Cool Off

Hi I'm Bieanne and I'm gonna tell my cool off story.

Nag suspend ng klase unexpectedly due to COVID-19, its about a month since me and my boyfriend last saw each other. While we're  on home quarantine the least we could to is to communicate with each other through chat.

Ako laging na uunang magising saming dalawa so I always wait for him to wake up, he normally wakes up around 11 am. Then the first thing he'll do is to chat me then he'll eat. Btw my boyfriend is Steven, he always comes back after 1 hour and when he comes back he will video call me for a couple of minutes and at the end he will say that he will sleep but he always ask me if it okay. I don't have a problem with that so I always let him sleep and he normally wakes up at 6 pm but when his phone is acting up there is no definite time when he'll come back.

Yes I'm still happy and I do love him very much but I don't think its right. I don't even know if he still have time for me. That is our routine everyday and I always do wait for him a lot, literally a lot. I'm starting to doubt if he still loves me because for all of your information I'm an overthinker and yes I do overthink a lot to the point that I'll cry to myself. Pakiramdam ko okay lang sa kanya na wala ako and it hurts. Parang sinasanay niya ako na mawala siya and I have thought na baka niya ginagawa yun is para sa time na iiwan niya na ako okay na ako ng wala siya and guess what, Steven asked me if I could not chat him for a day and I sadly answered "Oo, kakayanin ko naman siguro" I answered that kasi para na nga akong nasasanay na hindi siya makausap. Then dinugtungan niya yung tanong sabi niya "Ilang araw mo akong kayang hindi i-chat?", I answered "Dipende sa gusto mo". Then that time I was crying while we're on a video call but I'm not showing my face, umiiyak ako kasi napapaisip na ako non na iiwan niya na ata ako pero bakit sa ganung way? Steven said "Pag nagawa mo yun gawin mo na araw araw", and my tears just burst without him knowing tapos bigla niyang sinabi na joke lang, it's too late man I've been hurt already.

Days, weeks have passed and each day I'm doubting, nag dodoubt ako na kung tama pa ba yung ginagawa ko kasi parang ako nalang naman laging nag hihintay sa kaniya and that night sobrang gulo ng isip ko parang gusto ko muna pag pahinga. Naisipan kong makipag cool off. Kinausap ko siya na mag cool off muna kami for just 3 days and he agreed without any questions. To be clear my feelings for him didn't fade, habang cool off kami syempre mahal ko padin siya.

*Cool off is finally over*

I messaged him first as usual but I did not expect this to happen. He replied and says that he was sorry. My tears started to fall as he continues his texts. While we're on cool off he is busy with his other girl and now he is decided to continue the relationship they have.

You know what hurts? Yung nag ooverthink ka sa mga bagay and later on malalaman mo na tama pala yung overthinking mo.

I didn't beg for him to stay because I know that when you love someone you'll set them free. Hayaan mo siyang sumaya sa paraang masakit para sayo.

But I still love you Steve.

Akala ko mag kikita pa tayo after quarantine but I guess nasayang lang yung pag hihintay ko, sana masaya ka sa kanya, mahal na mahal padin kita.

                                                                                   ~End~