make up your mind

part five: allergic to you

(name) never expected to see a soaking wet akaashi keiji stalk into the library, but she half expected him to break soon enough.

he walked in without a word, and she tuned everything out so that  she didn't have to hear everybody's opinions on it. his eyes were a scary neutral, and when he sat down across from her, she thought he was going to give some sort of explanation. but he stayed silent.

and so (name) listened to what he was thinking.

'please help me.'

she stared at him for a long moment before saying, "i'm taking you to my house."

akaashi didn't even say a word, just standing up and waiting for the girl to pack up her things. the odd couple walked out of the library, but not without the stares of everyone in the room. (name) held her umbrella over the both of them while they walked, not a word exchanged between them.

she didn't want to pry into his mind, either. their route was short, as the girl only lived a short train ride away. and the moment that the door closed behind them, (name) told him, "i'm getting you clothes. prepare your explanation."

and she walked up the stairs towards what akaashi guessed was a laundry room.

was was he going to say? that he was basically benched until he figured out his shit?

guess i'll just start with that.

(name) returned with lighting speed, handing him new clothes, catching akaashi off guard. and then she led him towards the washroom, as if he didn't remember where that was. as he changed, he came to the realization that the shirt and sweatpants were actually his. the boy felt a tug in his chest; for why, he didn't know. or care for that matter.

he strolled back into the living room, where the girl sat playing on her phone. when she heard his footsteps, she looked up and smiled at him, patting the spot on the couch that was next to her. he noticed that she was wearing a sweatshirt and shorts, clearly very comfortable.

akaashi sat himself down awkwardly, saying "are these mine?"

(name) turned a brilliant shade of red, looking away from him. "yeah. you left them here and i always forgot to give them back."

"it's been a year."

"you also refused to talk or look at me."

it was akaashi's turn to recoil into himself.

"no comment."

(name) faced him, tucking her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "so talk."

akaashi took a deep breath before speaking, he didn't want to give too much vulnerability away. "during volleyball, there was too much noise and i couldn't get rid of it. i tried thinking of you, clearly like you said, but it just wasn't working." he paused and licked his lips. "coach told me to leave an hour early to figure myself out. but i just feel stuck."

the girl nodded in understanding, waiting for him to say more; he didn't, so she thought it was her turn to say something.

"it takes practice just like anything else," she told him, "it helped me to think of something that really scared me. for example, i'm scared of being alone. so i just imagined myself in a big, white, empty room with nobody else in it."

"do you still do that?"

"no," (name) shook her head, "it just helped at first to zone in on something else more compelling, rather than the voices. and now i just associate that room with being alone in my head. that doesn't really make sense...but i think you get what i'm trying to say."