you're who this poems for
Eyes different, and yet the same
I want to hear your voice say my name
These feelings fresh, all so new
I wish you could love me the way I love you

I put the pencil down and reread the poem I had just written. While I wrote this, Kacchan never came to mind. Who was this about? Was it for anyone? It was as if the pencil moved my hand by itself. Why did I write this? Who was it for? I didnt have feelings for anybody. I didnt even know if I was over Kacchan yet. I should probably push these feelings to the side. I didn't even know who they were for and yet I still felt as if they would be causing trouble. I decided to read the poem once more. His. It was about a guy. Not surprising. I folded the paper in half and out the poem at the back corner of my desk nearest to the door. I could throw it out, but then it would show I wasted my time. Time is too precious to waste. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time again. 12:32. What else could I do? I sat on my bed and curled up with a blanket around me. Maybe some Hulu wod be nice. There was a show I started to watch and got into. It was called Uta No Prince Sama. I only had a few episodes left of the first season. It was great so far, and I genuinely enjoyed it. I pressed play and sat on my bed, wrapping myself warmly. I would watch the last 4 episodes of the first season and take it from there. After all, I couldn't be lazy all day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Time~Skip~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stretched a little as I hit pause, making sure it didnt play onto the second season. So THAT'S how she got them all to agree to join together. That was AMAZING! Such a sweet girl. Ittoki was definitely my favorite character besides Nanami. Well, of course I adored Kuppuru who had a surprise twist, but he was technically a cat for the majority of the time so he didn't have the same character development. Ichinose definitely had the best character development hands down though. Anyways, before I get carried away, I checked the time. 2:08. Huh. I still had a while until Todoroki came home. 4 hours almost. He sure did work long. Maybe I could help out around the house a bit? Well, he actually did keep his house in order pretty well. But I could still extra clean. I ended up vacuuming the floors I could and dusted a little bit. I then scrubbed the counter tops and table before lightly cleansing the stove. What else was there... I put a little bit of toilet cleaner in the toilet and let it sit and decided to also scrub the tub a bit. I pulled a little bit of my hair up and put it in a hair tie to prevent it from getting in my face too much. I emptied out the trash as well. I made the beds, both mine and Todoroki's before deciding to clean all the windows and mirrors. I ended up also doing a small load of laundry made of Todoroki's clothes and a few towels. When they were done I folded them. I decided to once again check the time as I plopped myself down in the couch. 5:08. I should get started on dinner I guess. What should I make? Ooou! Some soba sounded great. Well then I guess I could wait a little longer to make it. I grabbed another brownie and shoved it in my face before sitting on the couch and turning on tv. I watched a little bit of Golden Girls, which ended at 5:30. Todoroki said he would be back at 6. I would start making dinner at 5:50 then, so it would still be nice and hot when he got home. In the mean time, I watched a youtube video or two until I saw the time and got started on dinner. I began to boil the water, watching it until it began to boil. I then dumped the noodles in. I made sure to stir it every so often. I was humming to a melodic tune as I felt a pair of hands cover my eyes. "Guess who?" I smiled, "no way, Present Mic? In my house?" He removed his hands and moved next to me. "I'm not that loud." I giggled. "What are you making?" he asked, leaning over to look in the pot. "Just some soba. It sounded really good to make tonight. Also I made brownies earlier, they are on the counter." He walked over to the brownies and lifted the plastic wrap, placing it back down as he grabbed a brownie, observing it. "I promise they're not poisoned yet." He took a bite out of it. "Wow, these taste great!" he complimented. "Thanks, I used to make them with my mom." I separated the soba into two bowls and seasoned them, mixing them afterwards and placed both bowls at the table. Todoroki sat down at the table and I opened the fridge. "What do you want to drink?" "Oh uh just a can of whatevers in there, hey wait, did you clean the table?" I grabbed 2 cans of Pepsi, "yes I did. I cleaned a lot of things. That reminds me, when you go to the bathroom flush the toilet first so the cleaner goes down," I sat down, passing Shoto his drink. He blew lightly on his noodles and began to eat. "It tastes great, thanks Midoriya." I smiled, "you're welcome." We made small talk mostly. "So what did you do while I was at work?" Todoroki asked, taking another forkful of Soba. "I made brownies, burnt my finger on the brownie pan, watched a