FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

I'm not avoiding you.

"You're not wrong but come on, let me throw you a little birthday bash." He gave me the puppy dog eyes.

"Fine but please don't go overboard, I don't like attention too much." I sighed.

"I'll keep it minimal." He nodded. "Shall we invite Matty?"

"Of course, there's no bad blood between us. I don't want to lose him out of my life completely." I frowned.

"Okay, well it'll be a fun little night. I'll make sure your cup is always filled." He beamed. I just rolled my eyes at him, more grateful than ever for how welcoming he'd been to me in his life.

-

Matty

The hardest part of all this was knowing that I could've done more to stop this but I didn't. I walked out when she said she wanted to end things, maybe if I just stayed in that room we could've talked things through. But now I have to live with the knowledge that I was the one to walk out in the end. She was never going to let me back in now.

"Matty?" George said, pulling me out of my pit of self despair.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"I'm throwing a party for Alyssa's birthday this weekend." He said.

"Oh, that's great." I faked a smile. I knew he could see how fake it was but he pressed on anyway.

"I know you're in a weird spot with her still but I think it'll be good for you both to get your mind off everything." He said. "It's for the best, you know that right?"

"Then why does it fucking suck so bad?" I frowned.

"Mate, I know you're feeling cut up about it but she has a point. You're both struggling with some issues at the moment, building a relationship on top of that is only going to end up with someone being hurt." He sighed. "I want things to work out for you, I do but not at the cost of either of your happiness in the end."

"I know." I said flatly. "I just don't like feeling this helpless in everything."

"I get that. I offered her my spare room, give you two some space." He said softly.

"That was nice of you." I nodded.

"I think you two will get through this, maybe not as a couple but as friends. She's a great person and no matter what she's making a real impact on you in such a good way." He ranted on, I felt myself losing interest in his words. I know he's trying to help but it didn't take away the shit feeling I had. "It's all going to be okay in the end."

"I know." I mumbled, my responses were beginning to become meaningless.

"I'm gonna head out now mate, text me if you need anything." He got up off the couch and gave me a weak smile.

"I will do." I nodded, watching him walk out.

The emptiness in the flat was beginning to consume me again, the hard feeling of realising I was back where I started 4 months ago before she came into my life. It made me wonder how someone could come in and change my entire mindset in such a short space of time. She was intoxicating in all the best ways possible.

The loneliness was creeping in again, plaguing my mind with thoughts that I didn't need. I needed to take the edge off, to feel less like a sad piece of shit. I got off the couch and walked to my room, heading straight over to the wardrobe and pulling out my box. It contained the only thing that would make things feel a little less chaotic.

The ivory powder spoke volumes to me, like it was calling out for me. This is what I was always so scared of. Feeling so low that my only option was to throw myself into the world of cocaine again but this time I didn't care. I didn't have anything else to lose. I had the chance to be with a girl that made my heart swell whenever she looked at me and just as quickly as I got her, she slipped away before me.

I poured some of the contents onto my dresser and set up a few lines.

Once I consumed more of the cocaine than I initially intended to, I fell backwards onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. And for the first time in a week, I felt like the voices in my head were fading away, leaving me completely alone as the sun set outside. I didn't want to feel anything anymore, as dramatic as it all sounds.

It wasn't just losing Alyssa that made me feel so alone, it was the fact that no matter how hard I try, I always end up in the same room. Alone. Scared. And broken.

Two updates in one night? Quarantine has me this bored. Hope everyone is staying safe out there! This chapter is more of a filler but wanted to write it out and post anyway, a lot of things are coming. We aren't even halfway done yet. Enjoy