fight or flight

anyone still here?

god, 3 years? 2017, i was in middle school? freshman year? who can say. i decided to log onto my old wattpad account to check in and wow! some of you actually liked my story. for a weird little cliche fanfic, it gained more traction than i could ever hope. melbell? i saw that you commented on every post, i can just see middle school me melt from your kind words. this platform has been kind to me, even if i abandoned it. plus a ranking on the tsukkiyama tag? damn.

if anyone is still here, i'm a junior in high school now. to be honest, this writing was not that bad for a little middle schooler. maybe cliche but still cute. i forgot completely the premise of my plot but i can probably see where it was going. at least, where i wanted it to go.

i'm probably not going to finish this. this was a story when i put myself in yamaguchi's shoes. his harm was a pseudo way to harm myself. i was probably at my worst when i wrote this, it was rough. i guess it was a way to inspire myself to fight my way out. i was simultaneously happy and sad, at my best and worst. the fact that i gave up on this story does show how little effort i put into my life at that point. i'm not sure if finishing this story would make me go down the same dark path or give myself closure.

if you're still here, after all of these years, i commend you. i appreciate you. i thank you.

i'm glad this twist of fate let you read a hint of my soul before life got too difficult. maybe i'll find myself down the same path again, right back here. who can say?

and just like that, i'm gone.

-a