few episodes of a show on Hulu, went on a deep cleaning spree, made dinner-" "wait, you burned your finger on the brownie pan? Did you put anything on it?" I nodded. "Okay good. Didnt want it to blister." I nodded, chewing my food. "So how was work?" "Same old same old. We managed to get people to adopt 2 cats and a snake today." "Oh that's pretty cool." "Yeah I guess," he said. We finished our soba and I washed the dishes, much to Todoroki's disapproval. "I could have washed them, after all, you've worked way harder than I did today," he protested. "Oh speaking of work, I called up my old boss." He moved next to me, leaning his arm on the counter top, "how did that go?" "Well, starting tomorrow I'll be allowed to work again. He cut an hour off of my hours though, but that's fine. I'll still make decent enough money, so I'll be able to start paying for things around here." He smiled, "I'm glad you got your job back. Now we need to work on getting you a car or something. For now I can drive you to work. Or uh well you can chill at my work for a while until you will walk to your work." I placed the last bowl in the rack and dried my hands, "sounds great. I get done work around 4:30 and I have off on Saturdays. I'll wait around at your shop until you get done and yeah. I'll start looking into cars soon though." He nodded. "So, what do you want to do?" I asked. "Uh I dont know actually. There's not really much to do. Wanna just watch tv or something? Just see whatevers already on?" I nodded and sat on the couch next to Todoroki. The movie 10 Things I Hate About You had just started a few minutes ago. It was one of my all-time favorites to watch with Kacchan. Well, I guess it's nice to see it again. It's nice that Todoroki is here to watch it with me. I rubbed my arms as I was a bit cold. "Come here," Todoroki told me. "I'm right next to you, what do you mean come here?" He smirked, "you're dense. Come here. On my lap." I felt a light pink brush my cheeks. "It's not like I'm gonna shove my entire dick in your mouth. Just come here." I smiled and complied, sitting on his lap cross-legged as he was. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Better?" I leaned into his warmth. "Better." We watched the movie and by the time it was over I had wiped a few tears away and turned to look at Todoroki. He was fast asleep. Poor thing, must've worked hard today. He was very calm when he slept. I carefully got up from his grip and leaned his head back against the couch. I went to his room and came back with a blanket and covered him with it. He was so precious. I planted a light kiss on his cheek when all of a sudden I felt him place a hand in my hair and turn his head. We were now lips to lips. I turned a dark crimson as a soft, "Izuku..." escaped his lips and he released his grip and leaned back against the couch. What. The. Hell. Just. Happened?!?! What do I do about that? Did he even know what he was doing? I was panicking a little. Did he want to do that? Did I want to do that? Why did my face turn all red? Was it from embarrassment? That'd be the only reasonable conclusion. But then, why did I not stop him? Why.... why did I not want him to stop? Was I deprived of love or something? What was wrong with me. Damn it. Why did I feel like this. What was I feeling? I slid on a pair of shoes and stepped outside, closing the door behind me. It was warm outside, unlike the inside if the house, although it was a bit too warm so the house temperature was understood. I sat on the bench along the side of the house and crossed my legs. I held my head in my hands, trying to clear my thoughts. I was hyperventilating a bit. I took a deep breath as I heard the front door open. "Midoriya? What are you doing out here?" I gave a small smile, but couldn't hide the blush on my cheeks, "oh, just thinking that's all. Did you enjoy your rest?" He sat next to me and I tensed up slightly. "It was nice I guess. Are you okay?" He looked at me while I eye-fucked the ground. "Yeah yeah I'm okay. Say Todoroki, uh, do you remember doing anything while you uh were asleep?" He looked confused, "no, I dont. Did I? I tend to sometimes." I shook my head, "oh no it's fine." He looked at me questionably, "Izuku, what did I do?" Hearing him say Izuku made me red again as I remembered his actions. "That bad?" He chuckled. "It wasnt that bad..." I mumbled. "Then what was it?" "Nothing that matters right?" He was quiet for a second but shrugged his shoulders, "alright, fine I guess. Let's go back inside now, it's a bit hot out here." I nodded and followed him back inside, closing and locking the door behind me. We sat on the couch for the next few hours, watching a few episodes of FRIENDS that turned on afterwards. I sat a good few feet away from him, confusing him a bit but he didnt say anything. I stared at the screen, not being able to focus and getting lost in thought. He didnt remember doing it, so it doesnt mean anything, right? "MIDORIYA!" A loud voice snapped me from my thoughts. "Oh! Uh Todoroki, what's up?" I asked grabbed the back of my neck. "I've been calling you for the past like 