FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

I just feel like I should've been there for him more.

It won't mend your heart if it's only a couple of lines.

It's maybe a bit too ironic for me to think that, since I take drugs much more than Alyssa does. Maybe this is about me too. It doesn't work, the lines don't work. But she tried to fix how she felt that night at the Halloween party. I could tell without her even having to tell me. Why else would she have slept with me that night? She didn't know what to do and if she gave in to her feelings, that would mean admitting they were real. So she did drugs with George and I to fix that, to try and stop herself from feeling the weight of the world.

I groaned in frustration and pushed the notepad away from me. I couldn't think anymore, I couldn't do this. It made me feel guilty. I shouldn't be sitting here writing about her intimate moments with her mental health and making it into a fucking song. Not while God knows what is happening to her now. The words were staring at me though because even though it hurts to say exactly how I fucking feel about the past few months with Alyssa in my life, it hurt to see it so bluntly put.

My phone begun to ring and I jumped at the sudden noise that was filling up my room. I looked over and saw it was Alyssa, as if she could tell I'd been thinking about her or something. I scrambled across my bed and grabbed the phone off the bedside table and clicked answer. "Hello?" I said quickly.

"Hey Matty." She said so softly, like her voice would break if she fucking spoke any louder.

"Everything alright?" I asked. I knew it wasn't though but she told me she would explain in the morning, it was nearing noon now.

"Sorry it took me so long to call, it's been a bit hectic here if I'm being honest." She sighed.

"It's okay, take your time if you need it." I replied in a similar tone to comfort her.

"Look I don't really know how to explain what's happening but it's not good." She mumbled. "Liam tried to kill himself last night, he's in the ICU right now."

"Oh fuck, is he gonna be okay?" I asked.

"I don't really know, he's responsive and awake but they're keeping him in there just in case." She said.

"Do you want me to come down?" I suggested.

"I don't know if that's really a good idea with Rachel being here and my dad is here too now." She told me. "It might cause more drama."

"I'll come if it makes you feel any better." I said.

"I'm just really fucking scared now, he's so young Matty. I don't understand what happened." She said with a small sob at the end.

"I know." I ran a hand through my hair, my heart was breaking for her. Liam was such a good kid, he had been through a lot in the last month so I understand how he could feel the pressure of that on top of general teenage depression. It was devastating that this is what he felt was his only option. It made me think of how I'd asked if he would like to be in our music video the other day, something that would maybe cheer him up from his household problems. "I wanna do something to help, I want to be able to be there for you and your family. Despite what they might think of me."

"I miss you already." She whispered. "If you want to come down then I would appreciate it."

"Then I'll be there, as quick as I can be." I told her. "I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

"Okay." She replied.

"I'm gonna leave now. I'll call you when I'm nearby." I said.

"I love you so much Matty, you don't understand how important you are to me." I closed my eyes, trying not to cry at how wounded her words sounded.