𝕾𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖜𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖗𝖞 𝖑𝖎𝖕𝖌𝖑𝖔𝖘𝖘 {t. Kageyama}

1| self harm

              ⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

{TW: contains self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and depression. Please do not proceed if the following bothers you.}

It was so late, around 12:00, Kageyama was sat in the living room, continuing to watch his show while I sat in our bedroom, tears perfectly rolled down my face and fell onto the blankets, wetting the soft fabric. I tried to stop them as they kept pouring down, by wiping my hand over my cheeks constantly.

I had been clean from self-harm and cutting for over a year now, and I couldn't be more proud. My hard work and dedication to helping myself get better had paid off, but I missed the pain. The pain distracted me from what I felt on the inside.

I snuck into the kitchen and pulled a small knife from the drawer, shoving it up my sleeve and scurrying back into the bedroom. I closed the door and brought the blade to my wrist, over and over again. Skin being peeled back by the sharp metal as blood seeped out and stained my skin. Once both of my arms were covered in cuts and scratches I was satisfied. It stung horribly, but it felt good to not feel sad anymore. It was so distracting that it was almost intoxicating. I slipped the knife into my bedside table cabinet, burying it under piles of clothes.

I heard Tobio shut off the TV from the leaving room and began getting ready for bed, I waited till he turned off the sink and left the bathroom to run in there. Running my bloodied arm under the hot sink water. It was so satisfying to watch as my blood washed off my arms and trickled down into the drain. Turning off the sink I grabbed a hand towel and dried my arms of the bloody water mixture.

My tears had finally stopped and I figured it was time for bed. I walked into my room to see Tobio snuggling himself under the blankets. "Ready for bed princess?" He asked me. "Mhm," I replied giving a short nod. I joined him under the fluffy blankets and enjoyed the warmth. Tobio wrapped his big arms around my body and brought me closer to his chest. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, the pain of my heart and wrists completely left my mind as I enjoyed the sweet moment with my loving boyfriend.

Before I could comprehend, I was drifting off to sleep, barely conscious enough to feel Tobio's large hands roam my body, snaking them up my shirt and gently rubbing my back to please me. His gentle touch roaming to my stomach, and then my arms, where he stopped.

Tobio ran his hand over my cuts, again and again, trying to process what it was. He knew exactly what I had done, but he just couldn't accept that fact. I felt him pull away completely, which woke me up. I looked up at him, seeing his facial expression in the dark, he looked shattered almost, as he struggled to hold back his tears.

"Tobio what's wrong?" I asked him, almost afraid of his answer in worry that I had been caught. "Why'd you do it" was all he was able to choke out. The lump in my throat grew larger but I continued to play dumb. "What did I do?" I asked him. "I'm sorry Y/N, I really am. I know I haven't been a good enough boyfriend but I promise, I'll try harder. I love you with all my heart. Please don't hurt yourself again, I can't afford to lose you." Tobio's words hurt so much I began to cry again, I crumbled in his arms and squeezed him tight. He pushed my hair out of my face lovingly and began to stroke my head. No tears fell, but I knew he was just trying to be strong for me, no matter how much he was hurting.

"It's not your fault Tobio. You're genuinely the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. I'd be long gone by now if it weren't for you. And I thank you for that. I'm sorry I made it feel like you did something wrong, but you didn't. You've been nothing but perfect. I'm sorry I can't help being sad, I'd change it for you if I could, really."

Tobio cut me off by smashing his lips into mine. I was shocked at first, but gave in and melted under his touch. "I love you, so, so much." Tobio said into the kiss. "I love you too, you have no idea."

              ⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