5 minutes. What's bothering you?" I crossed my arms, "nothing it doesnt matter." He moved slightly closer and I leaned away a little. "Midoriya, what did I do when I was asleep?" I turned the dark crimson once again, "oh nothing it's fine-" "It's clearly not and it seems to be bothering you. What did I do?" His voice became a little more stern. I stood up and leaned against the wall, him following me and standing a foot away from me. "What happened?" I didnt reply, I just looked downwards. "I said WHAT HAPPENED." He grabbed my wrist and held it above my head on the wall and yelped out in pain slightly. He let go immediately and the expression on his face changed from anger to despair. "I-I'm sorry I didnt mean to-" "it's fine." I held my sore wrist and turned my head to the side. "Midoriya I really didnt mean to. My anger got the best of me I'm so sorry." I looked at him. He truly felt bad. I held his head up with the side of my finger to meet my eyes and smiled at him, "hey, it's okay. I'm fine. It's okay." He brought me into a tight hug and I returned the embrace. "Izuku, please tell me what I did," he pleaded. "I djsnsnsmed your sjsnb and you... ksbbeed hfnm.." "what?" I sighed and dug my head into the crevice of his neck. "Okay after you fell asleep I placed a blanket on you and for whatever reason decided to kiss your cheek right under your scar and then, in your sleep, you ran your fingers through my hair and turned your head and... you kissed me... and then said my first name." I felt him stiffen a bit. I held my eyes closed as tight as possible. "Is that all?" I pulled my head away and saw his face, which was about as equally as red as mine. "What?" "I'm sorry I kissed you without your permission. I was asleep and unaware of my actions, please forgive me." He released from the hug but took my hands in his, backing up a bit. I was still a bit pink but was relieved a little. "It's okay," I respond. I looked down at his arms. There were scars, but nothing new luckily. He let go of my hands and walked towards his room, opening the door and leaning inside. "Well I'm headed off to bed now, goodnight." I smiled, "goodnight." I began to walk to my room when he peeked his head back out from his room, "oh, and Izuku?" I turned my head to look at him. "Next time, I'll ask for permission first." I turned a dark red. He started to laugh, "I'm just teasing you. You should've seen your face. Okay, goodnight Midoriya." "Goodnight..." He closed his door. I smiled a little and went into my room, closing the door behind me. Dick. I laid down in my bed, looking at the ceiling lost in thought once again. I wasnt thinking of anything in particular. I got up and changed into my pajamas. I wore long red pajama pants and a black tank top. I soon drifted off to sleep, still staring at the ceiling. Izuku. I think I want him to call me that from now on. At home at least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I felt a pair of hands shake me slightly from my rest. "Mm?" I said. "Midoriya, can we talk?" I sat up. He seemed kind of concerned almost. "Yeah, what's up?" I rubbed my eyes to see Todoroki sitting next to me on my bed. "Woah, you have a deep voice when you wake up, who knew?" He smiled a bit, but I could still see the concern on his face in this dark room. I turned on a nearby lamp. "Todoroki, are you okay?" He looked downwards slightly. "Today, you said you burned your hand on the brownie glass, right?" "Mhm." "And you said you got some burn creme from the bathroom cabinet for it?" I nodded. "Now Midoriya, I have a small grey box in there. It requires the key from off my dresser to open, however when I went to uh access it, it was already open. I knew I had locked it when I last touched it. I want you to be honest, and I'm not gonna get mad or anything like that, I just want to know if I owe you an explanation or anything like that. I just want to know, did you open the box?" My grip tightened on the sheets below me. "Why were you trying to access it?" It was quiet for a moment. "So you did open it." "Yes..." he brought his legs up on the bed and faced me. "I'm sorry." I looked up at him, though he was still looking at the bed. "Why are you apologizing?" "I think we both know what my intentions were when I wanted to open that box. God, I'm such a hypocrite." I placed a hand on his and he flinched slightly. "I looked at your arms earlier. There were nothing but old scars, nothing new, however I noticed the box had moved recently. That means you had opened it not so long ago." I wrapped my fingers underneath his hand, "please explain that to me." He tucked his fingers under mine. "I dont use my wrist. I went out of my way to hide my wrist too often and it was getting progressively more difficult to hide it, so a few years back I switched spots." He dragged my hand over to his side. "I instead started in a place that was already covered in any weather." He kept my hand at his side, his grip tightening a little. I placed a hand on his face, holding it. I felt something warm and wet. Had he been crying? I turned his head upwards and looked at his face. His