the last of our lives

Chapter 12: Romantic Movie Moment

It's raining the next day. Hard. Luckily my doc martens are fairly cleanable and water proof so I wear those, some leggings, and a double breasted coat my aunt bought me for my birthday last year from Burberry. She said that every girl should have a really nice coat.

When we all gather in the lobby inside, instead of the usually plaza outside because of how uncomfortable it would be to stand in the rain the whole time.

"Today we had plans to go to Coney Island, but we've worked it out so that we do that tomorrow instead of today. Today will pretty much be just chilling inside. You guys can go places in the rain if you want but please follow all of the rules like you're going to dinner or lunch. You can talk to some chaperones if you especially wanted to go somewhere that's close to here."

I decide to go on a walk around by myself for a bit. It's been mainly spending time with people this whole trip and I need some alone time, So I get an Umbrella and head out to find a coffee shop or a bookstore to spend some alone time in.

Outside the rain is coming down cold and fresh. It patters lightly on the cars and ground making a nice sound. The streets are less crowded because of the rain and only a few people pass me by as I head towards the nearest coffee shop.

The cobbled streets are run slick with the rain and the sky is dark with clouds. The air smells fresh and clean and less like the city. I feel a sense of peace from the rain, despite the lousy cold temperature.

I open the door to the inside of a coffee shop called destination coffee. Inside there are a few people sitting on brown cushiony couches and the bar stools by the window, studying with earbuds in or reading or on their phones. I order a coffee for here and then sit down on a couch and browse my phone, reading all my texts from Avery.

Avery: Oakleigh I'm sorry it's not what you think.

Avery: Please call me I'm so sorry.

Avery: I know I fucked up I really like you please let me explain.

Avery: Call me please. I really want to apologize.

I bitterly delete the messages. He isn't worth my time. I only send one message to him.

Me: you're not sorry you did it. you're sorry i found out.

I turn off my phone and go and get my coffee and sit down again.

Avery: Meet me at that bench we went when we went to dinner.

After I finish my coffee I get up and head out of the coffee shop. I don't know what makes me want to go to the bench. Maybe it's because I'm hoping there will be an alternate explanation. Maybe it's because deep in my heart, I know that I still like Avery even though what he did was unforgivable. Maybe it's because I miss him. I don't know why, but I decide to go.

When I get there, Avery sits on the bench.

I sit down next to him.

"You came. I'm surprised you did." He says.

"Yup. What do you want?" I say irritably.

"Look. I want you to know something." He looks into my eyes and that's when I want to start crying all over again. Because I know that he has this power over me. The power to make me hurt with his beautiful hazel eyes and chiseled jaw and freckles and British accent and amazing personality and kindness. And it's in that moment that I know that I am in love with Avery and it hurts me so much, in every vein of my body, because I know I shouldn't forgive him. But I want to. I want to forgive him so bad. I would do ANYTHING to kiss him right now and let him hold me and say everything would be alright and know that it would.

"Kaelyn kissed me. I never intended to kiss her in the first place." He says. "It's like she started and we just kept going, and the whole time I wanted to tell her to stop and that I didn't want to kiss her and that I was with you and everything but I didn't."

I still feel hurt but it feels better to know he wasn't actively pursuing her. "I know maybe you didn't kiss her and you didn't flirt with her but you let her do all of that to you and I think that was maybe even worse. Because it was like if you had done all of that to her also I would have realized you liked her and not me and I could have moved on. But you held me just enough to keep me grasping on to you. It's like you led her on while you were with me, and I think that's why it hurt so much. Because I realized you didn't care as much about my feelings as I thought you did."

He looks down. "I know you'll never forgive me, and I know what I did was one of the worst things you could do, and all I wanted to do is say I'm sorry and I never meant to cause you any pain or break your heart and I'm SO sorry that I did that. You are a thousand times better than Kaelyn and if I had a choice between her and you, I would pick you a million times. Because you're amazing and I'm so sorry that I did any of that to you. I am so sorry." A tear slips down his cheek. I know he really means everything he says.

"It's not okay what you did, but thank you for apologizing." I say simply.

And I get up to leave. My tears fall lightly down my cheeks, blending with the rain on my face and hair, dripping down.

"Wait Oakleigh!" He calls out.

I turn around. We're both soaking wet in the rain, both crying, my mascara's running down my cheeks.

"Would you give me a second chance?" He yells to me.

"Would you promise me something?" I yell back at him.

"Anything." He says.

"Be there for me. Make it official. Don't let people flirt with you. Make me the only one." I say walking back to where he is. "If you prove to me you can do that then I'll agree to it."

"How do I prove it?" He asks.

"Love me." I say, almost a whisper, but I know he hears.

"I already do. I only realized the moment I lost you and I know that's the most fucked up part of it. That's the worst part of it. But it's the truth. It's the honest to God truth." He says.

"I love you too." I say. "But I can only be with you if I can trust you. What about if we take it slow so I can gain back your trust. I would be okay with that."

"I would too." He says.

I kiss him passionately in the rain and I'm finally getting the movie moment I've wanted since I was eight. The rain falling in New York City. It was the best worst thing ever. Because I know that it would take me a little while to gain back all of my trust but I knew something. I knew that it may take time but it would be worth it.

None of it felt real. But somehow it was the realest thing ever.