Tiger Lillies (TodoDeku) (Depressed Deku)

Part 3

I awoke in the middle of the night, bawling my eyes out. It was just a dream. But, it felt so real. I leaned my head down and covered my eyes. Damn it Midoriya, get a hold of yourself. It wasnt even real. You are such a baby. I didnt deserve to live, and I knew it. I carefully got out of bed and turned to look at Todoroki. He was fast asleep. I tip toed out into the living room and opened one of my boxes. Not this book. Nope. Wrong one. Ahah, here was the book. It was one of my journals I had already filled up a while ago of hero statistics and stuff. I got a new one after that and it was my oldest one. Come on now, find the page. Page 32, the page where I wrote about myself. I was only 8 when I wrote it. I believed I could be a hero at that age, before the doctors visit. My name was going to be Mighty Midoriya. I wiped one side of my face. I was such a dumb kid, always so happy. I took out the bookmark and lifted up the tape to reveal my most used razor blade. Perfect. I placed the book back in but left the box open as I went into the bathroom and close the door, leaving a little gap so the door closing wouldn't wake Todoroki. I turned the light on and looked myself in the mirror. You pathetic piece of shit. You were never good enough. I slid to the ground, placing my back against the wall and sat in between the tub and the toilet. I can't do anything right. I lift the blade to my wrist and watch as the first slice already had blood flowing within a few seconds. The scars made it harder to cut the skin, but I just cut deeper with all my force to make it work. I am useless. I'm a burden. Nobody wants me. I bring the blade back to my wrist and slice a few more cuts on there. I'm just trouble wherever I go. I am the worst person in the world, that's why I have nobody. That's why I wasnt good enough for Kacchan... I could barely see through the tears but began sawing away at my wrist, giving myself no mercy. I'm so worthless. I heard the door creak slightly and looked up in horror to meet the eyes of Todoroki. Clank. I dropped the blade on the floor. "How long were you there?" He stepped inside, closing the door behind him, refusing to meet my eyes again. I was such a disappointment. He silently went up to me and kneeled down infront if me, still staring downwards. I was frozen in fear. He turned towards the blade and picked it up. "Shoto-" I began. He held the blade and made a fist, causing the blade to break through his skin as his blood began dripping on the floor. "Todoroki! Please, stop!" I yelled, trying to open his fist, him squeezing tighter with every passing second. I began crying more and I could barely see anything but I kept trying to open his fist. Why was he doing this? He kept squeezing harder and harder as a puddle started to form on the ground. "Damn it Todoroki, stop!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around him. Why. Why was he doing this? I heard the blade drop behind me as I embraced him. "Midoriya..." he spoke softly. "Why would you do that?" I asked him. He backed up from the hug and grabbed my wrist, holding it out as I winced in pain. "Why would YOU do THIS!?" He screamed at me as I looked away, trying to control the tears as more and more kept coming. He finally looked up at me and released my arm and looked back down. He pulled me into a hug, pulling my head into his chest and laying his head face down on mine. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Why did you do that?" I asked him once more. "I-I couldn't help it. My body was moving on its own. I heard crying and sat up to see the bathroom light down the hall was on. I noticed you were gone and I came to see what was happening and I saw you slice your wrist wide open. I-I why were you doing that to yourself?" He held on tighter. I felt him shaking softly and trying to hide a few noises. Was he crying. I pulled back and looked at him in the eyes. Great, I had hurt the one person who actually agreed to put up with me. I was utterly useless. "I h-had a dream a-and Kacchan was there and K-Kirishima was there and I was yelling at them to stop drinking and to stay in their seats b-but they w-wouldn't listen a-and-" I couldn't say anything else. I just couldn't. Todoroki wiped the tears from my face and kissed my forehead for a few seconds. "It's okay Izuku, it's okay. I've got you now. I promise, I'm here for you and I'm never letting you go." He pulled me into a hug. "I-I'm useless," I barely managed out. "No you're not. Midoriya you are a sweet, kind, smart, thoughtful young man. You deserve the world. I don't understand how someone as amazing as you couldn't see that. A lot of bad things have happened to you, some I probably dont know yet, but I promise that as long as you're here, I will make sure nothing bad happens to you ever again." I gripped the back of his shirt tighter, sobbing into his chest. I knew that he didn't really care and that he was obligated to do this since I now lived with him, but I stayed there in his arms, crying for what seemed like forever. He stayed there with me the whole time though. When I finally stopped crying he backed away and kissed my forehead once more. He reached behind me and grabbed the blade by the dull side. "Todoro-" I began as he snapped it in half and threw it in the trash. "Tomorrow we will sort a few things out. For now, let's just go back to bed, okay Midoriya?" I nodded, wiping the last of my tears. He stood up, picking me up and carrying me bridal style. "Let's go then." "I-I could have walked ya know!" He smirked, "I know." He turned off the light while carrying me and then brought me to him bedroom and laid me on the bed. He closed the door and then joined me on the bed. He laid facing my back and pulled me closer to him. It shocked me a bit, but I let him as I turned to face him. I laid my head facing his chest as he held his arms around me, making sure I wouldn't get up and do something again. I felt his hot breath slowing on my face. "I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I'm not letting go. Not tonight. I am here for you," he said in a low hushed voice. I didnt protest, as we were both too tired for me to put up a fight. I listened to the steadiness of his heartbeat and breathing as I slowly drifted back to sleep, this time, not alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I awoke, i was still in the same position I was in last night only now our legs were intertwined. Todoroki was still sleeping. His warm breaths comfortingly hit my face as we both laid under the blanket. The moments from only a few hours ago replay in my mind. "I'm sorry, Todoroki," I whisper under my breath. I wish he didnt see me like that. I wish he never got the chance to. I felt guilty... I looked up at his face very slightly. He looked so calm and peaceful. While I was staring, his eyes slowly fluttered open. "Goodmorning, Midoriya," he said in his deep sleepy voice. "Goodmorning, Todoroki," I replied. Within a few seconds he closed his eyes for a brief moment before he realized the position we were in and he throws himself upwards and unlinks himself from me, leaning against the wall. "Oh! I'm sorry I didn't know I was doing that," he says putting a hand behind his neck. "It's okay, dont sweat it," I tell him. He takes a deep breath and stands up out of bed and stretches. The time on his clock next to the bed says 10:54 am. He walks towards the door. "I'll make us some breakfast. In fact, stay there. I'll bring you breakfast in bed as a welcome." I thank him and he walks out, leaving the door cracked a little. I take my phone off of the night stand next to me. Todoroki must have plugged it in. Kaminari messaged me.