eyes were red and puffy. Tears were still spilling onto his face. I wiped them away as new ones came at a faster speed. I tried to wipe those away but more and more kept coming. I wiped my hand on my shirt and just leaned in towards his face, planting a kiss on either side of his face. It shocked him slightly and the tears began at a slower rate and eventually stopped as he stared at me. I was smiling at him. "May I ask," I began to speak, "why were you trying to access the box tonight?" He was quiet. I pulled him into a hug but ended up pulling him ontop of me. I didn't mind though. He was once again shocked by my actions. I kept my hand at his side still as he wrapped his legs around me and rested his arm on my shoulder. We were sat up and I held his face up to meet mine. "Please, what made you want to do those things to your beautiful body?" He turned a light shade of pink. I was still too half asleep to be bothered by the fact that I told him he had a beautiful body. "Earlier, today. I had purposely hurt you due to my anger. I usually dont get angry like that. Yet, when I did, I grabbed exactly where I knew it would hurt the most trying to get an answer out of you. All because I had no self control in my sleep or in my wake. All I did was hurt you, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I always end up hurting the people I care about one way or another. The guilt was eating me alive. I couldn't sleep, which happens a lot." "So, did you do anything? Tonight I mean?" I asked. "After I had found out that you probably knew I did. I was going to anyways, but it scared me even more," he admitted. I laid my folded hand flat and laid it underneath his on his side. "There?" He nodded, tears forming again. "Show me," I said, speaking off of instinct. "W-what?" He got a little nervous. "It's nothing sexual. I just- let me see." He climbed off of me and sat on his legs next to me as I removed my hand as his shakey hands began to pull down his pants and placed them next to him, leaving him in his boxers. I was a light pink, but luckily the dark room hid that. He pulled down the side of his boxers, using the other hand to keep the front up. He was still bleeding. I reached over and grabbed a tissue from my night stand and folded it in half, holding it to the cuts, applying a little bit of pressure. He made a small noise from the pain but I held it there still, blood soaking through it instantly and onto my hand. I let it. I looked up at him and wiped a few more tears away, leaning my head against his. I cupped his face in my one hand. I removed the tissue and saw that some of the many slices had stopped bleeding, but placed the used tissue on the bedside, grabbing another tissue to replaced the old one. I removed the tissue quickly and I had placed it and stood up out of bed and went over to Todoroki, who had removed his hands from his boxers, letting them cover him again. I picked him up much to his surprise and he wrapped both his arms and legs around me. I carried him into the bathroom and told him to stand. He did so and I grabbed a washcloth. I ran it under warm water and squeezed it to prevent dripping. "Please, show me again," I told him as I looked at the red already stained on his side. He did as told, placing his hands back into the position they were before. I placed the warm wet cloth onto the marks and he leaned away slightly for a second. I moved it off to the side slowly, cleaning up the little bit of mess. Only two of the cuts were still bleeding. That was two out of at least a dozen. I repeatedly wiped the cloth very lightly until most of the mess was clean and the I took 2 sheets of toilet paper and folded them in half, wiping the remaining wet marks. The two cuts had finally stopped bleeding. I placed a light kiss onto the area, feeling the slices on my lips. I stood by up and looked at Todoroki, who had stopped crying a few minutes ago. I pulled him into a hug and leaned my body into his. I look up at him and he had a blank expression, a bit of pink glazing his cheeks. "There, all better." I leaned my head against his collar bone as he put his head face down on the top of mine. He kissed the top of my head as he held me, rubbing me with his thumbs a bit. "Thank you," he said in a hushed voice. I didnt say anything, I just nuzzled my head into him a little. We stayed liked that for a moment before I pulled away. "We should go try to sleep. We have work in the morning." He nodded and followed me out of the bathroom. I stopped midstep and turned to him. "Do you want to join me?" I felt a bit of heat rise to my cheeks as I asked the question. "Yes," he whispered, following me into my room. He sat on the edge of my bed as I disposed of the bloody tissue and wiped the bedside a bit. He put back on his pants while I went back into bed. He laid next to me, face to face. "Turn over," he whispered to me. I did so and he pulled me onto his bare chest. He held me there, our breathing slowing in sync. I pulled one arm to my chest and held the other out, interlocking my fingers with his. With that, we both had slowly drifted to sleep.